just about 21 weeks... a bump pic

Yep... its poking out!

Still happily in regular clothes most of the time although i am very limited on pants options....

20 weeks!

Halfway there!!!!

No pictures of me still. I just can't seem to get a decent spot to take a side selfie that doesn't look ridiculous. But the belly is definitely popping out now!

Milestones:

Finding out what's in there and of course getting to share the news with everyone! And actually being able to see something on the ultrasound that resembled a human! It was so cool to see her moving around in there.  I'm excited to meet her.... in about 19 weeks. I'm even beginning to feel a bit of movement.

Agreeing that we weren't going to share the name until she's born. It was nice for my husband to vocalize a preference. I was leaning toward that too so its great to be in agreement.

Realizing that I really need to pack away my non maternity clothes that won't work for a long time so I can put the maternity clothes I buy or borrow in my closet, instead of rummaging through the bins in the living room.

Cravings: None really. Oddly, I will feel hungry but for nothing in particular. I'm not forgetting meals but I'm also not very into them either.

Working out? Unfortunately we have snow and ice on the ground so I have been hibernating instead. I have done some yoga, but that's about it. This is definitely an area that expectation has not lived up to reality. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it too much though.

Other things going on:

• starting the day care search
• coming up with a plan for construction in the basement to get us to working on the nursery

Prego...

And not the sauce!

Part of me feels I should log something about this experience... so here I go?

So how far? 15w 3d

Weight gain? 3 lbs since last appointment 4 weeks ago. Up 6 to date. *only because I was post 2 half marathons in one month! I'm always at my lowest post half marathon training! Usual weight til now I'm only up 3 lbs.

Best thing this week: Going in for my appointment and hearing the heart beat again. 147 and strong.

 I was unusually anxious about this appointment. Call it irrational fear that something went wrong in the last 4 weeks and it still not feeling real. I was actually missing the daily queasiness and exhaustion only because at least then it was a reminder. Being in the spot where I felt fine but its too early for movement I would almost forget I'm even pregnant. So this appointment more than anything was reassurance that all is good. :)  Next appointment in a month we find out what it is!!!! I haven't had an ultrasound since week 8 so I'm really excited to see it too!!!!! And really excited to stop calling it... it.

Will we find out?  YES YES YES. We're planners and need to know. Not so I can go all gender specific but so I can properly merge neutral and specific items. I'm getting antsy to start working on the downstairs office so we can clear out that room. As fall gives way to late fall/early winter that'll begin happening.

How am I feeling? Getting tired of the question because ultimately I feel completely like myself. i get tired a little faster and I'm still getting used to not freaking out at the slight belly popping out. It still looks like I've been lazy and eating too many donuts but the time is coming for maternity clothes for sure.

Cravings? Spicy food and mexican. Not really enjoying sweet things which is weird because usually I am a complete choc-o-holic. Its nice actually to not crave it. In fact its the only thing I notice I don't feel that great AFTER eating. I think that will help me avoid gestational diabetes hopefully!

Names? We have some top ones. Only 1 for a boy so far and a couple for girls. There's a spreadsheet.

Diet:  I would like to think that I haven't changed too much of my diet because I was already eating a pretty healthy diet. Maybe just making that effort to eat more and eat regularly. No skipping meals like before! I need to get better at drinking water at work though.

Pictures.... Haven't taken any yet, but I might! as far as a professional maternity/newborn shot, I may ask my father in law because I just can't justify 500+ in money we don't have to get pictures done by someone else.

April seems so far away... but its unreal to think I'm almost halfway!

Caffeine

Oh my blessed coffee. I spent 3.5 years working in a  coffee shop. I live and breathed the stuff. Back in 2011 I did a massive cutback and it was successful... but then I slipped. I reacquainted myself with it. Dove in and have enjoyed every delicious drop. It felt like I was too busy to go at life without it.

Well life is always busy and as much as I love the taste, the sensations involved with curling up with multiple cups of warm coffee, "needing" 3+ for daily functioning is a sign that its time to cut back.

Things I'm hoping to gain from this cutback:

1. realignment of sleep cycle. Working 2nd shift I often consume coffee til late in the day because drinking coffee 3 hours into my shift is comparable to a 1st shift person drinking coffee until 11 or noon. I'm hoping that by cutting my consumption by 1 or 2 p.m. I can be ready for sleep at more reasonable times like 1 a.m. instead of 3 or 4 a.m. What was productive and exciting "me" time loses its luster when I can't manage to rouse myself before 11a.m. on a regular basis
2. save $! I brew at home but quality beans are expensive yo!
3. Drink more water instead 

This is also in preparation for the inevitable time I decide to embark on parenthood. Caffeine consumption is a restricted thing and I would rather not have to go cold turkey should the time arrive.

So here I go... off onto my caffeine cutback challenge. Note I am not giving it up completely. I did that in 2005 and it was a horrible disaster of an idea - think unfocused, groggy, foggy headed. 

If this is successful, I plan on a tandem challenge of decreasing my sugar consumption. 

VICTORY

File this one away for future interviews: I helped enact change.

Boom.

It feels great!

I feel accomplished. I feel hopeful. I feel hyper. I feel empowered. I feel optimistic and reinvigorated.

Spring is also beginning to creep its way slowly into the frigid MN air and I feel renewed energy as the daylight hours increase.

I am awakening too after a cold dark winter.

Life is good. It will keep getting better. The darkness is a lesson to appreciate the light.

feel free to tell me to "suck it Polly-Anna" anytime but you will not rain on my parade.

What's there to say about Wednesday?

Today was just one of those trying days that would have been better spent in bed. My subconscious agreed and I managed to turn off my alarm and wake up at 10:37 am.... 7 minutes AFTER I was supposed to be to work at job #1.... Thank goodness for a part time job where I set my hours and no one is depending on me for the most part. If they had been, I could have dragged myself from bed but instead, I arranged to work tomorrow. It'll mean a long day for a Thursday, but this time I'm ready. Clothes are set out for the two jobs. After this entry, I'm packing my lunch and going to bed because it's 2:30 a.m. and of course I'm still awake. So where was I going with this? Ahh yes, better day to have just stayed in bed. After getting the clearance to rearrange my work days, I did just that. Work out--- forget it!

So I walk in the door to my main job and I don't even make it from the locker room without hearing that it's a mess in there. Whee. In the past I may have gotten upset. Now it's just another day. I show up. In a sick way I'm happy its a mess because it means I have something to do. I set things up, some fail, but I don't get all upset and worked up. I like this new-ish zen but sometimes it just feels like I'm defeated. The passion has been deflated. I'm feeling used up.

I need a vacation.

2014 goals

Running:

1. 1 race per month. I need consistency in my life and having at least 1 race per month, official or unofficial will be really helpful
2. 500  miles in 1 year. I've barely cracked 300 the past 2 years. It's time to up my game.
3. Run Grandma's/Gary Bjorklund Half Marathon in June and finish in under 2:15
4. Run Lola's half Marathon again
5. 
   

Health:

1. Yoga & Meditation 2x a week - Yoga makes my running better. It makes me better overall. I miss it.
2. Strength train more than sparingly
3. Continue to make better food choices, incorporating more organic and cutting out more processed foods

Personal:

1. Read 1 book a month - this shouldn't be that hard, but I have the attention span of a hummingbird on cocaine. 
2. Finish "Anna Karenina" I'm 40% in and refusing to give up!
3. Rediscover the fun things of life - I feel like I work all the time and have little to show for it. Its time to find some balance, spend more fun time with husband
4. Schedule friend time - working 2nd shift this is getting to be really important. Its too easy for me to be disconnected!
5. Go on a vacation
6. Finish unfinished projects - ahem! penguin ornaments, crocheting, painting, house stuff..

So here we go 2014!