in no particular order I'm fixated on:
Bruno Mars
"Glee" songs
"White Collar"
"House of Cards"
Running to explicit songs. I'm finding particular motivation in Rihanna, Eminem, BOB. For the most part, the more explicit/dirty, the better.
Trying scotch - can't explain it but I've suddenly found myself wanting to develop an appreciation for simple drinks.
I'm back to running. I'm finally tapering off my hours at the bank so my 12 hour days are coming to a close. I'm also adjusting to 2nd shift so I'm finding my motivation returning to pound the pavement. I have a 4 mile race March 23rd and a 7 miler on March 30th. Running every two weeks isn't going to cut it. It's my escape too and I've missed it. Missed the feeling that comes from pushing myself. I'm a glutton for punishment and running is a catharsis I need.
That's really all from my corner of the world. I'm happy. Life is good.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
letting go
Why can't I?
I sit here with a new job, happiness abounding yet I still hang onto those other two. I can't technically let go of them. Even when I haven't been at one in over a month, I have yet to write down the words, "I hereby turn in my resignation."
It's so final. These jobs have gotten me through a tough time. A tough time of paycheck to paycheck not even being enough. They're like a security blanket for me. A security blanket that is going to smother me at the rate its going. Deep down, i'm a workaholic. I've spent 2 years scrambling and working as much as I can. The mentality that I need to work as much as possible and not turn down income at the expense of my sanity is overrunning any thoughts of having just 1 job.
I make a decision, then find myself thinking, "well it'd just be a Monday morning shift.... or.... just a shift every few weeks and I keep my discount."
There's warm fuzzy memories. Leaving a job by choice hasn't been an experience for me since 2008. Then the job I left it for went an abandoned me a year later. Seriously. It's like I'm talking about a relationship!?!?
All good things must come to an end but my compromising nature wants everyone to be happy and place nice together. I've spent many thoughts on figuring out just how all three could co-exist.
Someone needs to beat me upside the head or give me an intervention.
I sit here with a new job, happiness abounding yet I still hang onto those other two. I can't technically let go of them. Even when I haven't been at one in over a month, I have yet to write down the words, "I hereby turn in my resignation."
It's so final. These jobs have gotten me through a tough time. A tough time of paycheck to paycheck not even being enough. They're like a security blanket for me. A security blanket that is going to smother me at the rate its going. Deep down, i'm a workaholic. I've spent 2 years scrambling and working as much as I can. The mentality that I need to work as much as possible and not turn down income at the expense of my sanity is overrunning any thoughts of having just 1 job.
I make a decision, then find myself thinking, "well it'd just be a Monday morning shift.... or.... just a shift every few weeks and I keep my discount."
There's warm fuzzy memories. Leaving a job by choice hasn't been an experience for me since 2008. Then the job I left it for went an abandoned me a year later. Seriously. It's like I'm talking about a relationship!?!?
All good things must come to an end but my compromising nature wants everyone to be happy and place nice together. I've spent many thoughts on figuring out just how all three could co-exist.
Someone needs to beat me upside the head or give me an intervention.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Content
I am content.
There are things going on but in the face of everything, I'm pleased with the direction my life is taking. I'm a perky scientist again and I feel I can close the door on 3.75 years of searching. 3.75 years of tumult in my soul has quieted. It's reminiscent of when I went skydiving. The past few years have been like freefall... chaotic, loud, unsettling, terrifying, exhilarating but it can't go on forever. Then the chute opened and all went quiet and I was left suspended in air staring out at the world around me. Floating, not falling. The chute has opened.
There are things going on but in the face of everything, I'm pleased with the direction my life is taking. I'm a perky scientist again and I feel I can close the door on 3.75 years of searching. 3.75 years of tumult in my soul has quieted. It's reminiscent of when I went skydiving. The past few years have been like freefall... chaotic, loud, unsettling, terrifying, exhilarating but it can't go on forever. Then the chute opened and all went quiet and I was left suspended in air staring out at the world around me. Floating, not falling. The chute has opened.
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