What next?

Inevitably as my training for various races comes to a close I start looking at what's next. In the past its meant picking an even further distance to push myself towards. This time it's included more thoughts of just keeping on going and making myself marathon ready by fall. I COULD do that. Really I could. That's an amazing feeling, that 13.1 is no longer that intimidating.

So what is next? Do I keep going and pushing myself further and further? Do I try for a duathalon?

Long runs are great chances to think. You're spending well over an hour on your own just with your thoughts or whatever technology you have. I learn more about myself during these long runs. I learn about my ability to push through pain and self doubt. I learn to listen to my body, my breath. I learn what aches and pains are really ones I need to back off from. I learn what it means to set a goal, work hard, face setbacks and achieve that goal.

Yesterday during my 10 mile run, I made a decision about what's next: focus on strength training. Developing those beautiful muscles that carry me to amazing distances so they can do so even stronger and hopefully faster.

I've always felts that my body in my current condition while capable, needs to be stronger if I were to hope to embark on the marathon training route. I've also recently found thoughts turning to the triathalon challenge as a way to push myself in a new direction.

So what's next? After June 8th, I will reward my body with a massage and reward myself for training and finishing my goal with a nice hairdo. I will donate blood on June 10th when I no longer have to fear not having the energy to finish my weekly long run. Then I will pick up my husbands P90X series and see if I can do it for 1 month and see what I can change. I will still run, but will focus on maintaining a 4-5 mile comfort zone.

August 3rd I will participate in a triathalon as part of a relay team. My two friends have to embark on training to meet their goal. My part is only 3.3 miles, not really a challenge so I will work on increasing my speed.

I know I am capable. My long runs have taught me this. I'm looking forward to what's next!

Running in less than idea conditions

It's snowing. It's May 1st. Mother nature has turned against the state of Minnesota. She dangled 80 degree days in front of us, we embraced them, then she slapped us with 39 & snow to welcome us to May. The month where the sun creeps higher in the sky, the flowers burst through the ground, the tress bud... you get the picture.

This weather has been the biggest strain and test of my training. Today was a victory, for the past  month I've been raising my hands in defeat, but no more

Funny things happen when you turn a blind eye to the conditions and go out on your run any way. You start to tell yourself the headwind slowing you down is only resistance serving to strengthen your legs and carry you faster and further when there is no wind. The snow or rain hitting your face telling you to turn around teaches you to work through those inner voices telling you to quit so when its not snowing or raining you're less likely to listen to them. Eventually you hit your stride, be it half a mile in or 2 miles in and the world around you fades. You may feel the sharp pain of a breeze hitting your exposed skin or an errant snowflake crashing down on your nose, but overall you develop a personal bubble. The bubble protects you from what is going on around you, all you feel is your muscles contracting and relaxing carrying you forward. You feel your breath in and out, your heart pumping oxygenated blood around your body. The thoughts telling you to stop change their tune, instead telling you to go just that little bit further. They tell you to correct your posture, relax your shoulders. All in all, the run that wasn't supposed to happen, happens.

Some of my best runs came from days I told myself not to go out the door. Today was that day. I felt joy. I felt misery but most of all I felt the exhilaration of earning my badass points and getting out the door when every fiber of my being was trying to tell me to skip it.

So, don't wait for ideal conditions. Step out the door. Drop your expectations and just let your legs carry you as far as they want to. Amazing things can happen if you let them.

delusions

I had my first dream about running a marathon. I don't remember much of it except for crossing the mile 20 mark. That may be all of the dream, but that snippet tells me that despite my adamant stance that I would never want to do one, my subconscious is starting to accept it. So 2014?

Shock

The shock and horror of Monday's events in Boston are wearing off. I remember similar shock and horror at most of the recent tragedies around the country but this one resonated with me.

Yes there are many tragic things going on at any given point in the world. They are terrible and I'm in no way meaning to elevate the status of this event above that of another. There are places in the world where people don't even feel safe to go to a market without worrying of bombings. This one just hit close to home that is all. Not because I know anyone in it or anything but because I'm a runner.

My heart ached on Monday for the spectators who were there just to cheer on people they knew and didn't.  I pictured friends who have cheered me on at my own races (much smaller races of course). Ached for the people out there pushing their bodies to the extremes (as I've been there, maybe not for 26.2 miles). People leaving nothing behind and just running. People robbed of the feeling of crossing the finish line. I thought of the hours they spent preparing, the sacrifices made so they could qualify and run Boston, only to have it blown apart. The horror in the details of the timing of the explosions, how they meant to corral and inflict the most damage. I found myself Monday thinking it was something of movies, of fiction. "It can't be real." Unfortunately, it was not a work of fiction.

Many times during events like this, I feed on the details. This is the first time, I've found I have a true aversion to knowing the details. I don't know if it would be more comforting for my psyche to know it's 1 crazy person or a whole sleeper cell of crazy. I refuse to read, watch or have anything to do with the media on this event.

24 hour news and the pressure to break the details first. I'm over it. There have been far too many large scale tragedies (school shootings, movie theatres, bombs) and every time I feel the overwhelming amount of chatter wears me out. I become less able to tolerate the "news for the sake of news" attitude. The over playing of the horrific pictures and videos.

Today  (4/17) I ran. I ran for myself but I also believe deep down that I pushed it a little harder for those who's final push toward the finish line got cut short.

Keep running

I took about a month off. Crazy work hours left little time and energy. Then a strange thing happened, I started to develop an anxiety about running. Building up the desire to go then the failure of not going, the anticipation of it being difficult and being sore after. I spent more time talking and thinking about my desire to run, my need to run than actually wanting to run.

So I had little to no hope for Saturday's MDRA 4 mile race. I hadn't run in almost a month. But that didn't stop me. I arranged to carpool to ensure I'd actually follow through with this run. And I'm so glad that I did!

I can honestly say for the first time in a while I had fun running. I basked in the splendor of the "warm" spring sunshine (you can count a 38 degree day as warm here in MN!). I listened to my music and just let go. I didn't worry about time, hills, pace, the other runners. I couldn't access my phone to check it so I just let my legs carry me on and it was everything I wanted and more. This is the running I've missed.

Here's a picture of me listening to my music before and getting psyched up to run:

Yes. I wore a Cookie Monster T-shirt. While most runners there were in serious gear, lots of black, I choose to wear bright colorful happy clothes. If I hadn't opted for the cookie monster, it would have been penguins. Life is too short to take yourself too seriously.  :)

Moment of clarity

I love yoga. My body stretches and rejoices in increasing flexibility.

I like slow, gentle yoga. I don't like aggressive vinyasa. I like breathing, settling into poses. I don't like feeling the pressure to push myself into poses quickly and abruptly. The potential for injury when I do is just too great.

I love the moments of clarity it provides too. The zen follows me through the day.

Busy Girl...

For 2 weeks I will have effectively worked all three jobs at the same time.... Yeah, now I know why that idea was never meant to last! What a terrible terrible stupid idea!?!

I'm going to be working about a month straight with no days off. But this is the last week I'm juggling the bank and going to two jobs in the same day.

Anyway, not much else going on. It's been a rough past week at the lab with lots of test failures/issues but today I finally got reprieve and stuff worked!

other than work, seriously there hasn't been time for anything else!

Highlights:
* Auto Show! Sat in a $120,000 Audi and a $90,000 BMW M5. For the most part, vehicles I was inclined to like, I liked. Vehicles I was inclined to not be impressed with, I was't.

* I really am having fun being back at the coffeeshop. It's a fun outlet and once I figure out the balance, i'm looking forward to keeping it!

New Obsessions:
* Music: Justin Timberlake "Mirrors"; Tame Impala "Elephant"