sensory overload

Yesterday started off great with a bike ride and some social time with a friend but it quickly turned moody for me. I think I just got surrounded with too many people and kids in a small space. It was draining to be in a small house with about 20 people and 10 kids (7 of which were under age 3). It probably would have been fine but then we went to our neighbors for a get together and I surrounded myself with about 10-15 different people in not so much space. I was already out of steam and pushed even harder. I was out of talking/social energy  and made it until 12:30 before just needing the comfort of bed. I didn't want to be completely alone though but dear husband didn't get the hints and stayed out til who knows when. So my annoyance from sensory overload, has turned into annoyance at him being exhausted (*hungover??? he won't admit to it) and wasting a beautiful day with him laying on the floor half asleep all day and crabby at me when I try to engage him.  granted, I didn't come up with anything else to do but it feels like it shouldn't always fall on me to come up with things.

As I type this I realize just how annoyed I am. More than I thought I was when I started this entry.

a reminder

After a brutal week of low energy, poor eating habits, a definite lack of running (not helping the low energy), and overall crabbiness, I'm back.

After spending what felt like more hours asleep than awake (I am pretty sure I slept more than 9 hrs/night every night last week starting on Wednesday) it culminated in spending about 14 hrs in bed from Friday-Saturday morning.  It took that much bed-time to make me finally start to feel "normal" again. By the end of the day, my energy was returning.

The problem with taking time off from running is that first day back is intimidating. Even just a week and a half off can easily build into more. In your mind you start building it up. "Ugh that first few minutes will be hard." "Just have to do half an hour, that can wait a little loner, right?" So successfully getting back out there was of utmost importance. So all past failures aside, I forced myself out the door. It was really hard. That first 1/2 mile felt awkward and wrong like something was wrong with my gait. I kept repeating to myself: just a half hour. That's all.... just a single half hour. And to some extent I started punishing myself for taking that time off. When it started feeling better, I picked up the pace. Giving myself the "that'll teach you" mental pep talk. I  pushed myself so hard I did 5K in under 30 minutes. Maybe a little too hard for the heat, but it was an awesome way to start my day. A reminder that each day is a new day. What you did or didn't do the day before doesn't matter, just get out there.

Ideas floating around:

Going back to school:
Bachelors to Nursing degree through the college of St. Scholastica St. Cloud campus (fall 2013 start)
CLS/MLS degree completion through UofMN or St. Cloud State
Nuclear Medical Technologist thru Mayo Health Sciences (Fall 2013 start)

I'm still drawn to health science related fields and just can't wrap my head around going for anything business/accounting related.

What would I do in the meantime?
Tread current water?
Figure out something else I can do part time like freelance work or ???
Get N.A. certification and work in a nursing home to figure out if aforementioned nursing programs are the direction I should go.

More questions than answers. this is just a free thought blog tonight.

when it's no longer worth it

I'm hitting that wall at the coffeeshop. I put in a soft notice. It took all weekend for me to work up the nerve to even do that! What I was leaning toward being a hard 2 week notice, was instead turned into the soft notice. It really was the best option and fortunately its the type of job that doesn't demand me to have an answer right away. So this morning after turning in my schedule from the bank for the next 3 weeks I mentioned that I understand if I can't be on the schedule and when I have a better idea of where my life was going, I'd be able to let him know more.

I just keep coming back to the thought "if I'm so unhappy, why do I keep doing it? There has to be more I can offer the world" Deep down I think i'm scared. I don't like change and its kept me rolling with my current situation for many months longer than it should. So my mission is to refocus. Life is too short to keep up what I'm doing and I will never be able to move forward in life if I don't change something.

Grateful

I've been wanting to write up a post lately but coming up blank on what to write about. Or better yet, I've had so many things I've wanted to write about I haven't been able to write about any of them. Does that even make sense? Maybe only in my warped view of the world. But here it goes:

The other day, a chiropractor visited one of my workplaces and gave a lovely talk on the power of nutrition and of course overall well being. In front of us a body stress survey was placed and everyone filled it out. As I glanced at the questions, I of course selected back pain. Immediately though I put the disclaimer that running and weight loss transformed my life and it's greatly diminished. Then went back and added, "oh yes and yoga and a new mattress." It made me pause and reflect on just how much has changed in 3 years. The changes have been gradual, but in the grand scheme I have undergone an extreme lifestyle change in a fairly short amount of time. My body has thanked me. I have energy I never used to have. I see myself doing things I never thought I would. I've lost weight (of course) and as a result, I no longer get back spasms from the simplest activity. I eat foods I never would have touched and the mantras I follow for my diet are more in line with holistic views. These internal changes are reflected in the way people view me. I'm no longer the girl sitting watching the world pass by stuffing her face with fake foods. I'm no longer running in place on the elliptical at the easiest setting wondering why i'm not getting anywhere. Yoga, running, weight loss and nutrition have not all entered my life at once, but this slow addition of each element has enriched my life in unidentifiable ways.

I may be overworked, broke and stressed about the general direction of my life but I can't imagine what it would be like if I still lived like I did 3 years ago and then added all of the aforementioned stressors. I was tipping the scales at 152 lbs on a 5'1" petite frame. I had resources around me - a city filled with bike trails and fairly clean air (compared to china or los angeles), lakes and tree line paths yet I couldn't even go up the littlest hill on my bike without wanting to die. I couldn't work a full 6 hour shift at the coffeeshop and not be in ungodly pain after. There were days I couldn't even stand up straight by the end of the day. Today after my 16.5 mile bike ride I am truly grateful that I've turned things around. It begins to feel like a broken record when I get going but I want to be that goodwill ambassador, spreading the word. This is my religious message to spread and it has. Many of my friends have joined me on this journey and I've seen the ripple effect.

My message is to start small. Find things you enjoy doing. If you don't enjoy going to the gym, try something else because if you don't enjoy it,  you're not going to stick with it. Not everyone needs to run. I'm stubborn and apparently a bit sadistic (in that I like the torture of pushing myself so hard I want to puke) so it works for me but its not for everyone. Find your happy place and your body and the universe will respond.

The domestically challenged tries homebrewing

Just over 3 months ago my dear husband and I set up our first ever batch of home brewed beer. I had bought the kit for him in 2007 and we finally got around to doing it after a trip to the supplier to get some fresher parts (new hops, new extract). We put together an octoberfest lager which required 3 months of sitting at 50 degrees. Today that long wait comes to a fruition... sort of. Today was bottling day:

We added the sugar water (prepped according to directions) and bottled just over 51 bottles of beer. And... now we wait again as the sugar breaks down and produces carbonation in those bottles. We shall see it in 2-4 weeks. I've already declared this to be B&E's Anniversary Octoberfest batch as 4 weeks puts it pretty much on our 1st wedding anniversary. What a wonderful way to celebrate, huh?

training... what training?

What happened to me??? March = awesome. April = crash and burn. May = nonexistent running. This whole 10 mile thing will go so much better if I can find the motivation to ACTUALLY run.

In the meantime, enjoy some photos of my pretty flowers soaked from the rain the night before:

 And here's a couple from a few days ago: