Well I was kind of expecting that...

I was not selected for the teller job.

At least they called me. That seems to be a luxury now which is sad. I definitely appreciated it. Although I will admit when I saw I had a missed call from them I kind had my hopes moving in a different direction....

I knew I'd probably lose out to someone with banking experience due to its lead teller status so I wasn't blindsided or anything. I think thats the only reason I lost out though. Kinda sucks, every article says don't hang on to your field try something new, but places are still won't really take you seriously if you don't have the experience in their field. So how in the hell am I supposed to start over? This is why I still only work part time in a coffee shop....

Ack.

My old job is open ... the one 90 miles away... not my cushy research job.

This is the 3rd time since I've been laid off that this job has been posted. It would solve and create many a problem.

• Problems solved: 
• Money
• Great insurance
• feelings of doing something with myself again.
• Problems created
• 90 mile 1 way commute
• the fact that I would be
•  gone 14 hrs a day or have to "relocate" during the week 
• Relationship strain. when I was living there it came to a point I had to leap and move or we weren't going to be able to move forward. Going back would take me back to that place and some pretty negative things around that time.
• Having to give up the organizations I belong to
• Losing the time to stay focused on my health.
• OH YEAH, I'd have to commit to that for 2 years!

So I've pretty much convinced myself to just keep my head up and stay focused on my search here. SOMETHING has to come along. It's still really hard when I see the salary.... sigh....

My No good very bad horrible day.

Horrible horrible day.

I worked 9.5 hours. ... well I got a half hour break. Yep... a whole 1/2 an hour. normal jobs you'd get 2 15's AND the 1/2 hour. Not my job. I feel like absolute crap. And I have my interview tomorrow to get ready for, a crap ton to do for the women of today and a meeting tonight which will of course take til 9:30 (that's the drawback of an organization of over 40 people who do at least 1 activity a week, if not more.. our meetings take FOREVER).

Stressed much?

Also, THIS makes me want to cry. I haven't personally seen it, but I've suspected it's been going on without written/verbal acknowledgment from HR departments. Knowing the statistics that 46% of the unemployed have been so for over 6 months just helps confirm that this. Whether you were laid off through no fault of your own, you have a sign hanging around your neck that says, "don't hire me, hell don't even look at my resume because I'm just a f* up and you don't want me". As I've said many times, maybe FIVE years ago this could be true. NOT NOW.  Take that optimism.  I believe I first read about the phenomenon on a friend's blog (I was totally going to be cool and link that post, but I can't find it and I don't have time or patience. Sorry). I didn't want to believe it was true. I wanted to believe me and my friends weren't getting through HR filters because of something we could actually change (like resume key words, etc). I wanted to believe that I was just not working hard enough/applying enough/networking enough. That's something I can control. Root of all problems -- I'm a control freak in hiding. It comes out with a vengeance and I think it's getting worse. Probably because of the big white elephant in the room that I can't control so I overcompensate......

In other news, future MIL does not like my potential timeline for the wedding day. She hates the 3 hour gap we'll have, thinks we should turn it into an afternoon meal/party out of consideration for the older adults who expect to eat within 1/2 hour of a ceremony. I could include a potentially very long rant about this but ultimately, it's over a year away so I'm trying to just drop it all from my mind. She's entitled to her opinion and that's just what it is. I'm also refraining from replying today because I'm just way too crabby and I know I'll say something I'll regret.

If you're taking bets as to when I swear I want to just call the whole thing off and elope, you're too late. I wanted to do that when shopping for a reception venue, which I ABSOLUTELY hated looking for. So far it's been the least favorite part of the process.

Ok I have 2 hours to get stuff done.

AAARRRGH.

This may be a bit rambling:

So today's issue of the Star Tribune had an article about just how hopeless things are if you've been out of work for over 6 months. It's saying that people out 6 months are having an increasingly difficult time finding jobs. 49% of the out of work have been so for over 6 months. That's a pretty scary stat. It also deflates my own already low hopes that things will change.

I was hopeless reading it and then that quickly turned to anger when I was reading the comments. So many of the comments were:

 a) blaming Obama/liberals --because the economy was doing SOOO freaking awesome in 2007, right? Wait, isn't that when it crashed? Wasn't it Bush's initiatives for increasing home ownership by taking advantage of people and lax oversight that got us into this mess? ...but yes, by all means pass the blame.

b) blaming the unemployed.

Now this one really ticks me off. Comments of this variety took the road of saying, "well if the person was any good at their old job, was truly driven, was worth anything at all, they'd have a job. They must have been a weak link to be let go and no one should take them." or my personal favorite "the unemployed are being lazy and too picky. There's plenty of jobs out there, but they're not willing to lower themselves to doing them."

Yes, everyone knows someone who is perfectly content letting the government supplement their life. Everyone knows someone who is making the best of a sour situation and putting on a happy face saying "oh it gives me time to figure out what I truly want",  but for every one of those, there's countless others who just want a job that will allow them to pay their bills. To not have to say to themselves, " pay this bill or eat?" I, too, was one of those who was trying to make the best of it. Saying that very thing to myself. Check my archives, I'm pretty sure I have a post or two about it. But I can tell you that those feelings wore off after 6 months, 80+ applications.  5 years ago, people who were out of work this long could seriously be asked, "what's wrong with you?" and they probably didn't mind being off in the first place.

Now, this continual stigmatizing of the out of work as lazy, unworthy employees just keeps us out even longer. I came to the sad realization a few months ago that my skills are getting out of date and with each passing month, each job I apply to and NEVER hear from the chances of going back to a job in that skill set decline more and more. Add that to the slim chances I have of getting a job in another field because of competition with so many other people who actually have the qualifications and I question how to even stand out.

My other favorite comment had to do with "just start your own business, control your destiny". And how, prey tell does one do that if they have no money. Making less than $1200/month doesn't exactly scream to banks, "give me $ to start up". Making that little doesn't exactly allow one to have any money of their own.

I could probably ramble on for quite a bit longer about the comments on this article because I'm that fired up.

or wait, maybe I'm just one of those useless, lazy, whiny unemployed  sitting around feeling sorry for myself. *rolls eyes*

not even qualified to tie my own shoes....

Which must be why I wear so many slip ons... ha ha.

Because I'm frustrated, I've been stepping up my job search which means a couple things:

1. I compulsively check job sites looking at job after job that I am not qualified and see very few that I am qualified for
2. I get more and more depressed at that fact because I look daily and see nothing which makes me angry which makes check more and more often hoping for change, yet seeing none. It's a vicious cycle. 

In the end, I start to wonder if I'm actually qualified for anything, including the aforementioned tying of my own shoes. One begins to wonder, do I have a degree in shoe tying? No.  What is it on my resume that can stand out and say I'm more qualified for this shoe tying business than the next person? Is it all just a crap shoot? What makes a HR person choose the other people?

All I know is I need whatever voodoo people who are getting decent jobs in this economy are using so I can also get one. 

Welcome to my weekly meltdown

Its really hard to stay positive. I slip into a stressed out funk about 1x a week, if not more. This time it's been triggered by schedule dissatisfaction, seeing my old job posted (not at the research lab, the wonderfully overpaying one before that) and how much they start at now -- I'll just say it was utterly depressing/devastating to my psyche because I know I stand a snowball's chance in hell of ever making that again--, and general frustration with my complete loss of direction. 

The worst part is the aforementioned complete lack of desire to even try anymore. I've entered apathic stage again. *sigh*

MSN, meet Yahoo. Yahoo meet MSN

I feel like I'm beating a dead horse and i apologize....


Useless job hunting articles and advice:


MSN's headline (well one of 5 top stories they have) is "Got the Job Search Blues, Cheer up!".... It then has an article about 3 "success" stories that is apparently supposed to make me feel all warm and fuzzy about 3 people who found their way through: volunteering, networking (as if this is some NEW concept *rolls eyes*), and thinking about what you really want. 


Because for the last year I  haven't been volunteering, networking and thinking about what I really want? Seriously? It sounded more likely that these 3 people just caught a lucky break. 


The 2nd article is about ways to help your family cope with your long term bum, ahem unemployment, status: 

To cope with such situations, job seekers can utilize a broad set of emotional intelligence (EQ) skills, Kappesser says. In her book, she identifies other job search obstacles and explains how using EQ skills can help everyone cope more effectively. Below are examples from "The Smart New Way to Get Hired: Use Emotional Intelligence and Land the Right Job:"

Seriously? How do I get that job where I'm paid to write bullsht like this? It's not like any of this is a new concept. She just bundled a whole bunch of things together and gave it a catchy name. What a hack!

I should know better than to click on this pointless dribble. Especially when MSN frequently uses the folks at Careerbuilder for their advice. I'm pretty sure this is the worst job site out there. Half the time the jobs they "post" don't even exist if you go to the company website. I've also never heard back from a single job I applied to via that site. It's become so common to use the web for job searching and submittal almost all of these sites are becoming useless tools that make you feel like you're getting something done, but really just submitting your resume into the electronic wasteland.


And now for my final rant of the day:

Why should I spend time crafting my resume and coverletter, sending it to you with care only to never hear  back? I agree with friends who say that companies really are taking advantage of the situation to not have to the follow through and common courtesy aspect of their job. The least companies can do is acknowledge your resume was received!

Thought of the day:

Really sick of the phrase, "How's the job hunt going?"

Because no one really wants to hear the answer. They aren't reassured my my chortling laugh at the very idea that I'll get a full time job again. They don't want to hear that as I approach 1 year of being unemployed I'm sinking further and further into an abyss. They don't want to hear that I've gotten used to the pit of stress from constantly worrying about money and my future. How I don't remember what it's like to work full time anymore and to not feel like I do. That my new normal is significantly diminished from my old normal.They don't want to hear that I don't know what I want to be anymore because my self confidence in my abilities and worthiness of a real job are completely shot to hell. That even if by some small miracle I actually get an interview for a job I desire, I can actually convince the interviewer I'm worthy.

No, they want to hear happy happy Me talking of wedding plans and tons of job leads and that I feel things are turning around for me. So please, refrain from asking the words, "How's the job hunt going?" because honestly, if it were going anything but miserably, I'd already have a job and we wouldn't be talking about it.

I will also remind myself to try to not use that phrase on my job hunting friends. To them, I'm sorry I've used that phrase as a conversation starter.

So How's the Job hunt?

This question is the bane of my existence right now.

The question used to be "When are you going to get engaged?" but since losing my job and being unable to find suitable employment after 10 months, I'm pretty sick of hearing this question. Even though the economy sucks and many places just aren't hiring, people still attach a stigma to you. They poke and prod and judge and act like the reason you're not employed doesn't have to do with what you're actually qualified for but that you're at fault. That you're being to picky.

I feel like enough of a failure and a 28 year old burn out that I don't need other people's judgement or pity.