2010 is the year of ___?

So what is this year going to be for me?

2009 was the year of great humbling for me and many changes. I got knocked down off my pedestal and still don't really know where I am as a result. I kind of feel like I went from being on a path to just floating around. I guess going from a full time lab job to a part time coffee shop job will do that to someone....

I think my posts over the last 8 months reflect that. I started this blog as a way to delude myself that I was still able to live the good life on 1/3 the money, but that gave way to reality when the creature comforts I hung on to were bankrupting me. That realization gave way to bitterness. Anger at myself. Frustration at being so overqualified and yet completely underqualified at the same time. Frustration that I can't even tell people what I want and they can't find me a place for me either. I feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Feeling like I peaked at 25. What does that give way to?

I am enjoying the part time job. It's fun. Not too challenging. I have the personality for it. And as long as I'm getting unemployment, the money I make is mostly icing on the cake so I do have cause to feel slightly less stressed about money. But I'm hesitant to spend any of it. There's a long list of things I want, but I'm so scared to spend it.

So what does 2010 hold for me? I'm taking classes this spring, working part time. I'm suddenly 19 again without the can-do take over the world optimism. I'm only not completely underwater because of my fiance. Without him, I'd have lost my house.It's so scary to admit that.

I won't say 2010 can't be worse than 2009 because if I don't find more than part time work, and my unemployment runs out or I start to make too much at my part time job, I'm screwed. I'm on a tightrope here.

2010 will be the year of ____? I guess I just don't know what it will be.