OOO! Centerpieces

Spring Wedding idea:

groupings of little potted plants on each table.... Each guest takes one home at the end of the night. Instant favors and centerpieces.

I, of course, need to figure out the budget of a project like that, but it could be a fun idea.

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong to look at the pictures of my dress compulsively (like 3x + a day!)? Is it wrong to see plants at the store and my first thought goes to: "ooo! I could plant them and have my wedding flowers next year!"?

I flip between constant wedding thoughts to not thinking about it for a while. But it's way more fun to think of wedding stuff than all the job uncertainty/failure crap.

MSN, meet Yahoo. Yahoo meet MSN

I feel like I'm beating a dead horse and i apologize....


Useless job hunting articles and advice:


MSN's headline (well one of 5 top stories they have) is "Got the Job Search Blues, Cheer up!".... It then has an article about 3 "success" stories that is apparently supposed to make me feel all warm and fuzzy about 3 people who found their way through: volunteering, networking (as if this is some NEW concept *rolls eyes*), and thinking about what you really want. 


Because for the last year I  haven't been volunteering, networking and thinking about what I really want? Seriously? It sounded more likely that these 3 people just caught a lucky break. 


The 2nd article is about ways to help your family cope with your long term bum, ahem unemployment, status: 

To cope with such situations, job seekers can utilize a broad set of emotional intelligence (EQ) skills, Kappesser says. In her book, she identifies other job search obstacles and explains how using EQ skills can help everyone cope more effectively. Below are examples from "The Smart New Way to Get Hired: Use Emotional Intelligence and Land the Right Job:"

Seriously? How do I get that job where I'm paid to write bullsht like this? It's not like any of this is a new concept. She just bundled a whole bunch of things together and gave it a catchy name. What a hack!

I should know better than to click on this pointless dribble. Especially when MSN frequently uses the folks at Careerbuilder for their advice. I'm pretty sure this is the worst job site out there. Half the time the jobs they "post" don't even exist if you go to the company website. I've also never heard back from a single job I applied to via that site. It's become so common to use the web for job searching and submittal almost all of these sites are becoming useless tools that make you feel like you're getting something done, but really just submitting your resume into the electronic wasteland.


And now for my final rant of the day:

Why should I spend time crafting my resume and coverletter, sending it to you with care only to never hear  back? I agree with friends who say that companies really are taking advantage of the situation to not have to the follow through and common courtesy aspect of their job. The least companies can do is acknowledge your resume was received!

I said yes to a dress!

I found a dress last night. Actually, scratch that, I bought and took with me a dress last night!

Of all places, I found it at David's Bridal! I honestly was not expecting to find one there because I did always imagine myself supporting a local boutique. But those local boutiques, well they can't beat lace, beads, AND sparkle for 1/2 the amount I was anticipating spending on a dress in the first place! This means I suddenly have about $200 extra dollars in my wedding budget (after alterations... unless of course I can save on those too?). It also means I can rest easy that my dress, while still the most expensive dress I've ever bought and worn, didn't break the bank, nor my deposit for a reception/ceremony venue.

Back view of the dress
Front view of the dress

I don't know if these pics necessarily do the dress justice, but they're all I could find right now.

Some things that'll be different:

1. I plan on having a thin (1.5"-2.5") black sash slightly higher than my natural waist line, but not quite at empire waistline height.
2. I will hopefully be wearing a black flower in my hair and possibly a simple veil

So the dress now resides in a nice garment bag at my maid of honor's house. Why not in my own house? Because I'm the girl who, when she gets something new has to show it off to the fiance. If I brought home aforementioned dress, I would probably have put it on right away or shown him. Not that I'm a super traditionalist about the whole "not seeing each other before the ceremony" thing but I do feel that I should try to keep in in the dark for the next year. Its hard enough having links to it!

Thought of the day:

Really sick of the phrase, "How's the job hunt going?"

Because no one really wants to hear the answer. They aren't reassured my my chortling laugh at the very idea that I'll get a full time job again. They don't want to hear that as I approach 1 year of being unemployed I'm sinking further and further into an abyss. They don't want to hear that I've gotten used to the pit of stress from constantly worrying about money and my future. How I don't remember what it's like to work full time anymore and to not feel like I do. That my new normal is significantly diminished from my old normal.They don't want to hear that I don't know what I want to be anymore because my self confidence in my abilities and worthiness of a real job are completely shot to hell. That even if by some small miracle I actually get an interview for a job I desire, I can actually convince the interviewer I'm worthy.

No, they want to hear happy happy Me talking of wedding plans and tons of job leads and that I feel things are turning around for me. So please, refrain from asking the words, "How's the job hunt going?" because honestly, if it were going anything but miserably, I'd already have a job and we wouldn't be talking about it.

I will also remind myself to try to not use that phrase on my job hunting friends. To them, I'm sorry I've used that phrase as a conversation starter.

Annoying Yahoo article

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/10-Jobs-With-Great-Return-on-usnews-4256113474.html?x=0

This article is so far off base, it's not even funny. This will fall into yet another pointless yahoo jobs/finance article that I wasted minutes on.  I'll discuss the fallacies in their job reasoning below, but first I will say, they give stats for how much these make, but don't tell you how much the average schooling is for these jobs. How can you say they're a great return when you don't know the actual statistics on cost of education? They're missing 1/2 of the article. Are they really that good of value if they're so specialized that you won't get a job in it? ok moving onto the jobs highlighted:

Let's see: Radiation Therapist 70K+ with an associates degree.... EXCEPT: More often than not those programs require you to already be IN the field of Radiology Tech (another associates degree). To get into Radiology tech, you first need your pre-reqs done either through an existing bachelor's degree or through taking them at the local community college and by grace of god getting into aforementioned radiology tech program. So really that 2 year associates degree in Radiation therapy is more like 6 -8 years of schooling. Nice try Yahoo. I've researched this path for a career, I'm on to you!

Job # 2: Dental Hygienist: Another associates degree: Good luck getting into that one! Once again, most require at least 2 years of pre-requisites, excellent grades and grace of god to actually get into a program.I've also researched this one and even went to informational sessions only to find out the above.

Other jobs mentioned: Petroleum engineer, Transportation engineer, Nuclear power reactor operator (because there are SOOOO many nuclear reactors here, right?) and Prosthedontist (a further certification AFTER bachelors degree, AFTER dental school --approx 12 years of school).

Return on investment for these programs? Somehow, I doubt it. And to mis-represent some of them as a simple 2 year program does a great injustice.

Insurance -- Warning There Will be Expletives

So I have insurance now. We should be happy, right? Because insurance means I can start going to the doctor again and gettting skin checks to make sure my melanoma isn't back. Oh but wait. That's a pre-existing condition so apparently getting regular responsible check ups to make sure I'm in the clear ISN'T COVERED. Seriously how fucked up is that? They apparently won't cover it for a year. That's a year that a suspicous mole could be caught and removed or it could sit there and fester into melanoma and kill me.  Ok, little dramatic there, but you get the point. How does that even make sense??????

So FUCK YOU BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD. Good thing I'll be paying 120$ a month to NOT be able to take care of the one issue that needs to be taken care of.

Appeal, You better believe I'm appealing this decision. Blue Cross has Officially unleashed "The Wrath".

Failure

I've made the mistake of "trying" to step up my job search. ... Yeah that's a surefire way to kill every shred of self confidence. No one has any use for me. Science jobs either want entry level (with absolutely NO experience) or Post-Doctorate level/senior management. If they do want mid level, they rightfully so want it in their niche and more of a manufacturing based experience.

So here I sit with my fancy degree....  my college was pretentious enough to call it an A.B. (the "in latin" version of a B.A... Who does that?.). Sure isn't helping me get a job. So glad I paid how much a year for that?!.
I'm glad I met the people I did. I'm glad I had the experiences I did. But I'm in a bitter mood right now. I know I'd be in the same boat regardless of where the degree came from. I'm just picking on the place the degree came from right now.

I think I need sleep.

Under a DQ induced sugar high

I think I was under a sugar high. Today, reason kicked in. And the reality of at least 300$ in alterations. When it's going to cost almost half of the dress price to alter, it's just not such a good deal anymore....

I wasn't ready anyway to stop looking.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Freaking out!

I think I found the dress. Ok, more than I think. I'm 90% sure I found the dress!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't think I'd find it so quickly. I went 1 place with Beth on a whim. I tried on about 10 dresses and this was the one! Fiance doesn't read this blog so I'm not too worried about posting it. The one for me is ivory and of course much larger than the beautiful one on the model. But I am kind of short and round so that's to be expected. The killer part is that I have to decide by tomorrow. I have it on hold. It's a discontinued model so I'd get an AMAZING deal on it.... LIKE 50% off amazing deal!

My big decision is: Do I leap on it, or do I keep looking?

a desk of my own

Today was the first day I haven't had anything planned in what feels like WEEKS. So I used that time to do some online training for my Pampered Chef stuff, went and got office supplies for it and spent the majority of the rest of the day clearing out a little niche for myself in the office for a pseudo-desk.

I do love office supplies though. Going shopping for things like a mileage ledger, a balance book (to log my receipts) and other stuff was quite fun. After the training stuff, I am inspired to really get more proactive and try to grow my business

After my little cleaning party, I have about 2 feet by 1ft of desk space, and my file cabinet. My sewing machine moved to on top of the file cabinet thus clearing the desk. The sad thing is, that if fiance were in this situation, we would have had a desk for him last year. Me, it's been years since I've had a desk space for myself. So having this little space is a bit of a victory, although not much of one.

Up until now for the most part, I never really needed desk space so it was never a big deal not having one--the whole using a laptop thing usually negates the need for a formal desk. But with wedding planning stuff, Women of Today stuff, P.C. stuff AND school stuff, I'm beginning to need it. All this stuff just collected in the dining room and living room and cluttered that up. 1800 SF and I still live like I'm in an apartment of 1/2 that space. I'm hoping over the next few months, we redo our office set up to somehow involve me getting a real desk space.....

. 

90 day health challenge update

I'm doing really well on not drinking pop. In fact, I haven't had one since I started the challenge! I've also refrained from over-sweetened drinks except for about 1x per week I allow myself a little treat (a tea latte or a smoothie). It helps that it's warmer out so my drink options can be iced for more variety.

I've been doing ok to sub-par on exercise - averaging about 2x per week and I haven't been running. I've just been so tired/distracted. But now that class is over, I think I can concentrate on running again.

Stretching- not doing well on it. I should have aimed for less than every day, but I was under that new health plan vigor which quickly puttered out.

So my moving forward plan:

• Keep adding water to my daily consumption
• Continue to avoid sugar in my coffee and soda pop
• Work in 1 -2 more workouts per week
• STRETCH!!!!!

Joys of Homeownership... continued

Our roof still leaks.

Last year about this time we discovered our dear roof leaks in the kitchen. This prompted the great road trip (a.k.a. When life gives you lemons; say f*ck you, lemons, we're going to New York) of 2009.... well the leaking roof was the straw that broke the camel's back because it was right after I found out I would not have a job at the end of May. Well my dad came out and looked at our roof and maintained it was because the flashing between our roof and our neighbors house was not done right/absent so that was causing the leak. So he fixed it and we went on our merry little way.

Fast forward to 4am this morning mid thunderstorm/torrential downpour: the leak has returned. "good morning to me"/say it with me: *ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!*

This tells me that

1. the problem is bigger than we think
2. the owners prior to the previous owners either did it themselves or hired the cheapest/crappiest roofer possible and the result is crappy workmanship -- hence the absence of proper flashing that has already been addressed..

Either way, I really hope it's just more flashing issues around vents and not a whole roof problem that necessitates putting on a new roof. Or I really will have to say good bye to the delusion that I'll have a proper wedding.....

Support.... Where is it?

I'm really frustrated right now.

It just seems like the key person in my life who should support me, or at least show some sort of emotion/excitement has decided to check out. No, not even check out, more like nay say, change the subject or tell me I'm wasting my time. Great, huh? No, it's not my fiance doing this. It's my dear mother.

She fully supported me going to college. She even fully supported me buying a house and they still help out a lot with that. Anything I bring related to the house, she's really excited to talk about. But anything having to do with my personal life --dating, being engaged, trying to plan a wedding, trying out the Pampered Chef Consulting business is met with aforementioned disdain, disinterest or flat out dejection.

This isn't exactly a new issue either. All while dating my fiance, any time I vented or an issue came up, she's told me to cut ties and just move. When I lost my job, and to this day, she tells me to consider moving. Says that I'm being tied down. When, I'm sorry, but the whole f-ing country is a mess. My chances of finding a job out of state are just as slim as they are here.

Upon reiterating over and over again that I think I want a real wedding, not just eloping, she tells me its a waste of money and doesn't even get excited when I talked of going to see my first reception hall or ceremony site. Not exactly how I imagined wedding planning would go.

It's no wonder I've been holding out on telling her that I'd decided to become a consultant. But I figured tonight I had to finally tell her. And her first reaction was "Nooooo. Why would you want to do that?"

I normally can tell my mom anything... well almost anything.... and it feels as of late, the two big things going on in my life she seems to want nothing to do with. She doesn't even understand why I'm part of the women of today either.

It makes me sad. It makes me angry. It makes me excessively self conscious about my decisions. It just feels like I'm somehow a big disappointment in everything I'm doing now because it doesn't fit into their plan....

Ceremony/Reception stuff

AHHH! The horticulturist from Norenberg Gardens called me back this morning! Branden and I can come and take a tour of the place before they open in May. This is a beautiful garden along Lake Minnetonka and behind the Sculpture Garden, my #1 place to hold my ceremony. So I think it's time to get going, call the people at Holiday Inn and the lady at the garden and see about touring these places today!

So, I'm pretty sure that I know what I want: garden ceremony, hotel reception. It feels so good to be able to say that I kind of know what I want. And as soon as it proved fairly financially feasible (a wonderful little alliteration!), I realized that even though I claimed that I never had any idea what I really wanted out of my wedding, I actually did because this just feels right.

Gardens to see:

• Norenberg Gardens, Wayzata
• Centennial Lakes Ampitheatre, Edina
• Minnehaha Falls park -- There are 2 gardens there that could work
• any of the Minneapolis Park District gardens :)

Hotels:

• Holiday Inn in Maple Grove, if we pursue Norenberg Gardens
• a hotel in Bloomington if we pursue any park in the South Minneapolis/SW metro area.

Now to sit down and add it up to make sure it fits within the ol' budget.

Week 2: Crash and Burn

And I'm not talking burning of calories.

I failed miserably last week with the exercise aspect of the plan. I also didn't do impeccably well by the end of the week with diet... and then Easter happened to further send me downhill.

But this week is a new week. I'm already doing really well on the water thing. Now, I just need to get up and work out!

Another Wedding planning 1st

I sent my first ever proposal request to a venue! Time to find out what the folks at the Holiday Inn in Maple Grove can do for me!

The more I think about it, the more I would like to utilize a hotel for a reception. I like the idea that people won't have to worry about transportation after the reception. Simple is good and hopefully cheaper.

Three Rivers Park District sites are mostly out for a reception: Room rental rates of 1200-2000$!!!! That doesn't even include the actual reception and food.

I think my next call will be to a place on Lake Minnetonka for a ceremony site. I have a few ideas floating around so hopefully something can pan out.

28 going on 60

My hip hurts. I sat on a hard dining room chair for most of the day trying to work on my dang class journal for psych. By mid afternoon my hip hurt so much. Walking was even kind of tortuous. I'm still sore today too, even after I tried stretching it out. *argh.

Not to mention I'm currently sitting on my deck in sunglasses and a tan wide brim hat. I took a little walk around my yard to see what else is deciding to burst through the ground and salute the sun and a guy was walking to his truck.... After I turned to walk back to the deck, I realized that I probably look about 60 the way I'm dressed: Long sleeve t-shirt, pink workout capris, barefoot, in a hat and sunglasses.... Oh dear.

finding joy in the simple things

I'm currently sitting on my deck, soaking in the sun. This is not something I'd be doing if I worked full time. Nor would I be going for a walk or run in the middle of the day. So there are some hidden joys. Although, I'd trade it all to go back to stability and a decent paycheck.... For now, I'll relish this moment in the sun.