Hi, I'm Little Miss Bipolar Bear

Yesterday's bad day had me crabby, angry. Last nights Women of Today meeting had me happy and feeling blissful/at peace. Work and subsequent interview scramble had me frazzled. Ice cream had me relaxed. Sitting down.... I've crashed. Dear Fiance must think I'm losing my mind, or circling the drain further into my own insanity.

Further adding to the downward spiral: I was all excited about booking Noerenberg. Even had a potential timeline. Future Mother in Law hated timeline. (see prior post for some elaboration) due to large gap between. More than hated. Now I'm freaking out.

I made the mistake of googling the concept and reading other forums. From that search and my personal soul searching,  Something I've learned:

• Don't ask for customs and ettiquette advice on a national board. The midwest is a special special place and tends to be much more laid back due to accomodating church ceremonies, etc. At least that's my snap judgment of what I read before I got scared by the replies aimed at other brides asking a similar question as me -- I'm glad I researched before posting!
• Don't read too many opinions, I am more confused than before.
• I may be out of line planning for such a huge gap, regardless of custom. I also may be overestimating just how long I want to spend in my pretty pretty dress and how long people are willing to stay dressed up for. Apparently not everyone can be expected to have the energy and attention span of a hamster on cocaine that I must envision myself having....
• The all mighty reality of the bank account is bleak. Beyond bleak and on to scary. Reception place and dress are paid for. Ceremony isn't I have 110 days to cancel and get 100% refund. I think I may have to do that. As much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the place, wonky timing and lack of immediate resolution to my employment situation/realization of negative income pretty much kill this whole deal. The reception is the important part. It's the most money. It's the timeliest part. The timing of that should be the dictator, not the other way around. 

Now I'm not angry (unless of course I reread her reply then I get a tad bit upset because she's the one who prompted this whole urgency to find a damn ceremony place), I'm sad. I don't want to be "this is all about me/us and our love. if you love us enough you'll do this" bride. I also don't want to be exhausted by dinner. 

The sadness comes from the emotional tie I had to the place. And defeat. And overall tiredness. 

I'm sure tomorrow I'll be bouncing off the walls and think I have a different decision. Stay tuned for more adventures of lil miss bipolar bear...