I have been up and down. Yesterday was a down/low point. Today is a rally.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
negative energy and counteracting it....
I've really been nostalgic this last week. It's not helpful because I've been nostalgic for how things were. I've, dare I say it, actually been missing the lab specifically that big one.
For as far as I've come healthly life-wise, I've stagnated otherwise. I feel like I'm running in place while everyone around me is moving forward. Its frustrating and hard to keep the jealousy in check. Its a toxic force and only serves to hold me further in my place. knowing that doesn't necessarily make it easy to overcome and move on. "Its not fair" and "why not me" has been in my thoughts a lot. It's causing me to put up a wall because if I don't see anyone, then I don't have to think about it. I don't have to feel like Debbie Downer. I'm fighting not only jealousy but my psyche seeking isolationism in direct competition with my social side which craves seeing friends.
I also begin to feel resentment towards dear husband for not moving forward either. That inner voice that I try to squash down telling me I'm the only one doing anything rears its ugly little head along with that jealousy monster. More negative energy.
In good news, I ran 9.0 miles today. That's the furthest I've ever run and it actually felt quite good during it! It was a bit rough around the mid section of the run, but the beautiful weather, focusing on one foot in front of another, the fact that even after over an hour of running and moving onward to 1 hr 45 minutes of running I was not huffing and puffing/wanting to die, pushed me onward. Running helps counteract the negative energy which is probably why I keep it up.
3 weeks til half marathon. This 9.0 mile run today, on top of counteracting negative energy really helped me feel good about the half marathon and completing it. I won't complete it quickly, but it will be done. Another goal set and realized. If only it worked that simply for other things in life....
For as far as I've come healthly life-wise, I've stagnated otherwise. I feel like I'm running in place while everyone around me is moving forward. Its frustrating and hard to keep the jealousy in check. Its a toxic force and only serves to hold me further in my place. knowing that doesn't necessarily make it easy to overcome and move on. "Its not fair" and "why not me" has been in my thoughts a lot. It's causing me to put up a wall because if I don't see anyone, then I don't have to think about it. I don't have to feel like Debbie Downer. I'm fighting not only jealousy but my psyche seeking isolationism in direct competition with my social side which craves seeing friends.
I also begin to feel resentment towards dear husband for not moving forward either. That inner voice that I try to squash down telling me I'm the only one doing anything rears its ugly little head along with that jealousy monster. More negative energy.
In good news, I ran 9.0 miles today. That's the furthest I've ever run and it actually felt quite good during it! It was a bit rough around the mid section of the run, but the beautiful weather, focusing on one foot in front of another, the fact that even after over an hour of running and moving onward to 1 hr 45 minutes of running I was not huffing and puffing/wanting to die, pushed me onward. Running helps counteract the negative energy which is probably why I keep it up.
3 weeks til half marathon. This 9.0 mile run today, on top of counteracting negative energy really helped me feel good about the half marathon and completing it. I won't complete it quickly, but it will be done. Another goal set and realized. If only it worked that simply for other things in life....
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
When do you give up?
Do you give up? Is that a sign of weakness, or acceptance?
When does persistence become delusion?
When does it be become hanging on to something that will never be again?
Does 6 months = irrelevance? How about 1 year? 2.5 years? Why?
When does one just hit the delete button on that experience?
I have no answers, only questions.
When does persistence become delusion?
When does it be become hanging on to something that will never be again?
Does 6 months = irrelevance? How about 1 year? 2.5 years? Why?
When does one just hit the delete button on that experience?
I have no answers, only questions.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
measurements
Last October (2010) measurements:
Weight: 138
Just under bust: 30" ------ -3.5"
Weight: 138
Just under bust: 30" ------ -3.5"
Waist: 32" ----- -2.5"
Hips: 38.5" ----- -2.0"
Thighs: 23.5" (R), 23" (left) ---- -1.0"
September 2011 measurements:
Weight: 128-130
Just under bust: 27" ---- -3" from last year and down 6.5 overall!
Waist: 30" ------- -2" and 4.5-6 overall
Hips: 37" ------- -1.5" and 3.5-4" overall
Thighs: 22.5" (R) and 22" (L) --- down 2" overall
BMI:
2008: 28.7 (at my highest)
2009: 28.0
2010: 26.5
2011: 24.2 (I'm finally in the "Normal" range!!!!)
So many changes over the past couple years.....
Ramping it up
At middle to end of summer the average week consisted of a couple 2-3 mile runs. The long runs were still guaranteed to be under an hour long. I was squeezing in cross training like rollerblading and biking. 5:30a.m. and 6am runs were my friend.
Enter September, the average run needs to be 4-5 miles with my long runs requiring over an hour of running. The mornings aren't as bright and the evening time for running is diminishing quickly. Add in that I'm suddenly working 40 hrs at one job and 5-15 at the other and I'm finding the time commitment a bit daunting.
At the same time, I can feel the last 2 months of training kicking in. Those longer runs aren't actually too bad, aside from time needed to fulfill them. I'm fairly steady with my pace and have made gains on speed on those shorter runs. I've done 3 miles in under 30 min and 2.5 in under 24! And don't even get me started on the amazing weather. The crispness in the air is a welcome change from the soup I found myself running in in late July.
Just 1 month til the half marathon.
2.5 months until my honemoon. After the half marathon, I can slow down the running a bit, but use the new time to add in the strength training so I can be in even better shape, possibly bikini shape by the time the boat sails! No matter what, I'll be wearing a bikini because it's the only swimsuits I have. It's just a matter of looking slightly less soft in them!
Enter September, the average run needs to be 4-5 miles with my long runs requiring over an hour of running. The mornings aren't as bright and the evening time for running is diminishing quickly. Add in that I'm suddenly working 40 hrs at one job and 5-15 at the other and I'm finding the time commitment a bit daunting.
At the same time, I can feel the last 2 months of training kicking in. Those longer runs aren't actually too bad, aside from time needed to fulfill them. I'm fairly steady with my pace and have made gains on speed on those shorter runs. I've done 3 miles in under 30 min and 2.5 in under 24! And don't even get me started on the amazing weather. The crispness in the air is a welcome change from the soup I found myself running in in late July.
Just 1 month til the half marathon.
2.5 months until my honemoon. After the half marathon, I can slow down the running a bit, but use the new time to add in the strength training so I can be in even better shape, possibly bikini shape by the time the boat sails! No matter what, I'll be wearing a bikini because it's the only swimsuits I have. It's just a matter of looking slightly less soft in them!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
