negative energy and counteracting it....

I've really been nostalgic this last week. It's not helpful because I've been nostalgic for how things were. I've, dare I say it, actually been missing the lab specifically that big one.

For as far as I've come healthly life-wise, I've stagnated otherwise. I feel like I'm running in place while everyone around me is moving forward. Its frustrating and hard to keep the jealousy in check. Its a toxic force and only serves to hold me further in my place. knowing that doesn't necessarily make it easy to overcome and move on. "Its not fair" and "why not me" has been in my thoughts a lot. It's causing me to put up a wall because if I don't see anyone, then I don't have to think about it. I don't have to feel like Debbie Downer. I'm fighting not only jealousy but my psyche seeking isolationism in direct competition with my social side which craves seeing friends.

I also begin to feel resentment towards dear husband for not moving forward either. That inner voice that I try to squash down telling me I'm the only one doing anything rears its ugly little head along with that jealousy monster. More negative energy.

In good news, I ran 9.0 miles today. That's the furthest I've ever run and it actually felt quite good during it! It was a bit rough around the mid section of the run, but the beautiful weather, focusing on one foot in front of another, the fact that even after over an hour of running and moving onward to 1 hr 45 minutes of running I was not huffing and puffing/wanting to die, pushed me onward. Running helps counteract the negative energy which is probably why I keep it up.

3 weeks til half marathon. This 9.0 mile run today, on top of counteracting negative energy really helped me feel good about the half marathon and completing it. I won't complete it quickly, but it will be done. Another goal set and realized. If only it worked that simply for other things in life....