Freak out subsiding and my new "happy place"

Wedding Freak outs and Vacation porn

So I've been freaking out pretty hard core on the wedding thing. Not the whole idea of the wedding, just the cost. I'm a worrier like that and I really just needed to talk it out with dear fiance. This is when I'm reminded of how good we are together and the balance we bring to one another. I can be high strung and a bit of a worry wart when it comes to all things money. I see final numbers and freak out. I use the anxiety of my job hunt failures to draw greater meaning (if this were meant to happen, I'd have a real job by now, etc).  Whereas he looks at the list of expenses and says, "what's the biggest check we'll have to write out and when will it have to be done? and What can we pay for little by little to ease the burden?" Just talking about those things really helped reign me back in. I really think this balance makes us a pretty healthy couple. Now we just need to work on our communication because it took me weeks to start vocalizing these concerns to him.

I still freak out a little at the expense of the wedding coupled with all the other things I want to do but I'm willing to get back into the planning...

 Before all the wedding talk, dear fiance looked up vacations thanks to an email from a cruise line promoting deals. I will hereby refer to these emails and the subsequent searching as vacation porn. You know you can't have it but you sit and research it anyway.  He found a 15 day cruise from Miami to Los Angeles (or vice versa, I can't remember) for $750/person! You even get to go through the Panama canal! How cool would that be?  But alas, I certainly don't have $1000 lying around to pay for my half and he'd be using all of his money he needs to live. :( So there will be no vacation. Because honestly, vacation, wedding, season tickets for the Twins AND house renovations just can't happen when you have me underemployed and him not employed. Amazing how that works, huh? It did get us looking at impossible (financially out of reach) trips.

I officially picked out my absolute dream trip: Cruise from CA to Hawaii, Tahiti and on to Australia. Then spend 3 weeks touring Australia and New Zealand then fly home. It would be about a 6 week trip (!) and would cost somewhere around $10K. Other dream trips: 1 month in India; Icebreaker cruise to Australia (about $25K/person!!!), hiking up Kilamanjaro and seeing Victoria Falls; a Galapagos Islands tour coupled with a trip to Peru to Machu Pichu. Now if only I a) had a job that paid me to do those things or b) was a millionaire.... Don't see either of those happening any time soon, so these remain what they are: dream trips.

Now about my new "happy place". Full of poetic language too!

It happened this morning. It was a beautiful, crisp morning (makes my thoughts turn to apples, fall color, warm sweaters, and bonfires... I LOVE FALL and can't wait til its here!) and I met a fellow runner bright and early @ 6:05am. We set out on our run which was a great combination of hills and flat. As we approached the 2 mile mark, we hit the Purgatory Creek Park recreation area and the sun was rising higher above the horizon. A beautiful mysterious fog blanketed the watery/marsh area. It was so quiet as we looped the trail, running felt great. My stride felt natural and non-jarring, my whole body felt in sync with itself, too. As we started our way back, the sun at our backs, we chased our shadows onward towards home. In the whole 4.25 mile run, we did 2 small walking stretches and a cool down walk for a total of about 0.5 miles walking. I think today was the best 3.75 miles of running has EVER felt.