Yes, dear friends, followers. I yet again ponder why I'm doing all this planning for something that is ultimately beyond my means. I'm frustrated hoping that a job will magically appear and I'm sick of pretending everything is alright. I feel down right delusional planning a real wedding when I barely make enough to keep up month to month.
As much as I want the typical wedding experience, theres a voice of dissent within me that says we should just plan a little trip, invite a few family and friends and call it good. If my job situation turns around, then we could plan a reception for after we get back.
The part that sucks is I'll have to make a decision and stand by it at this point. I either need to move forward and start booking vendors (photog, dj, etc) OR cancel the whole thing and just tell people it's not happening on that date. The limbo part sucks. My mom was happy at my pseudo-revelation (as she doesn't want me to do a wedding... which may be why I'm holding on to doing one so badly). Fiance's mom was not happy and coming up with ideas that I absolutely hate (depending on their extended family members to provide services). Her wanting it to happen and refusing to understand that I'm beginning to view the whole thing as a waste of money makes me want to elope all that much more.
So as usual, I'm at odds with myself. Which one do I want to antagonize more: FMIL or Mom?
HA!
Best case scenario: an elopement that makes my mom be present and doesn't include ANY extended family whatsoever therefore bugging FMIL AND a reception that my mom HAS to be at. HA!
I'm feeling a bit snarky/bitchy. This process brings out the worst in me.
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