Here's an analogy for you:

I fear I'm beginning to sound like the 40 yr old persistently single lady living with 8 cats. All she desperately wants is what she can't seem to find and as time goes by, she gets more desperate. The desperation comes through in everything she says and does and can no longer hide it. Even when she's telling people that things are fine, it's being said with a increasingly crumbling facade. A thin, wavering smile just on the cusp of turning to despair....

One might infer from my description that I am talking about being single, but my friends you know that is not true. I'm talking about a job. I feel like I need to go into an interview with a glittery cap and tap dancing shoes screaming, "look at me! Look at me!!!! I've been here all along. Look, tell me how high to jump, I'm short but I'll jump as high as you want... no really!?!?  I will."

That optimism about "maybe it'll be the next one" or the one after that... is cracking