Half Marathon 2 Complete... now faltering

I did it. I completed half marathon number 2 in October!

Look at those elevation changes! I even beat last year's time by over 4 minutes. I could have hit my goal, but I was starting to feel my calf muscles wanting to cramp so I eased up. I still finished in a respectable 2h 32 m and 9s.

Since then....

Well let's just say my 1 week off turned into 2 which turned into several weeks of only running 1x a week.

And that's where I'm stuck. What brings me joy isn't enough to wake me up in the morning and that's frustrating. But I am finding myself checking out races for next year (even MARATHONS!??? WHAT???) and so I know that I must get back out there if I'm going to follow through on my goal of 2 half marathons and at least 1 10-miler.

Tomorrow is another day... I will try again to get up.

training update, motivation, planning ahead

10 miles.

1 month ago if you told me I'd plan to and succeed at running 10 miles, I may have laughed at you. Not because I was capable, but because my training had faltered and I was having issues even getting out for 3 miles, let alone 6+.

I'm on target for distance, but pace has definitely slowed back down to about an 11 minute mile. I'm not loving the slowed pace, but I have been concentrating on making those runs progressively harder with the distance climbed. During my half last year my climb was 891 feet. Over the past 3 weeks my long runs have been 449 ft, 557 ft and then 501 ft. Probably helps explain the slower pace. Today I threw in some trails for good measure as this will be a trail half I'm doing.

Today's motivation came not from music but from an audiobook. I've been reading a lot online (some ... believe it or not, fan fiction for some shows I watch. Never really imagined myself as the fan fiction reading type. From what I've read though it makes me feel quite normal for all of the imaginary tales i send characters on outside of the show or book when I'm trying to fall asleep) and also been working on some other books sitting in my queue. All the fan fic got me in the mood for a good old fashioned crime novel (I read more historical fiction and non-fiction as of late) so I started an audiobook version of Patricia Cornwell "Scarpetta". I've been following her series since probably 8th grade so it was rather comforting to settle into something familiar. I'm about a quarter of the way done now between the run and then listening several times throughout the day. It was just what I needed for my run. Instead of focusing on the song and whether it pepped me up or the inevitable commercial breaks on Pandora, I got the soothing rhythm of a book. It's not ideal for shorter runs, but when you know you've got nearly 2 hours of running ahead of you, it was quite helpful.

Also motivating: chalk messages left for other runners. There must have been a 5K or some kind of fun run event at that park on Saturday because there were all sorts of messages of encouragement directed at the runners. When I was struggling to get going and then when I was in that hard final mile, seeing those messages was just what I needed. Whoever did it did not intend it for me, but it was fun pretend someone was cheering me on.

I'm 20 days out. This means 1 more long run - aiming for 11-11.5 miles and then something I've never tried: tapering. The weekend before I'm planning to instead hit the trails and work on a short but challenging hill workout.  I will do some quick research on tapering but right now I think I'm onto the right idea.
20 days seems so far away yet I know its really not.

My time last year was around 2 hr 36 min. This year my goal is 2 hr 30 min. No miracles, but hopefully less walking than occurred last year!

the long run

A strange thing happens when you set out for a long run. Last year as I was training for my first half, I was more focused on worrying that I'd ever be able to finish a long run. This year, I entered training knowing that I can run the distance. I had a rough patch in August and was on the verge of giving up, but the past few weeks, I've reinvigorated my training. It's on these past few runs I've finally truly noticed the phases of a long run. 

What would typically constitute a regular run is now your warm up. Those first two miles feel awkward, but you take it slow. But there is a distinct moment when its no longer awkward. Your pace picks up. Maybe it's because that perfect song came in on the rotation of your playlist. Maybe its because you're just about to pass another runner or a walker (that's all I seem to be able to pass are the walkers). Either way, your focus shifts, your head is held a little higher. Determination is written all over your face. Your warm up is over and now you're in it for the long haul. 

The next several miles after that are a rotation of struggle and ease, but overall, you've found your stride. Your pace levels off as well. These are the glorious miles. This is when I feel the zen of running. I feel the joy as push myself up and down the hills. I become one with my world around me. I still fight off the desire to walk, to stop and give up but each time I fight it, I feel stronger.

But the joy  fades once I exit my "comfort zone". For me, this is around 7 or 8 miles. The voices telling me to stop increase.  I can feel my muscles screaming at me that they're done. They threaten mutiny. Each hill becomes a formidable foe. i'm no longer on the offense. But that is the point of the long run, to push you from your comfort zone. Its not about being able to run those miles quickly, its just about being able to do them. Its about seeing that comfort zone stretch from 3 miles to 6 and then to 8 and eventually 10+. 

Running can teach me more about patience and life than any book. Running is my proof that I'm capable of more than I think. Its a lesson in trusting the process. Running is cheaper than any therapist.  I'm at my best when I pay attention. 

I only have 2 weeks of long runs left. I'm aiming for 10 next weekend and 11.5 the weekend after that. Then I taper in the 2 weeks leading up to the run. 

Where were you?

11 years ago tomorrow.

Over a decade ago, I was in college. A junior fresh back to school for another year. My sorority met at 7a.m. that fall because no other time worked to get our membership together. Otherwise, I didn't have class until late so I begrudgingly dragged myself to this 7a.m. house meeting. It was a gorgeous morning in Ripon. The meeting adjourned somewhere around 8a.m. and my roomie and I arrived back at our dorm room, turned on our tv to get ready for the rest of the day.  We saw the news. We saw the hole from the first plane, debated the size of the plane. I thought it was just a small plane, Liz knew it had to be bigger than I gave credit for. As we sat there, the 2nd plane hit. There was no more debate.

All I remember now is the horror of watching the drama unfold on live TV. I was far away but all I could picture was those towers I saw from Newark airport in June. All I could think is that I was so relieved my first trip ever was in June, or my mom would never have let me go after this.

Then collapse.

But in Wisconsin, life had to keep going. I'm pretty sure I had class to go to. The rest of the details fade away, but I will never forget where I was when it happened.

Where were you?

another fail

was going to do 7 miles yesterday, decided to wait until today. Then proceeded to wait until 10a.m. to go. It was already 80 degrees. Even my shady path couldn't help me make it past 2.7.

I feel like I'm doing everything wrong this time around training and the more I desperately want to get back on track, the more I set myself up for failure. I don't know what happened to me since July and it makes me want to cry in frustration.

Training? What training?

Sigh. August killed my motivation. My promising start in July pittered out as the temps stayed in the 80's. We had a reprieve, but by that point running was not a habit, but a mere chore I kept putting off. The anxiety grew.

But that is over. It is September. I need to stop dwelling. The next couple weeks are going to mean harder runs than I had been used to, but they absolutely need to happen.

Today, despite hot weather. Despite working all morning, I made myself get out there. 2.75 miles with some good hills and even a small hill repeat session. Happy September 1st. I've run 2x this week, which is improvement.

For many, the new year equals renewal, for me, 17 years spent in school, September is ingrained in me as its own new year. The beginning of school. New pencils, books, notebooks, new clothes, bought in August sitting for weeks just waiting for that first day. The agony of the wait to use them. The clothes and supplies sitting there teasing me. The anticipation of what that new school year would bring. The fresh start.  Its still inside me. While I'm no longer in school, September 1st is a chance to refocus. To look at those promises made January 1st, assess what has been accomplished and set out on a mission to achieve those goals lost in the last 8 months.

While I wilted in August, as the crispness takes over the air, I renew my commitment to running the half marathon I signed up for.

I renew commitment to a healthier lifestyle filled with running, better eating habits and yoga.

I renew my plan for a repeat of last year's Fresh Start 5K (I kinda need to start planning this!).

I renew my commitment to myself and getting life back on track.

loop

Insert post about me feeling completely lost here.

Nothing changes. I'm in the same loop.

Half marathon training week 3

Week 1 and 2 were not amazing. Usually this first month is filled with optimism new training plan excitement. This time around, it's been hot and I've been in a war with my lethargy. Stupid stupid lethargy.

Week 1: 1- 3 mile run and my "long run" (previously blogged) of 4.5 miles
(It should have been 2- 3 mile runs, strength/stretching, and a speed workout)

Week 2: 1- 3 mile run, some yoga and a very warm run technically completed during week 3 (Monday)
(it should have been like week 1 and a 6 mile long run on Sunday)

I'm off to a better start this week. If I had not gone out Monday morning and done the 6 miler, I would be far less optimistic. Sometimes that's what these programs come down to: guilt over not doing it vs desire to just be a loaf on the couch. When guilt surpasses desire, running occurs.

Today is recovery. I did a pretty strenuous strength workout last night with the P90X legs/back video.... so many lunges and so many pull ups I can't do..... I wasn't that sore this morning which lulled me into a momentary delusion that all would be fine, but alas, delayed onset muscle soreness has stricken and as the day progressed, my legs are not happy with me. Not as bad as the last time I did the video when I'm pretty sure everything from above my butt and lower was rebelling against me  (this time I did not use weights every time they used them for the lunges). But then again, this is Day 1 post workout. Let's see what day 2 brings my way. Either way the plan is to get out for a 3.5 mile run. Hills? Sprints? You can count on it!

I will say I need to get the bottom of my lethargy problem. Maybe its the heat? I  hope its the heat. Running loses its splendor when it's 80 at 6:30a.m.....

Sometimes you just have to pull up the big girl pants

I stayed up til almost 3a.m. last night. The chances of me getting up for that early morning long run were not good. The chances of continuing to screw up my sleep schedule by sleeping til noon were looking possible.

7a.m. the alarm started going off. I felt hungover from the 4 hrs of sleep. I hit the snooze and turned over. Husband said good-bye to me about 7:40a.m. I still wasn't moving.

8a.m. finally I awake, that extra hour in half asleep land helped, but I turned on the tv for the weather and got sucked into "Center Stage" instead. I tried to bargain with myself - maybe I can go tomorrow morning instead. I checked out the 10 day forecast.... no end in sight for the 90 degree weather. This means that if I keep putting it off because of weather, I will never do it. So 10a.m. was the goal to leave the house. I had decided on where I was going to go to run, a mostly shady path around a lake here in my burb.

So with the temps hitting 85 (at 10a.m.), my water bottle belt, phone and headphones, I went to that lake and started running.  To my dismay, I was not able to do the full 5 miles. But I did manage to hang on for about 4.6. I went faster than I felt I was going. The heat and humidity had me feeling like I was practically walking.


With every step, my mind went back to last year when I wound up laying on a park bench dizzy, almost vomiting and had to decide whether to walk/jog the last mile and half home or call to be picked up. (this is why I'm very gun-shy about running in the heat, you would be too!)


Luckily I did not end up in that situation. The water belt was one of the best things I bought and saved me today for sure. It feels good to have my long run done.  I think tonight I will have no problem falling asleep after my lack of sleep last night. 


Week 2 starts with hopefully a 6:30a.m. Vinyasa 1 class and then a massage at 9a.m (both courtesy of Groupon!).

is my schedule flipping back?

I can't sleep.
I can't wake up in the morning.

I just may be reverting to my old ways now that I'm not getting up for tons of 5am shifts.

Half Marathon training commences

Just over 3 months until the Big Woods Half Marathon. To many people that means I have plenty of time to start, but I know better. My plan requires 3 months, so that means as of Monday, I'm a lean mean, half marathon training machine.

I'm doing the intermediate level of hal higdon's plan. His plans are a bit intense (6 days of training a week) but I'm determined to maximize the training this time and get my speed down. Goal for this next trail half marathon: sub-2hr30min. That means knocking over 6 minutes off my overall time. Less walking would accomplish that. It's a trail run so I think that's do-able. If I were doing a road race, I'd be setting a much more aggressive goal (probably sub 2h20min) but  anyone who runs knows that a trail race is drastically different. I will even potentially be buying some trail running shoes for this event instead of my shiny new mizuno babies.....


Well enough talking, more doing... time to get out for my inagural 3 miles.

Live long, run hard.

more options

http://www.cce.umn.edu/Master-of-Biological-Science/index.html

I registered for an informational session on this program. I may be too far out of the lab to do this, but it would be a great way to get a masters, get my lab skills current and stand a chance of re-entering the lab field.

http://www.nursing.umn.edu/MN/home.html#info

Bachelors to Masters of Nursing (not the same as a MSN -master of science in nursing for advanced practicioners) program geared towards taking a bachelors degree (not in nursing) to nurse. I would have to take a couple classes to strengthen my application. 


And the last option I'm pondering is the 14 month CLS program through the U of M to get me back in the lab.....

Either way I think I better take a couple classes this fall at the community college.... in my brief search, I found a Human physiology class that would fit in with my work schedule.

The only thing that bothers me is that this doesn't fix my current situation. How will I survive the next 3 years?  How do I work on changing my future and change my current life at the same time?
ugh. this makes my head hurt.

And now for some bitter ranting:

Sometimes I feel like Ripon was a big waste of my time. I know it wasn't but I feel like my degree was a complete waste. this is why they are getting 0$ from me and probably will not get any from me ever again. Anything I will accomplish from here on out is despite my education there. It is my own doing.  I look at what skills I should have learned in my science classes there  and realize just how outdated the program was. When your senior seminar professor won't let you use power point for your presentation because she feels its a crutch and everyone should still be able to present via transparencies, you know you're behind the times....

Yes I accept that most aspects of my life turned out pretty awesome. Its just frustrating to be so stalled professionally and looking at starting over.....

progress

I've never really done a before and after shot. I didn't ever think I'd lose weight so I never did a full length official before shot so while looking through old vacation photos and suffering from major wanderlust I decided this is the closest I can get to a before/after analysis of my progress. 

2007 the cookie monster shirt ... in Greece (approx 142-144 lbs) -- for the longest time, these photos are where I felt the "smallest" and best about myself.

Toronto/New York Road Trip 2009 (approx 152-155lbs) - I had just found out I was losing my job. 

I only have a handful of pictures of myself from this trip and most are from the shoulders up 

because I felt that bad about myself. 

Fast Forward 2.5 years, many miles logged and 25 lbs less, the Cookie Monster Shirt reappears in Miami
 Approx. weight: 127-130.

Key West

 And yes... I wore a 2 piece! I may be pale and still a bit soft, but I was brave. And now I'm being brave and posting this photo!

Happy Independence Day

Happy 4th of July!

This is actually a photo I took back in 2010 while I was participating in a photo-a-day project. I was looking back over those photos and this is still one of my favorite photos I took during that project.

If you're lucky enough to have the day off from work (I managed to be double lucky and have the day off of BOTH jobs!) enjoy this midweek break and just think, you only have to survive 2 more days before being rewarded with a weekend (once again, if you're lucky enough to have a M-F job).

chocolate chip cookies

Because I keep forgetting the recipe my mom uses and then end up taking a recipe a trying to merge it with what I remember from my mom's.

This time I think I finally nailed her recipe and my cookies turned out the best they have in a while:

3/4 c sugar
3/4 c packed brown sugar
1 egg
1/3 c butter flavored crisco
1/3 c softened butter
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground flax seed (this is a new addition to her recipe. Trying to sneak in good for you things too!)
2 c flour
Chocolate chips, m&m's... whatever you decide

Oven preheated to 350 degrees

Bake 9 minutes

I had received a silicone baking mat for a gift and had been trying to use that on my air bake cookie sheet. I decided this time it was hindering the cookies from baking properly so I skipped it this time. Perfection!

mm.... cookies

A project

So about a month and a half ago, I got the urge to clean out my drawers. I wound up with a pile of 27 tshirts I do not wear from the many races, volunteer events and sorority bid days I went through in my adult life. These tshirts have moved from college to Minneapolis to Rochester and back to Minneapolis with me. I couldn't part with these due to sentimental value, but I didn't exactly wear them either. Does anyone really need to see me walking around as an advertisement for a blood center or know that I was in Delta Psi as part of the 2002 bid day? No, probably not. Will anyone ever even buy those shirts at a thrift store?? Of course not! Do I want to be that obnoxious person who always wears shirts from the races she's participated in? Oh heck no. So they sat in the drawer, taking up more and more room.... that is until this year. Being done with the clutter, I decided it was high time to turn them into the t-shirt throw I've been wanting to make for ages. I decided to go with a double sided quilt with 9 blocks on each side. I decided to start with the philanthropy/running/blood center tshirts for this quilt. Here is my pile of tshirts:

I did much research online about what I would need in order to turn this pile of tshirts into something resembling a quilt. I found out I should get a fusible fabric interface. A cutting mat and cutting wheel would be helpful too. Not wanting to buy these, I sent out a message to my womens group looking for anyone who had these supplies. For the fusible fabric, I went to the fabric store and just asked for some guidance. That's what the employees are there for and I got a lot of helpful advice from the lady who cut my fabric for me.

I started by separating the front of the t-shirt from the back (see above)  The first side was a lot of trial and error for me to get the right system down for cutting the tshirts and fabric to the right size. Repeatedly, I mis-measured my blocks to be 13" instead of 14"x14". Whoops.

My first block (EEEE!!!):

And the reverse side of the block, fused to the interface. This interface keeps the t-shirt from stretching, rolling and warping like t-shirt/jersey material is prone to do. This stuff would be great if I ever have to hem my dear husband's workout pants again....

The first half took me over 4 hours of cutting, fusing and sewing blocks together. I learned the hard way to sew three rows and then sew those rows together. Lesson learned during the first side was applied to the 2nd side and it went way better! I laid my blocks out to get the optimal color coordination. The cat was soooo helpful......

The finished first side:

Its not perfect by any means, but I think it turned out pretty cool! It took almost a month, but I finally resumed the process for the 2nd side. This is where I figured out the system:

1) cut apart tshirts

2) cut  interface  to about 14" wide x whatever width the interface came in (about 2') x 9

3) fuse interface to backside of t-shirt on all shirts

4) cut all blocks to 14" x 14". The first cut was done with the shirt design side up so I could center it before cutting. This time I only screwed up 1 block by making it only 13" wide

5) layout blocks to get proper ideal order 

6) sew top 3 together, repeat next two rows

7) sew rows together.

The end result of side 2:

And here are side 1 and 2 together:

Because sides 1 and 2 should eventually line up in order to tie them together, I used side 1 as a template to help sew together side 2. 

Next up in the process, I need to buy some batting for between the two layers. Then I will tie them together at each corner. The final step will be binding them together around the outside with fabric. Stay tuned for those steps. I may just have a nice little lap throw just in time for fall!

weekends

ARE AWESOME!

Especially after spending 1.5 years rarely getting them.

Granted, that habit of working 6 days a week is hard to kill. I find myself sitting here asking myself if I should be picking up more work. Sick, huh?  But I know 2 days off in a row is giving me my sanity back.... well... that may be a stretch. My sanity is getting restored to prior levels (what that level is, is up for debate).

I'm still concerned that I'm having issues with waking up in the morning, but something will snap me out of it. I'm not a morning person by nature. My perfect schedule would involve sleep from 12a-9a. Our society, though, thrives on morning people so I'm forever trying to change my natural routine to that of a more "normal" 10p-6a sleep cycle. I do start to feel great when I enter that cycle but in the end, its not natural for me. I think I only feel good because it usually involves lots of running.  I always used to joke that any plan that involved the phrase "why don't i just get up early and.... (fill in the blank)" was bound to fail.

Tomorrow... Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow but for this morning I'll just stay in bed......

Motivation, where are you?

Never a good sign when in the last month I can count on 1 hand how many times I've been running.

Luckily I've been biking more and hit up boot camp in the park a couple times, but otherwise I've been a useless pile. And the longer my stints between runs linger, the harder it is to get out there. Sometimes I even get dressed only bail as I'm putting on my shoes, as I did this morning. I can't seem to get enough sleep.

I'm losing that ability to make myself get up for those early morning runs which are a necessity in the summer.

Maybe I need this little break but it's driving me crazy.

sensory overload

Yesterday started off great with a bike ride and some social time with a friend but it quickly turned moody for me. I think I just got surrounded with too many people and kids in a small space. It was draining to be in a small house with about 20 people and 10 kids (7 of which were under age 3). It probably would have been fine but then we went to our neighbors for a get together and I surrounded myself with about 10-15 different people in not so much space. I was already out of steam and pushed even harder. I was out of talking/social energy  and made it until 12:30 before just needing the comfort of bed. I didn't want to be completely alone though but dear husband didn't get the hints and stayed out til who knows when. So my annoyance from sensory overload, has turned into annoyance at him being exhausted (*hungover??? he won't admit to it) and wasting a beautiful day with him laying on the floor half asleep all day and crabby at me when I try to engage him.  granted, I didn't come up with anything else to do but it feels like it shouldn't always fall on me to come up with things.

As I type this I realize just how annoyed I am. More than I thought I was when I started this entry.

a reminder

After a brutal week of low energy, poor eating habits, a definite lack of running (not helping the low energy), and overall crabbiness, I'm back.

After spending what felt like more hours asleep than awake (I am pretty sure I slept more than 9 hrs/night every night last week starting on Wednesday) it culminated in spending about 14 hrs in bed from Friday-Saturday morning.  It took that much bed-time to make me finally start to feel "normal" again. By the end of the day, my energy was returning.

The problem with taking time off from running is that first day back is intimidating. Even just a week and a half off can easily build into more. In your mind you start building it up. "Ugh that first few minutes will be hard." "Just have to do half an hour, that can wait a little loner, right?" So successfully getting back out there was of utmost importance. So all past failures aside, I forced myself out the door. It was really hard. That first 1/2 mile felt awkward and wrong like something was wrong with my gait. I kept repeating to myself: just a half hour. That's all.... just a single half hour. And to some extent I started punishing myself for taking that time off. When it started feeling better, I picked up the pace. Giving myself the "that'll teach you" mental pep talk. I  pushed myself so hard I did 5K in under 30 minutes. Maybe a little too hard for the heat, but it was an awesome way to start my day. A reminder that each day is a new day. What you did or didn't do the day before doesn't matter, just get out there.

Ideas floating around:

Going back to school:
Bachelors to Nursing degree through the college of St. Scholastica St. Cloud campus (fall 2013 start)
CLS/MLS degree completion through UofMN or St. Cloud State
Nuclear Medical Technologist thru Mayo Health Sciences (Fall 2013 start)

I'm still drawn to health science related fields and just can't wrap my head around going for anything business/accounting related.

What would I do in the meantime?
Tread current water?
Figure out something else I can do part time like freelance work or ???
Get N.A. certification and work in a nursing home to figure out if aforementioned nursing programs are the direction I should go.

More questions than answers. this is just a free thought blog tonight.

when it's no longer worth it

I'm hitting that wall at the coffeeshop. I put in a soft notice. It took all weekend for me to work up the nerve to even do that! What I was leaning toward being a hard 2 week notice, was instead turned into the soft notice. It really was the best option and fortunately its the type of job that doesn't demand me to have an answer right away. So this morning after turning in my schedule from the bank for the next 3 weeks I mentioned that I understand if I can't be on the schedule and when I have a better idea of where my life was going, I'd be able to let him know more.

I just keep coming back to the thought "if I'm so unhappy, why do I keep doing it? There has to be more I can offer the world" Deep down I think i'm scared. I don't like change and its kept me rolling with my current situation for many months longer than it should. So my mission is to refocus. Life is too short to keep up what I'm doing and I will never be able to move forward in life if I don't change something.

Grateful

I've been wanting to write up a post lately but coming up blank on what to write about. Or better yet, I've had so many things I've wanted to write about I haven't been able to write about any of them. Does that even make sense? Maybe only in my warped view of the world. But here it goes:

The other day, a chiropractor visited one of my workplaces and gave a lovely talk on the power of nutrition and of course overall well being. In front of us a body stress survey was placed and everyone filled it out. As I glanced at the questions, I of course selected back pain. Immediately though I put the disclaimer that running and weight loss transformed my life and it's greatly diminished. Then went back and added, "oh yes and yoga and a new mattress." It made me pause and reflect on just how much has changed in 3 years. The changes have been gradual, but in the grand scheme I have undergone an extreme lifestyle change in a fairly short amount of time. My body has thanked me. I have energy I never used to have. I see myself doing things I never thought I would. I've lost weight (of course) and as a result, I no longer get back spasms from the simplest activity. I eat foods I never would have touched and the mantras I follow for my diet are more in line with holistic views. These internal changes are reflected in the way people view me. I'm no longer the girl sitting watching the world pass by stuffing her face with fake foods. I'm no longer running in place on the elliptical at the easiest setting wondering why i'm not getting anywhere. Yoga, running, weight loss and nutrition have not all entered my life at once, but this slow addition of each element has enriched my life in unidentifiable ways.

I may be overworked, broke and stressed about the general direction of my life but I can't imagine what it would be like if I still lived like I did 3 years ago and then added all of the aforementioned stressors. I was tipping the scales at 152 lbs on a 5'1" petite frame. I had resources around me - a city filled with bike trails and fairly clean air (compared to china or los angeles), lakes and tree line paths yet I couldn't even go up the littlest hill on my bike without wanting to die. I couldn't work a full 6 hour shift at the coffeeshop and not be in ungodly pain after. There were days I couldn't even stand up straight by the end of the day. Today after my 16.5 mile bike ride I am truly grateful that I've turned things around. It begins to feel like a broken record when I get going but I want to be that goodwill ambassador, spreading the word. This is my religious message to spread and it has. Many of my friends have joined me on this journey and I've seen the ripple effect.

My message is to start small. Find things you enjoy doing. If you don't enjoy going to the gym, try something else because if you don't enjoy it,  you're not going to stick with it. Not everyone needs to run. I'm stubborn and apparently a bit sadistic (in that I like the torture of pushing myself so hard I want to puke) so it works for me but its not for everyone. Find your happy place and your body and the universe will respond.

The domestically challenged tries homebrewing

Just over 3 months ago my dear husband and I set up our first ever batch of home brewed beer. I had bought the kit for him in 2007 and we finally got around to doing it after a trip to the supplier to get some fresher parts (new hops, new extract). We put together an octoberfest lager which required 3 months of sitting at 50 degrees. Today that long wait comes to a fruition... sort of. Today was bottling day:

We added the sugar water (prepped according to directions) and bottled just over 51 bottles of beer. And... now we wait again as the sugar breaks down and produces carbonation in those bottles. We shall see it in 2-4 weeks. I've already declared this to be B&E's Anniversary Octoberfest batch as 4 weeks puts it pretty much on our 1st wedding anniversary. What a wonderful way to celebrate, huh?

training... what training?

What happened to me??? March = awesome. April = crash and burn. May = nonexistent running. This whole 10 mile thing will go so much better if I can find the motivation to ACTUALLY run.

In the meantime, enjoy some photos of my pretty flowers soaked from the rain the night before:

 And here's a couple from a few days ago:

domestic failure

I got home 2 hours ago. I've had the entire house to myself. Yet all I've managed to do is watch TV and put away the dishes in the dishwasher. My oodles of laundry awaiting folding... still sitting there as they have been for 4 days. Its moments like that I wonder how my husband can stand to live with me....

Hi my name is Erin and I would fail as a 1950's housewife.

Relief is in sight!

After 2 or so long years, my dear husband has finally found gainful employment! Things are definitely looking a lot rosier than they were about a month ago. It is a relief and marks the near end of a scary few weeks where I knew I would be the only income.

Other changes both good and bad: my hours are returning to normal levels at the bank (about 27 per week). This is something I have mixed feelings about because it further cements my dependence on my second job. The hidden ray of sunshine is I changed my availability at said 2nd job to no longer include weekends. It'll involve many long days during the week but in the end it'll give me 2 solid days off per week. We'll see how that goes....

On the running front:

I've incorporated 1 day per week of boot camp training. This is dedicated strength training time. I'm determined to get to the point I can do real push ups and not have to wimp out part of the way through and go to my knees.  I feel stronger after going and I'm looking forward to seeing some positive changes as I reinvigorate my effort to lose those last 15 lbs. I have the scale headed in the right direction -- down 2.2 since starting boot camp.

I'm less than a month away from the 10 miler and 5 weeks away from my self imposed half marathon. I am not training nearly hard enough but I figure if I get out the next 3 weeks for the following: 6.5 m, 7.5 m, 8.5 m then 10 mile race and finally 13.1, I should do survive. :) What is it about me and my lack of training diligence after I prove I can make it a certain distance????? Will I be stepping up to that marathon level at this rate? I'm already thinking I should aim for a 15 miler! Also, why do I seem so fast and strong in March but weak and slow in April? What is is about this dang month that kills my motivation and my speed?

On the yoga front:

Meh... my inner yogi has been screaming out for stretching, but I just haven't been doing it. Why is it so hard to get the trifecta (run, stretch, strength) ?????

when the student becomes the teacher....

I've been running for 3 years. In that 3 years I've seen myself go from couch to 5K back to the couch, from the couch to 10K and then onward to half marathon. In 3 years, 20 lbs have been lost. In this 3 years, I've seen friends get turned on to running and have loved sharing the experience with them.

Somewhere along the line, I became bona-fide crazy runner. Somewhere between that 10K, the 5 miler in the snowstorm, the New Years Day runs, and the half marathon, I became a resource on the last subject I ever expected to be a resource.

And now, in a new venture, I'm putting this vast container of knowledge to use! For the next few weeks, I will be serving as a mentor 1x a week. This week I got to lead the newbies on the first day of the couch to 5K program. It was so amazing to see this diverse group get out and run. It was empowering to see women who had no intention of even running the 1 minute intervals in the program actually run those intervals. I was thrilled when I asked who wanted 1 more minute round and everyone was up for it! As we ended that last run interval, I asked, "who feels like they just did a 21 minute workout?" They were truly shocked how those little intervals added up.

Not only was I the time keeper, perky carrot in the front, I was also getting asked many questions and giving some advice on shoes, and running in general. It felt so good to share my passion.

While for me, it wasn't too hard of workout, I was transported back to when I couldn't even do that 1/2 mile. When 1 minute left me gasping for air. When the mere idea of ever running 3.1 miles seemed like an impossible dream. I'm looking forward to seeing these women grow in their journey to 5K whether they walk it or run it!

Heavy

Still lost. Only now I'm carrying even more heaviness. Knowing my dear husband's unemployment was running out was a time bomb in the back of my head. Now that day is here. Commence panic. Gut knotting, make me want to curl up in a ball and block out the world panic. As much as I tried to prepare myself mentally for this day, deep down I believed things would work out. I can feel that sense of ease I was starting to feel, that sense that I was finally going to catch up and turn things around eroding.

Commence every mixed over-analyzing emotion I can feel. Commence anger. Commence resentment.

Things just got real heavy around here. 

lost

I just feel lost.

Things need to change but I'm at a loss as to how to make that change.

When I try to search, I get more defeated and all of the usual excuses boil to the surface. Excuses tinged with bitterness and feelings of defeat and failure. When those closest to me try to help and give me ideas, I get defensive and more frustrated. And then multiply that by 2 because not only do I have to try to rationalize and figure out my own situation I have to do this about my dear husband too. We're both lost. We saw our incomes fall by over 50% each in 6 months time and have been "living" on that for 2 years now. I see things I'm possibly qualified for yet after

 That's no small adjustment. Thats dreams deferred. That's 2 years of me trying to be a cheerleader only for things to not change for the the better economically. It's 2 years of treading water knowing that one unexpected large bill will set me back for 6 months and as soon as I dig out another one will pop up. It's 2 years of watching those around me go through their own struggles and emerge from them asking myself, "when is it our turn?"

It's a cycle of saying "i'm sick of deferring life and then facing the financial repercussions for months on end. It's days of feeling fine followed by days of not. Days of contentment about what I'm doing because I know despite odds I'm making it work, then a crash or financial stress.

I'm not kidding when I say the only time I feel successful is after a good run.

So here I am... lost. I'm sure this feeling will pass quickly and I'll be back to myself... whoever that is now-a-days

A quick meditation on running

As I was driving home tonight from work, this thought popped in my head :

"When I run, I'm a different person. During a run, I feel powerful and controlled where in life I feel powerless and out of control. I feel a success after every run that is normally absent. The only real failure with running, is not doing it."

Training plan

3 races coming up

A 4 miler in 2 weeks
A 7 miler the week after
A 10 miler on May 27th

and an unofficial half marathon in June (still need to set the date depending on work schedule).

Before, I probably would have searched the internet for a runner designed training plan and probably settled on one of Hal Higgdon's plans, especially a beginner one. His training programs depend on 6 days a week of activity and while they work really well in the beginning for me, I quickly develop training fatigue and start to burn out somewhere around week 4. Work-outs get skipped, I feel bad, thus killing my motivation, I fall further behind. I'm left on race day happy with my results and wondering if I could have done better. This time will be different. I've followed plans and read enough that I'm designing my own plan. It'll be 5 workouts a week with 2-3 rest days. Some weeks will require 3 rest days depending on just how my work schedule plays out. This training will occur while I'm working 2 jobs (48-53 hrs/week total), actively volunteering with my women's group and trying to maintain some sort of household. I discovered last year that the other problem with the 6 day a week training plan was the inability to accommodate it into an already full schedule.

Its not a fleshed out plan yet in that I have days assigned but an ideal week will have 2 normal run days (starting at 3 miles and working their way up to 4-5milers with one day dedicated to speed intervals), 1 biking day, 1 long run day (starting at 3.5 miles and increasing by 1 mile each week). 1 day will be a toss up -- strength and flexibility focus if low energy, another run or bike session if motivated and nice out.

Most of the plans I've followed have involved dedicating 1 day to strength and flexibility. My twist is to incorporate my yoga practice 2-5 times a week whether that be through official 1 hour sessions at the studio or 20 minute at home videos to just getting up from watching tv and practicing my poses. 

template for this week:
Monday: Day 1 wound up being a rest day. -- unofficial stretching session
Tuesday: 3.1 mile speed workout
Wednesday: toss up exercise: yoga video
Thursday: 3 mile run
Friday: rest
Saturday: long run 3.5 miles
Sunday: yoga? -- strength training -- bike? undecided.or even another rest day.

Helloooo spring!

So today was 60 degrees. 2 days ago the morning temperature was 8. Gotta love MN! Spring in MN = 2 glorious weeks before the summer humidity sets in. Before that we sit in limbo in this weird spring-winter combination where the temperature fluctuates widly, snow falls one day, tshirts adorn the masses the next.

Today I took advantage of the glorious weather.  A sunny 40 degrees greeted me at 10:30 as I set out for my run. The changing season also means many recalibration runs as I re-acclimate to running in temperatures above freezing and that dreaded experience known as running in heat! I overdressed for this run hands down. I found myself longing to lose my underlayer but decided against trying to remove it whilst keeping on my tshirt and juggling a phone and headphones. Overdressing though, did not kill my motivation. My feet loved their new home in the Mizunos and my body responded allowing me to channel a pretty decent speed workout. I'm seriously trying to incorporate speed wokouts. They're not fun but instead of all-out sprinting right now I just focus on picking up the pace for a certain amount of time and then let myself recover. I think I probably eeked out 6-8 intervals in that fashion over my 3.1 miles logged this morning.

apparently that's exactly what a fartlek is. just the name makes me giggle because I have the maturity of a 12 year old. It always sounded like a more structured thing and I never bothered to really learn what it is. I happened to read an article describing what a fartlek is and apparently, I've been doing it all along! I'm encouraged by my experience last year to keep it up.

While training day 1 was an epic failure -- no running, just some light stretching, I made up for it today. I did 3.1 miles in a personal record time of 29:42. That's right, my first sub-30 minute 5K!!! I now relax on the couch relishing from this amazing run. Tomorrow morning will be a yoga day as I decided against yoga tonight.  My muscles will rejoice after the work I put them through today.

hey i put my new shoes on....

and suddenly i think i will be fine....

If you don't recognize it, its from a song by Pablo Nutini aptly titled "new shoes" and it fits the mood of this post which is about new running shoes and new goals. Above is my brand new mizunos waiting for me to pound the pavement.

As winter ebbs into spring, even with snow on the ground, I feel a sense of renewal creeping into my thoughts. I did a trial run with my new shoes and it was wonderful. I did 2.4 quick miles with sprints and to my delight, my feet did not hurt after. The only complaint I could lodge is some numbness in my right foot. Thick socks and too tight laces were probably to blame for that one. Alas, since then these shoes have not pounded any more pavement. Its been hard to overcome my impulse to sleep and hibernate/wallow in my own self pity on the couch. The true test will come in the upcoming weeks as I embark on that spring renewal -- a new training plan! Just what a inherently lazy girl turned runner needs to get her up off the couch and moving.

A solo training plan that will take me back up to 10 miles and an unofficial half marathon. I know I can do this distance. Now I want to see what strides I can make with training diligence, strength and speed.

the end of an era

My faithful Nikes after approximately 560 miles

In 2010, I decided to challenge myself. I had done 3 5k's, 2 of which I hadn't even mustered up the energy to train for. So, naturally, I set my sights higher... 10K. To do so, I bought myself a new pair of running shoes and started tracking my running to see what progress what made. These Nikes were my splurge. $90 on my meager underemployed income was a big splurge indeed. Especially on a challenge I was not certain I'd even succeed in.

Fast forward 1.5 years later and those shoes saw about 560 miles of roads, trails, mud, snow, ice, rain. These shoes saw me finish that 10K, do several more 5K's, a 7K, a 7 miler, another 10K and ultimately a half marathon. These shoes are what took me from wannabe to runner until I had to face reality that my shoes were breaking down. My feet were starting to hurt after long runs. I had to face the facts that these shoes would not survive my next half marathon training rotation, or if they did, I stood a big risk of injuring myself.

So, goodbye dear Nikes. You're officially retired from running. Your new status is that of the recreational shoe. 

stay tuned for:  the shoes that will carry me onward

new obsessions

Yoga has re-entered my life.

All of my running with out a good stretching base has left my already tight body, even tighter. Just 4 official sessions and some at home practice and I can tell a difference. I can tell when I haven't gone for a while. I can feel some poses getting slightly easier. Bending becomes easier. My body, while still tighter than most people is making minor improvements.

I look forward to continuing my journey....

I've decided this really is the year I will focus on flexibility and strength training. Rumor has it the gym I'm doing yoga at will be having a personal training groupon. I may just have to partake.

Other obsession: pinterest. This little social network/online clipboard is highly addictive. It allows you to pin anything you're interested in, see what your friends are finding and what other people are pinning too. Its a great place for me to finally collect those crafty little ideas, those smart home ideas instead of book marking them in a folder never to be opened again.Recipes, decor... this website is designed for my generation.

Running is still ongoing. I've decided to set a date for a half marathon and start training for it. I won't necessarily do an official one, but I will run one this spring....

Believe

If YOU don't believe in yourself how can you expect anyone else to?

So much power in that one statement. I saw this on my twitter feed today and it definitely made me pause. I had just been reading professional updates of acquaintances and feeling down on myself for where I'm at in life compared. I was sinking into my own little mental pity party and then I saw that quote. It's like it was meant to be there for me to read.

I need to stop feeling bad. I, too, would be  midlevel in my career, but I've been thrown a curve ball. I had to start over at 29. Its hard not to be impatient. Its hard not to get down on myself, but hating myself isn't going to help me move forward. Being angry about the things that have happened, isn't going to help me excel at my new path. So I've managed to avoid this pity party. Someday, I'll get to be midlevel. Of course, everyone else will be upper level so I'll probably still feel behind and unsuccessful... but I'm going to try to believe in myself more. no one can do that for me.

food tracking

It's proven if you food journal and accurately track your food (meaning full disclosure, no lying about that handful of m&m's you ate), you will lose weight. So I'm back on the tracking bandwagon.It's not that I'm not happy with my weight. I'm actually content where I am, but I'm at the upper end of "healthy" weight so I'd like to see if it would be possible to knock off a few more. I've been able to up my activity and hopefully combining that with this tracking, that just may happen.

Let me just say... tracking is hard. Its hard to be honest. This isn't homework so the only person you cheat is yourself by lying.  Its hard to scrutinize every bite I take, but I'm on this journey, one I hope produces some good results. The site I use recommends 1200-1550 calories per day. 1200? That is just not realistic, but the upper end is definitely do-able with willpower. We'll see how this goes again...

goals -- Running

I was participating in a runner chat tonight via twitter and one of the questions regarded 2012 goals. On the fly I came up with less races, but more pleasure running. More strength training and sprints. It got me further thinking about what my goals actually are for 2012 so here it goes:

1) run 400 miles this year. I did 200 in 2010; 330 in 2011. I think 400 is a respectable increase.

2) Seriously, less races. I did 6 or 7 and almost signed up for countless others. Races are expensive. It's a great way to have something to work towards and also donate money to charity, but when it costs 30-60$ for the average race and I make paupers wages, its not sustainable. It also creates its own fatigue of constantly planning for a race. In the beginning I needed a race to make me run. I no longer need that. So 2012 is the year of the fun run. I have some races that I get for free as a member of the MDRA, but I will refrain from too many extraneous expensive races.

3) Strength training.... the bain of my existence. I don't enjoy it. I always feel like a dope doing the exercises, even though I know more than I give myself credit for and worst of all I avoid pushing myself too hard so that I don't wind up sore and unable to run. But I've plateaued for speed and body changes. The only way to change is to do something different so I will be bonding with those weights this year more often.

4) Sprints.... the other dirty word. Nothing makes me feel more like an idiot than doing sprints on my own on the road. I'm rarely self conscious about how I look running, except when I'm doing sprints. In my head every passerby is giggling at me 'trying to run fast'.  but last time Amber and I incorporated them we saw drastic improvement in our overall speed so this year will also see those sprints making an appearance.

5) If I'm able to do so, I will do another half marathon.

So there it is. There will also be more yoga and flexibility work, but the other 5 are the big ones. May this year be another wonderful year of pounding the pavement, erasing failure one step at a time.

My next post will be on non-running goals, but I need some time to let those marinate....

Sometimes we surprise ourselves...

You never truly know just what you're capable until you just shut up and do it.

This whole weekend I've been putting off a run. I slept in on Saturday and then again today. I laid on the couch watching the day pass away along with my motivation to get out there. The daylight was fading. Even though I'd been dressed for this run since noon. I wasn't moving. Finally at just before 4, I made a decision. I had to run. I couldn't waste this day. I couldn't start out my week without a run. Every week that I miss that opportunity, its suddenly Thursday and I have yet to make it out there. But the last 3 weeks, I've gone out for that weekend run and it has made all the difference. This starts week #4 of working out 3x or more and I feel better than I have in a while. I'm also tracking my calories religiously hoping to get back on track.

I set out with the low expectations of a 3 mile run. I powered up the hills near my house and hit 5K in a record 31:03! After that I could have stopped and just gone home but the little voice in the back of my head said, "You should see if you can PR in a 10K" so I trudged on powerfully. As I approached 5 miles, I almost stopped. Daylight was waning quickly but deep down, I needed to hit 10K. I needed to prove to myself that I could still do that distance. And... that I could do it quickly. So that's what I did. I made little loops around the neighborhood and crossed my invisible finish line of 10K at 1h 3min!

For reference, my first 10 ever was 1:9:58 and I'd struggled to even get close to that time since.

So I sit on my couch now, writing. I'm exhilarated at what I just did and encouraged.....

Hello 2012. Hello house projects!

When we get bored.... walls come down. When we get bored, things get painted.

B is currently downstairs starting the rearrangement of our basement. 1st step was to take out the wall between the laundry and bathroom. Then out came the shower. Now in its place he's building a nice platform for our washer and dryer. They'll finally be side by side and 2 feet off the ground when this is done!

Eventually, much more work will occur in the basement. Right now, I just want my laundry and dryer back....

I am of no use in the basement so I am channeling my energy into painting the beams in the dining room. Hopefully in a week or so I can have all of the beams done..

New Year, Fresh Start 5k

To ring in 2011, I ran the Polar Dash 5K and it was a truly amazing experience, one I hoped to repeat for 2012. I waited anxiously for that registration to open and when it did, I was crushed to find out the prices had jumped to an unreasonable (for a 5K) $45. I found myself thinking: It's just a 5K. I can do that for free any day. I often do that for free in cold weather. What incentive is there to sign up for this this year and spend that much money? 

So my running buddy and I decided that we would much rather do our own unofficial 5K closer to home and just collect a free will donation among friends for a charity. We even named our little unofficial 5K, the Fresh Start 5K. Capturing upon the optimism of a new year. We made little goodie bags for up to 10 participants and joked that the weather was unseasonably warm in MN and we may end up in t-shirts. 

Well, dear Mother Nature in MN, decided otherwise. December 31st a storm went through and dropped snow (which first melted and formed a nice icy underlayer) and gave us 20mph winds with 30+mph gusts. While the temps were about 20 degrees warmer than the prior year, this race would still prove to give us a weather challenge. 

But 7 of us showed up and we had an amazing little 5K run. We trudged over ice, and snow and pushed against wind gusts, but in the end, we all won. We won our proverbial winter running bad ass points. We won a healthy kick off to 2012. And for Amber and I, I think we found ourselves a new focus: plan an actual race for Jan 1st, 2013. 

Details; I finished in 33:10. Not a PR like the Polar Dash time of (31:23) but I'm content and I kick off a 2 full year of serious running and 3rd year overall....