Thank you

Thank you my friends for following/participating in my journey.

I went from couch to 5K, then back to the couch. Then I literally went from the couch and did 2 5k's (no training involved). Needing the challenge, I went from barely able to complete a 5K to loving 3-4 miles as a distance and completing both a 10K AND a 5 miler. And I'll bring 2010- aka: the year I discovered I loved to run-- to a close with 200 miles logged running this year! I'll also start 2011 with a 5K. It'll be cold, but that's what happens with a race on January 1st in the upper midwest!

Looking back, I am left with a sense of accomplishment. Not a feeling I'm used to having, that's for sure. Usually the end of the year leaves me feeling like I didn't do what I set out to do. This year, I did what I set out to do and more -- as I wasn't cognizant of the desire to do a 10K until after the 2nd 5K in June. That feeling along with the friends I've made and the physical changes in myself leave me hopeful for 2011.

*I will say that even though I started the 10K journey alone, I found great friends like Sue Ellen and Amber to run with. Without Amber, I seriously question if I'd have it in me to do what has been an amazing amount of fall-winter running. I have no doubts that together she and I will motivate one another to do that half marathon next year.

The new year also has me excited to enter married life, although one could argue I'm pretty much married, just don't have the fancy paperwork and title. I've been feeling a little out of sync with my fiance lately, which I almost entirely blame on the financial stress of my life. Nothing kills the libido like stress...  So with a 2nd part time job starting up I'm looking forward to getting us back. It'll involve less time but the 25 hours I'll work there will pay what I make in 35 at the coffee shop.  I'm looking forward to hopefully enjoying life a little more again instead of feeling a dark cloud hanging around almost all the time.

Most of all, I'm looking forward to erasing failure one step at a time on the trails. Feeling the crisp air against my skin and the power of my body to provide its own warmth as I trudge on ice and snow. I never thought I'd enjoy running outside, let alone running outside on a 12 degree day. It's on those days though, when I realize how much I've missed out on all those years I hibernated from October to March. Those days that make me grateful for fleece and comfy running shoes, for air in my lungs and the ability to do it. They make me thankful to live in an area with clean air, trails and the safety to enjoy them.

Despite completely losing my way career-wise, I'm in the best shape of my life and wouldn't trade who I was then for who I am now.

 2011 will be a good year. I can feel it.

Good things

Today was a good day.

I was working on the espresso bar today and a customer came over. I got that little pit in my stomach that he was going to complain about his drink but he said, "I just wanted to tell you you're very pretty".

I get very awkward about compliments because I don't know how to take them very well, but it still made me smile and feel good about myself today.

Also, today, I stepped on my scale at 3:30 in the afternoon and it said 131.4!!!! OMG!

And the other good thing of today: I get to see "The Fighter" for free! I'm hoping for lots of gratuitous  "Mark Wahlberg without a shirt scenes".... eee...

engagement photos!

I got the CD with my engagement photos! SQUEEL!!!!!

Picture from the Diva Dash

I stumbled upon pictures taken at the snowstorm Diva Dash on November 13th. Amber and I wound up in a picture,... sort of.

I'm the blue blob on the left, behind the crazy skinny girl running it in SHORTS! Amber is the person in pink that is half in the picture.

Pictures!

Select pictures from the 10K. Thanks to my friend Toni for taking them!

Am I qualified to do anything?

I'm starting to wonder.

Apparently I rock at my current job. But despite everyone's reassurances, taking that initiative and getting a job to stay busy sure hasn't helped me get any more attention or interviews or anything remotely resembling a real job. And well, $9/hour doesn't even cover my minimum contribution to our acct so I'm actually losing money. So yeah, that's my grey cloud.

I'm very frustrated and stressed. I was not even selected for an interview to go back into my old field. The one job prospect that was showing promise has hit a brick wall with HR and the lady's inability to call me back. New job openings are few and far between for anything I feel I'd be qualified for.

All in all I'm feeling like 2 people: happy, bride to be, runner, volunteer vs. moping, underemployed, broke.

Oh yeah, and my mole was abnormal and will need to be further excised.

Icing on the cake, peeps, icing on the m-fing cake.

Haven't been feeling very thankful

My car died.

Nothing like getting done with work on a cold Friday November night only to be greeted with a dead car. Even more fun, having to sit in said cold car waiting to be picked up. So now my car sits.

I'm trying to put a silver lining on this but I really can't. I really was just starting to feel like maybe I was going to do ok. Now, I'm moping.

Daily Thanks Day 2 and 3:

Day 2: I am thankful for running. It's given me an outlet, brought me closer to people I wouldn't have had the chance to get to know. It's also helped me drop some unnecessary pounds and start the scale moving in the right direction. The release in endorphins has also helped my mood and energy.

Day 3: I am thankful for the Women of Today. It gives me endless amounts of things to do and fills in a gap that I was missing since my days of a sorority girl at college. And for the most part, less drama than the sorority. :)

The Diva Dash, a smattering of other stuff

So last saturday, the Twin Cities experienced a snow storm. Most people used this as a reason to curl up on the couch with a good book. Me, I decided to get up way to early, drive over an hour, run 5 miles, stand around for an hour freezing my butt off and then drive home.

Crazy? pretty much.

The good news: I did the race in just over 53 minutes! Official time: 53:14! Pretty awesome and the fastest I've ever run 5 miles! I'd imagine the weather had something to do with it.

The bad: It was pretty miserable. All the snow and slush filled my shoes with water. The snow was blowing horizontally at times and I would have to pull my hat down over the side of the face getting plastered with the icy blast. My running buddy Amber had this wonderfully zen moment during the run, I had no such zen moments. It was an incredible mental challenge but at least I didn't cave to the voices telling me to walk or to quit!

The risks of signing up for a race in November. I will definitely be investing in some neoprene socks if this winter running will continue!

In other news, I finally put my insurance to good use and went to the dermatologist! Of course I was chided for not keeping up with my check ups but really, what can you do when you don't have insurance? Everything looked ok, I found out the area outside my scar that looked like pigment was actually just really clogged pores/blackheads that weren't going away. That was a huge relief! I did wind up getting another mole removed/biopsied. It was really close to the excision site of the melanoma mole that she wanted to be careful. So as of now, I have another hole in my chest but it'll only become a small scar as it didn't require stitches. It's just occasionally itchy and sore. A nuisance more than anything, but for piece of mind, worth it! I'll find out results in 1-2 weeks.

Current weight: 135.6!!! at least according to my home scale. It's said 133 a couple times but I think those were flukes having to do more with dehydration/ time of day than anything. But I'm still moving in the right direction!

Engagement photos: CHECK!

We got our engagement photos done on Sunday!!!! I got a sneak preview of 20 of the images via FB on Monday and I'll admit it, I keep looking at them! I can't wait to see how they turned out!!!!!

It was a chilly, snowy day, but we trekked around Minneapolis starting at Target Field and winding up at the Hennepin Ave Bridge and the river with a quick stop for coffee and some indoor photos at Dunn Brothers. The snow falling led to some pretty cool shots, so even though I was extremely cold, I'm all for suffering for art's sake.

I was a little worried about the profile shots because of my flabby chin (maybe she photoshopped that out? or I've lost enough weight it's going away?) but they all look good so far. :-D

In other wedding related news: I think in the next week my bridesmaids will be ordering their dresses. So on tap to complete next:

• Officiant
• Cake Tasting
• transportation

Today I am Thankful for

Well everybody, Thanksgiving is quickly approaching. I kind of abandoned by self designed blogging project but am returning to one from last year: My daily thanks. It really helped me change the tone of my blog last year so again, until Thanksgiving I will be trying to do a quick daily thanks post:

Day 1: Today I am Thankful for coffee. It provides me caffeine, warmth and for the last 11.5 months, a job.

New 'do

Most people go once every couple months and get their hair done. Me, I go 1-2x a year, but I go all out with color and cut, etc. In between, I do maintenance dye jobs at home and sprinkle it with a cheap trim ups.

It had been well over a year since I'd last given my hair the proper treatment. My impending engagement photo session coupled with realizing that my hair was getting too long to control sent me into my future sister in-law for the works.

Before: (forgive the halloween costume)

After:

She took off about 3" and it's still this long! The color doesn't look too drastically different than my current, but it evens it out and made it a little richer...

I'm a success story, right?

Maybe in the eyes of the government because I'm no longer taking unemployment. I'm one of those people who returned to work full time!!!... oh wait. I only make $9.00/hour. My salary is less than half of what it used to be. Not exactly a resounding success but I suppose as a statistic I am.

Why do I even get my hopes up anymore...

Another crushing defeat. Each time I get less excited for an interview because I know the ensuing rejection will hurt that much more. It gets harder to sell myself because I don't want to get my hopes up. self fulfilling prophecy.... FML.

Ugh.

Because that'll help the country....

So one of the first headlines I read this morning "Sen McConnell to Pres Obama: Top Goal is to Make You a 1-term President".

My gut reaction is to be sick to my stomach. The article then goes on to say that republican's goal is to repeatedly introduce measures to repeal the groundbreaking health care reform (gee... wonder who financed their campaigns????) and if all else fails block funding for it if they can't get rid of it.

I don't know as much as I should about the healthcare bill but I can't help but feel sick that the public elected a party that wants to take away something that was going to pave the way for everyone being insured?!?!? Who are these people that felt our health care system was working? The very people who listened to the fear mongerers (SP???)  are the people who were probably going to benefit the most. But if it does get repealed or blocked in anyway, well those morons just shot themselves in the foot. Then they'll be the ones whining about not being covered. *rolls eyes*

My other reaction:

What good does focusing all the anger on him do? What does it do to solve our issues as a country???? The reason Democrats got elected in '08 had part to do with anger and backlash, but also hope. We were angry at the man in charge which certainly fueled those vying for office, but that anger was used to actually get stuff done. To be using the anger at things not miraculously getting better in 2 years (Imagine that, it took 8 years to fuck up the country but we expect it to change overnight??? ) as a means to punish the man in charge for not achieving the impossible is going to get us nowhere. Worse, I fear, it'll actually prevent us from recovering that much quicker. It may even set us back. And that isn't good for anyone.

Tis a sad day. a sad day indeed...

A good man in just lost his job today in WI if projections are correct. This makes me sick.

I get it. People are angry. I'm angry too. Vote out the incumbent mentality was widespread. The problem I have with that mentality is when it takes out a man who has worked on progressiveness. he's (sorry for the oncoming cliche) "worked across the aisle" and not been afraid to go against his own party, but no. WI is angry so let's boot him out for a man that has no desire to do that....

I'll close with a quote from a friend :

For the record, I dont claim to be a Democrat or a Republican but ok, elect a democratic president and then put republicans in the senate and the house come on people!! anyone that complains to me about Obama not doing anything in his presidency now I'm gonna smack them upside the head with the thickest government and law textbook that I can find!! 

Here's an analogy for you:

I fear I'm beginning to sound like the 40 yr old persistently single lady living with 8 cats. All she desperately wants is what she can't seem to find and as time goes by, she gets more desperate. The desperation comes through in everything she says and does and can no longer hide it. Even when she's telling people that things are fine, it's being said with a increasingly crumbling facade. A thin, wavering smile just on the cusp of turning to despair....

One might infer from my description that I am talking about being single, but my friends you know that is not true. I'm talking about a job. I feel like I need to go into an interview with a glittery cap and tap dancing shoes screaming, "look at me! Look at me!!!! I've been here all along. Look, tell me how high to jump, I'm short but I'll jump as high as you want... no really!?!?  I will."

That optimism about "maybe it'll be the next one" or the one after that... is cracking

The knot is back...

That ever present knot is back in full force. The knot this time is filled with gut wrenching panic as I enter the land of no safety net. I'll now be navigating the world of trying to live solely on $9.00/hour.

I'm freaking out.

REALLY????

This is the person gaining national attention for politics???

Ok, I've tried to avoid the political mess at pretty much all costs, but REALLY? Normally this person would be laughed out of even being in contention. She honestly believes prayer is why she pulled ahead??? God is why she's running for office? WTF????  What in the hell happened to this country???

Then you have the whole mess in WI where Feingold, an all around good guy/voice of reason/sane political figure fighting to save his seat from going to Johnson -- a guy who doesn't even know anything except the GOP rhetoric he spouts off.

And don't even get me started on the big ball o'crazy that is Michelle Bachman.....

I know the country is a mess right now, but I think the last thing we need in office are people who are letting god make their decisions and folksy people who have no actual idea how things work. We need level headed people who can look beyond the man sitting in the executive office. People who can look beyond the party they've arbitrarily attached to their name. People who can come up with rational ways to get things under control. Then again, it's really easy to focus on one person when there's a whole bunch of crazy propping up those zealots....

*sigh.

Wow! That was fast!

I'm not talking about running, although with a title like that I almost could be....

I'm actually talking about something job application related. WHOA SHOCKER!! Right?

I kid you not, I finished my application online for a job less than 20 minutes ago and I already had a call for a phone interview!!!!

Day 8: Best Gift I received

In honor of my anniversary -- which is tomorrow!!!! I'm choosing my bling as my best gift. Tomorrow is 1 year since I received this wonderful bling and 5 years since I first went on a date with the man that would eventually buy a house with me, travel with me and give me this beautiful ring.

 And he gave that bling to me, despite the fact I do things like this:

(I had to lighten up the sappiness of this entry with a goofy pic)

Day 7: Favorite Books-- Non Fiction

Keep in mind, I'm kind of a dork. So I actually have favorite non-fiction books.

1) Books related to microbiology and history like:

• Man and Microbes - the co-evolution of humans and the microbes that plague/help us.

• The Ghost Map - it's about the founding of the study of epidemiology during a horrendous cholera outbreak in London during the 1850's.

• Level 4: Virus Hunters of the CDC -- all about the disease investigators who work in places like Africa identifying ebola, and other emerging infectious agents

2) Books related to nutrition and our food system

• Fast Food Nation

• What to Eat

• Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

Day 6: Favorite book: Fiction

I'd say my favorite fictional book is actually a series. I've been reading the books since 8th grade, but in the past couple years have fallen a bit behind.

I love the Kay Scarpetta novels by Patricia Cornwell. But only the Kay Scarpetta series. She has attempted to start up at least one other mystery series and I just have never really grown any attachment to them.

It all started when I picked this book up in 8th grade:


The series tends to be quite gory, but I love it! This is all before CSI came out and the general populations interest in forensic science increased. At one point I really wanted to be a forensic pathologist because of these books! I'm sure if I had had the aptitude to make it to medical school, I'd still be on that path.

I've tried to pick up various other murder mystery series, but none have quite captured my imagination like this series.

COOL!

I found the solution to watching the game on TBS and dealing with those stupid announcers and their overly obvious man-crush on Derek Jeter: ESPN game cast. I have the window open, not have to listen to commentary but get a play by play of what's going on. And I can still be watching other TV. the only downside is that whole not watching it thing and not getting to see those plays actually happening. But it'll do for a game I'm only interested in because I want the Yankees to lose!

The funny thing is that dear fiance is currently playing video games, not paying attention to the game at all. I'm the one paying attention!

Crossing that off the list

One thing thats been lingering on my list for many months now is to just call my insurance provider and figure out who I can see for dermatology and my other annual check ups, the protocol for seeing a specialist and where I'm covered. Many of this info was available on their website, but the protocol for going directly to a specialist was surprisingly absent from my literature. So today, I finally called.

In less than 2 hours I have managed to:

Schedule my first dermatology appointment since I left the U (May 2009).
Schedule my first physical since Feb 2009
Fill out my pre-appointment forms for my physical.-- online!!

My appointments will be happening in November which is a relief as I'd like to just get them out of the way. I was very relieved to be able to get into a dermatologist by mid November. When I was at the U, they usually were scheduling 3 months out!

Getting this taken care of is a HUGE weight off my shoulders! I have coloration at the very edge of my melanoma excision that has been nagging since even before that derm appointment at the U. I wasn't a very big fan of that doctor and am quite relieved to be giving someone else a shot! That guy was kind of rude and and completely dismissed my concerns about the pigmentation. Since then the pigmentation has grown which bugs me so hopefully I can get that addressed!

What is my dream job?

I've held many ideas what my dream job may be ranging from forensic pathologist to travel writer/photographer to disease investigator for the CDC.

Right now, my dream job isn't necessarily a specific field its more of a concept:

I don't worry so much about exact job anymore but things I want out of it:

1. flexible schedule -- or capability to have one
1. If I could telecommute, even better!
2. ability to keep leaning and growing
3.  No weekends
4. feeling of being in control of my own work
5. respect from my boss -- feeling like my input is listened to and respected.

Something that made me smile today

Those dang geico commercials.
You know the ones.

The woodchuck one

The Drill sergeant as a therapist

The little pig crying Wee all the way home


Between those and the Mayhem commercials for that other insurance company, I can't help but giggle.


I will close with a quote:
“Don’t follow the goddess of success or money. Do what you love and the goddess will find you.”


I've decided I need to figure out what I love. hopefully goodness will follow for me.

First thing I thought about to blog about

Well I fell behind by a day. So the first thing I can think of to blog about involves today.

It was a horrendously busy day with about 2 hours of "OMG this is the busiest I've seen it in a long time". I kind of felt like I was somehow old guard "I've seen things man" sort of way. My reward for this 8 hour day with absolutely no break whatsoever... $72 --pre-taxes. Ouch. I was so tired on my way home, I just about cried when I realized that. Yes, it's something, but wow, it sure doesn't feel like enough\.....

It is balanced by bridesmaid dress shopping though! We went on Saturday and it was good. I think we still like the same one.

The biggest surprise is I thought for sure I had made up my mind that we would probably go with black.... then I finally saw the dress in person, in red. I'm pretty sure red is the direction we're going if this is in fact the dress.....

One more shopping trip and hopefully we'll be placing an order!

Redemption is mine!

Wednesday was horrible for running. Everything felt so dang hard. I barely made it 15 minutes of running before we walked. WTH? This from the girl who just ran a 10K????  I was defeated that day. The diet had been suffering and I knew it was having an effect, as I posted earlier.

So Amber and I were supposed to run early this morning. A dreadful nights sleep, too much caffeine after 7pm (note to self: a small coffee, + 2 cups of tea, + coffee flavored ice cream will not yield a quality sleep!) meant that at 6:45 am I was really dreading that morning run. Needless to say, I wasn't terribly disappointed when Amber cancelled. I crawled back under my covers and snuggled up until 11am. I had promised her that it would be ok and that even if she wasn't going, I'd still run. So at 4:15, I still hadn't run and the chances of going were dwindling. The guilt was killing me. I rose from the couch and set out on my journey.

I don't know why but deep down I must think that because I ran a 10K that anything less than that shouldn't be hard, but it was! It was soooo much harder than I wanted it to be. I set my sights on 30 minutes and wound up quitting at 35 minutes. I huffed and puffed as I sat down at my computer to figure out distance, so sure that I maybe made it 2.9 miles.

Guess what??? It was 3.25! So that helps explain why it was so much harder than I expected. Generally when you go from usually running at a 12-13 minute mile to a 10 min mile on a standard run, its going to be hard! I recovered quickly though and now all I feel is good. So happy that I got out there and seized this beautiful fall day!

My comfort food

Kraft Mac n Cheese!

Call me a thief

So I really like Beth's blogging challenge. I've decided to create my own. I've worked out a list of 15 things to blog about, only I'm not going to reveal the list so each day is a surprise. Besides being a copycat, I just feel like my blog has gotten a bit stale: rotating between complaining and talking about running --which is probably only exciting to me. So here we go:

Day 1) Favorite Trip

This is actually harder to decide that I initially thought. So many are my favorites and for different reasons.
Where I've gone:
 2001: Ireland
2006: Jamaica, Duluth, San Francisco
2007: Road Trip followed by cruise to Grand Cayman, Cozumel; Greece; Vegas
2008: Cruise to PR, Saint Maarten/Saint Martin, and St. Thomas; Argentina;  NYC
2009: Road Trip to Toronto, Niagara Falls and NYC

Today I will talk about:  Greece, 2007
This trip was amazing. I was right at a funny point in my life -- things were progressing with my someday fiance and we were talking about moving in. I was freaking out because of the implications of moving in together -- moving 90 miles, committing to a hellish commute. Before that I was doing some things to sabotage myself. So on top of this being a trip with one of my best friends, it was a soul searching trip. I spent 2 weeks sightseeing, relaxing, getting food poisoning from either MSP or Frankfurt airport and then getting sicker than a dog on a ferry from Athens to Mykonos. I also managed to read a book and in general meditate on life. Some pictures that take me back:

 Acro = top of, Polis = city: Acropolis = top of the city....

 With seas that upset, can you see how I wound up sick on the Ferry? This is even calmer than when I was on it!

Mykonos

 on the beach

 Sunset in Mykonos

 Giant tasty donut, Paros, Greece

 Driving the smart car

 I love my smart car!

 Santo Winery, Santorini

 The flat side of Santorini

I was really excited to see just plain skim milk.... not too much of that on the islands!

Cleaning

Finally using my days off to do some cleaning and it feels great! The only bad thing with cleaning is it brings to light all of the things I wish were done. It also brings to light fiance's complete stubbornness to change certain things. Sometimes he acts like a little kid, where things HAVE to be a certain way. The couch must line up at a certain angle with the TV, the bed can't be moved because then it won't match something else. We can't do the baseboards in the office because he refuses to go through his boxes upon boxes of crap --seriously if its been in a box for 3 or more years, do we really need it????  He refuses to get rid of a futon that no one uses except as a pile for crap... I must be substantially less sentimental than he because he refuses to get rid of things. 

The joy of living with another person, huh? 

Musings on diet

So for the past few weeks I've been working a lot of 2nd shifts. Therefore, my eating habits have suffered as I'm not making dinner at home. 

I used to live as a 2nd shift girl, holed up in a lab, eating maybe 1 real meal a day followed by a diet of junk food and alcohol. My body paid the price. I was puffier than I thought (looking back at pictures I realize this), I had no physical endurance whatsoever despite working out. I was stressed in ways I didn't realize.

Fast Forward to 2010: I drastically cut my sugar consumption, took up running pretty hard core (at least July to August I was pretty darn hardcore, now I'm just moderately insane about it) and really took the strides I needed to healthy eating: reduced fast food and eating out, lots of good food stocked and cooked at home, etc. 

So now, going back to that 2nd shift life, I'm noticing the effect more than ever. I'm sleeping later, needing more coffee to get going. My energy is suffering as my diet has gone down the proverbial drain. It never ceases to amaze me that I can eat like crap, change my diet for the better and not really notice a change in how I feel, but then I fall off the bandwagon and revert to those old habits and instantly notice the effect. I have a few days off. Time to get back on track for sure because this does not make me feel good. 

It's also amazing to me, that I can notice this and long not for chocolate and crappy foods of old, but for the good for me foods I have been eating.... Is this proof I've turned the corner towards a heatlhy lifestyle? I hope so!

Maybe, I need a new 30 day project solely focused on diet?  

slightly better today

Yesterday was a low point.

On top of finding out for sure that the job was not mine to be had, I reached the end of my most recent unemployment extension. Mondays are always moody too when I have to apply for my weekly benefit because I don't feel like I should still be in this situation.

Some good news
1) I'm pretty sure I'm being groomed for potentially rising through the ranks so I guess I'm not a complete screw up.
2) I've found 2 jobs I'm in process of applying for

sigh

Disappointment has worn into anger. I'm just so sick of trying to hold it all together. Put that positive spin on things. Sick of looking at position after position after position. Sick of putting the effort into resumes and applications that I never hear back from. I'm sick of the fact I've been at this for over a year and a half now and all I could land was part time work and have put in probably 150 applications/resumes. Tired of reading job description after job description and trying to muster up even 1/2 excitement about it....

ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.

And really sick of feeling like i'm one thing away from financial ruin and that my life has crapped the proverbial bed....

Well I was kind of expecting that...

I was not selected for the teller job.

At least they called me. That seems to be a luxury now which is sad. I definitely appreciated it. Although I will admit when I saw I had a missed call from them I kind had my hopes moving in a different direction....

I knew I'd probably lose out to someone with banking experience due to its lead teller status so I wasn't blindsided or anything. I think thats the only reason I lost out though. Kinda sucks, every article says don't hang on to your field try something new, but places are still won't really take you seriously if you don't have the experience in their field. So how in the hell am I supposed to start over? This is why I still only work part time in a coffee shop....

So, uh, now what?

So the 10K is done. Now what?

I was a little worried about soreness because of how fast I ran and the amount of hills, but today I was just fine. I actually am kind of chomping at the bit to get back out there! Yet another sign of true addiction!

10K race vs 5K race:
I really enjoyed the 10K. At first while Amber and I were waiting, I'll admit, I was intimidated. The true runners were gathering -- you know the beautiful ones who can run in tiny shorts and sports bras. The men with long lean graceful gazelle like legs..... In other words, the people who look nothing like me! I began to worry. 5K is a great distance and now it feels like a familiar "easy" distance but it was nice not to have to dodge the stroller runners and kids!

What is my plan for the future?
The weather will be changing and not surprisingly the amount of 10K's and longer distance runs diminish because honestly who wants to plan to spend over an hour running in the cold? And for event planners the weather becomes dicier .. But there are lots of 5K's and runs around 5 miles for me to do so I plan on staying active for sure! I'm hoping to keep working on speed and set a goal of a 32 minute 5K time.

Upcoming potential races:

1. End of October: Monster Dash 5K
2. Nov 13th: 5 mile run 
3. Thanksgiving: some kind of 5K or walk
4. New Years: Polar Dash (5K or 10K!!!)
5. Valentines Day 5K
6. Get Lucky 7K in March

Reviews of the training program I followed:

It was a pretty intense program involving 6 days of training a week. I was very gung-ho in the beginning and the discipline was good to get me going, but then inevitably life got in the way and I began to slack. But I was also burning out so I stepped back and began to run when I felt like it. Funny thing happened, I began to really enjoy it again! I still focused on going for 1 long run a week and getting out there 2-3 times a week total.

I did like that it focused on things like cross training and strength training.... Even if I totally half-ass'd the strength training.  tee hee.

Plan for the week: short to medium length runs coupled with some sprints.

It feels great that I accomplished my goal and I'm spurred onward and excited to keep running!

the 10k!!!!!

I have achieved my goal!

This unseasonably warm morning of October 9th, I ran my first 10k!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was about 20 degrees warmer than I would have preferred but the sun was shining and Elm Creek Park reserve's display of fall foliage made for a gorgeous, albeit extremely hilly, run. Amber and I started out together, but around mile 2 a long slow incline separated us and we spent the remainder of the run on our own sojourn, fighting the hardest enemy of all: ourselves. 

When I said the course was hilly, I do not lie. It felt like the whole thing was a series of varying sizes of hills with very few downhill relief points. It was TOUGH!  Luckily for me, I live in a very hilly suburb so the majority of my runs involve hills. I also tend to run faster uphill because I just want to get it over with quickly and then "rest" on the downhills and straightaways. It was enough hills that by the last couple series of hills I was swearing to myself and wishing I could just stop, but knowing that I would feel worse if I did. So I kept pushing onward.

From Mile 2 to around mile 4 I ran with a fellow 1st 10k-er and it was going well. She had one of those sophisticated watches that told you distance and pace. I lost her at mile 4 though when she decided to walk through the water stop and I kept going. From there on I was back to being completely by myself. I think Mile 2 to 4 were actually the hardest because they felt like they were dragging to me. At Mile 5, a volunteer was giving each passing runner an update on time. I crossed mile 5 at 56 min 40 seconds! Wow! That really gave me an idea that I was going to make my goal of 72-75 minutes, little did I  know I was actually going to come in UNDER my goal. I hit the 6 mile marker and began my descent to the finish line and even managed to sprint across the finish line. And promptly wanted to throw up. That last push and all those hills really took a lot out of me.

Time I saw when I crossed: 70 min 30 sec!!!!

Later today I found out my actual time: 69 min, 58 seconds!!!! So I completely blew my goal out of the water and came in under 70 minutes!

Amber followed in a couple minutes behind at 72 min, 40 sec. 

I celebrated tonight with a few things

1) Totally took about a 1/2 hour nap this afternoon

2) No food tracking

3) because of no tracking, I essentially let myself have whatever I wanted because gosh darn it, I deserved it as a reward for achieving my goal

Oh yeah, Icing on the cake, I weighed in at 137.6! Down 11 pounds since July.

I feel amazing, proud, grateful and fired up for my next goal and to keep running. 

My sleep personality

and what it says about me:


I found this article on MSN and couldn't help delving into it. I've decided that I am a cross between:

The Late-to-Bed, Late-to-Rise Sleeper

If you’re more productive, alive and energetic at night, you’re an owl. Your alarm clock—if you even have one—is likely buried under a pillow. Smolensky describes a classmate who would call wake-up services, set multiple alarms to ring and blast music, yet was still unable to get out of bed in the morning. Even though he forced himself to stay in when he had morning classes, he still couldn’t fall asleep early at night—and had to drop out of graduate school. Fortunately, most owls aren’t that extreme.
Owls are best left undisturbed before they've had their cup of coffee. In contrast to larks, low moods typically occur upon awakening, but mid-morning and late evenings are creative peaks.   
“Owls seem to be more outgoing and social,” says Smolensky, “They also tend to be risk-takers.”  
Teenagers are notorious owls—at puberty, the body clock changes and even those who tend to be lark-like become more nocturnal until their mid- to late 20s, when they revert to their more usual patterns. 
Though most owls are able to adjust to the 9-5 work routine, extreme night owls may feel completely out of synch in such an environment. Consider a night shift, or a job you can do from home, on your own schedule.

The Long Sleeper

Another way in which our sleep styles vary involves how long we like to sleep. If you crave a lot of sleep—even more than eight hours per night—it's likely you fall into the category of “people who need people,” as the Streisand song goes. 
Norah Vincent, Ph.D., an associate professor and clinical psychologist at the University of Manitoba in Canada, conducted a large study examining the relationship between sleep and personality in nearly 6,000 Americans. 
"People who were more reliant on others for good feelings about themselves tend to sleep significantly longer,” she says, noting that there's nothing abnormal about this, it's just a measure on which people vary significantly.
However, long sleepers do have a tendency toward depression, a condition that is also very sensitive to the amount of social support people have in their lives. Staying in close touch with family and friends improves health for virtually everyone—but long sleepers should keep these ties strong and active.

I am happiest when I stay up til about 11:30-1am and rise about 8-10am. This is why 8am classes were near impossible for me to succeed in because I could not get adequate sleep hours in and my brain just does not function that wonderfully early in the morning. When I open at the coffee shop (5am) I have many problems with basic things like counting and even forming sentences --until the caffeine kicks in artificially waking me up. Its why the best chemistry class I had occurred at 10am. I could never process complex material at 8am. 

Its why I forever feel like I'm an owl trying to succeed in a early bird world. the proverbial square peg in a round hole situation...

I'm also a dreaming sleeper which helps explain my creativity. 

Who's ready for 10K???

I am! I am! 

OMG! 

My 2.5 month journey is coming to an end. The day is quickly approaching and is less than a week away!!  To be honest, I didn't really think I'd actually follow through with this. I figured I'd hit a wall at 4 miles and never make it that extra push to 6.2. 

I also didn't have any idea the intangible changes as well as the physical changes that would occur.

Physical Changes:

Weight lost: 10.0 pounds since July

Measurements:

    Just under bust: 30"   ------  -3.5"

    Waist: 32"  -----   -2.5"

    Hips: 38.5" ----- -2.0"

    Thighs: 23.5" (R), 23" (left) ---- -1.0"

Average pace: July: 13 minute mile

                     October: 10-12 minute miles

Intangibles:

 I just plain feel better about myself and carry myself with more confidence. Setting a goal and seeing those physical changes. Seeing my pace quicken. I can barely enunciate how I feel. 

I feel transformed, energized and once again grateful. 

    

Stronger?!?!?

The past few times of running I've really picked up the pace. Today was no exception. I wound up doing about a 10 minute mile with Amber. I don't think I've ran a 10 minute mile since freshman year of high school. We followed it up with alternating sets of jogging, walking and sprints which is only helping increase strength.

It feels so good to not only be seeing results on the scale but those milestones - longest run ever, fastest run ever, best feeling during running ever....

Fall purge

I love the changing seasons. It gives me a great chance to clean out my closet and purge things. I know I could have purged a lot more than I did (I have about 6 pairs of black pants, most of which are falling off me), but the few things I did toss already makes me feel better!

Today's plan was to deep clean the house. I heard on the weather that this is our last beautiful 70 degree day for a stretch so plans for deep cleaning have been relocated tomorrow and Friday. Now that the bedroom is clean, I'll be heading outside for some much needed work on the yard!

Tonight I'll be finishing my application for the bank and writing my thank you letter for delivery tomorrow morning.

I have 4 days off and I plan to really use them for personal gain -- applications, mending clothes, purging clothes, cleaning, working out...

Someone must have lit a fire under my bum this morning...

Because I ran and I ran the fastest I've run in a LONG time! I think I had some pent up energy just waiting to get out. We did 4.6 miles in 50 minutes. HOLY CRAP. The last time I did the double loop around that lake I did it in 56.5 minutes.

I'm totally riding the high off this run!

Pictured above: one of my photos from before our run

I can't help being in awe of so much this morning. My running buddy Amber has come so far in her running and in the 8 weeks we've been running together I've seen her go from being psyched to run 10 minutes to being able to keep up with me on a 4.6 mile run! I remember not so long ago I was in a similar boat and it's exciting when I see the changes both in myself and in her too!  When we run we discuss our milestones and it just motivates me so much to keep it up.

This morning, we were texting back and forth deciding whether or not to run. The reasons not to were stacking up:  less than 4 hours of sleep, drinking last night, the heavy amount of dancing I did last night.... We decided to just do it and be happy that we at least attempted. Little did either of us realize both of us were waiting for the other to call it off! HA!

I arrived slightly earlier than she did and had brought my camera along to grab some photos. It was one of those quintessential fall mornings, fog burning off the marshes as the sun rises higher in the sky, cool crisp air, clear skies. Crunching leaves below your feet. A couple more of my photos for your enjoyment:

I couldn't help but think to myself that I would have missed all of this if I hadn't gotten up, forced myself to put on my big girl pants and just do it! While waiting for Amber, I still didn't know how our run would go. We started on the 2.3 mile loop around the lake and it felt great. About 1/2 way around I realized we were running faster than normal and it still felt good.  A 2nd loop around gave us the 4.6 miles we were hoping to complete.

Even as I sit here, 3 hours post run typing this, I'm exhilarated and just thankful. Thankful for running. Thankful for finding people who share my excitement and desire to push ourselves. Thankful for great MN fall mornings... and just thankful in general.

Feeling better

The anticipation and guilt associated with planning to run and then failing is worse than anything. The dread builds  with each day I plan to go for that 4+ mile run and don't. It eats away at me making me more lethargic and therefore less likely to actually get out there.

Today I finally broke that pattern! Amber and I pounded the pavement this afternoon and what seemed like it could be a bust of a run (aforementioned lethargy + windy grey weather) wound up being an amazing run! We went for 3.9 miles! It was Amber's longest continuous run ever and a nice length for me. It's so weird that an almost 4 mile run feels "like a nice length".....

Some revelations during the run:

1) 2 weeks til 10K... holy crap.
2) Our days of 6:15 am runs are pretty much over. It doesn't get light out until 7am, she has kids to get up, our other running partner Sue Ellen can't go that late and getting up that early just isn't going to happen by choice for either of us. It's sad, but I'm ok with that. I'm looking forward to some afternoon runs with her.
3) I really do enjoy it and when I take time off my body misses it.
4) I'm getting a lot stronger.

Kind of a bum week

Rain. That's the story of the week. So much rain. After a manic few weeks of activities upon activities, I finally crashed. Sunday-Monday I was a zombie. I really did try to overcome my apathetic state and go running.... Really I did. I set my alarm for early each day AND... each day I hit snooze until later in the day. So it's been a week.

Plans have been made to hit the trail tomorrow.. Time to remedy this situation!

Wedding Stuff

We have decided to just keep our ceremony where we planned on.

Potential timeline:

10:30 picked up/drive to Noerenberg
11-11:30 some pictures @ the gardens
12p: ceremony
12:30 end of ceremony/receiving line -cleanup/exiting gardens
1-4:30: eat lunch with wedding party & parents, drive around, pictures @ a couple locations
    everyone else: hospitality suite for OOT guests, locals: relax somewhere.
3:30-5 cocktail hour with hors d'ourves for guests, parents, etc
4:30 arrival of wedding party

5pm -6: dinner with speeches and slideshow
5:30p: cake cutting
6:15ish 1st dance
6:15-10:30? reception/ dancing
10:30-11ish, we leave, pizza party in our room and crash?

It's still rudimentary but I'm trying to lessen the gap as much as I can without having to have an afternoon reception....

The to do list keeps growing...

Sigh....

The to-do list is at an overwhelming level. That level where i'd rather just curl up under a blanket, drink coffee and write about how much I have to do.... Which is exactly what I'm doing. I feel so disorganized which is only furthering the overwhelming nature of it. I feel like I can't find anything. The mental clutter makes me forget things. Its not a good place to be. I have 40 minutes of internet time. then I start cleaning/finding things.

This clutter does have me wanting to write down my goals. in order from pending to future

Running/fitness:

1. 10K on October 9th
2. Possibly one more race by November
3. Increase my strength training to make up for tapering off of distance running and keep those muscles developing/strengthening
4. Next year: 10K to Half Marathon!!!!  -- I'm officially crazy.
• I've decided that I should set my sights on the great half marathon! I'll start off the season with a 7K in March -- 4.5 miles (?) and hopefully by the end of summer, post wedding stress, be up to a half marathon level! This is quite a revelation to me but I like pushing myself to that next level. I still think marathoners are insane, but maybe I'll find myself among the ranks someday... or not. If I don't, I don't. 
5. Keep this weight off that I've lost

Wedding:

1. Figure out ceremony situation
2. Find photographer
3. Bridesmaid dresses
4. Engagement photos
5. Invites/Save the Dates
6. flowers, favors, piddly stuff
7. GET MARRIED!!!! :)

Life: --ongoing: this can't be broken down into near and long term goals

1. Research grad school? Potentially looking at a masters in regulatory affairs so I can work in the medical device or food industry.
2. job hunting. 

House:

1. Clean/find the crap I can't seem to find

Women's group:

1. Entertainment for Winter State Convention
2. T-shirts -catch up on entering orders
3. RSVP to all emails that need attention

Maybe my list isn't too bad, getting going is the hardest part!

a picture of my poor little car.... or speed bump to some C-UV driving suburbanite b*tch....

you can kind of tell its dented by the light's messed up refraction on the surface of the car....

There's even a little dent by my door handle.

It's apparently too much damage so yours truly will be getting a whole door replaced! Whoo. I hope something moves on this case and they track down this lady.

SRSLY?

F*CK ME!

no not in that way!!!.  In the "what else can life f*cking throw my way right now as I was finally returning to a sense of balance and quasi happiness" way.

Promotion at work: YAY!
Losing weight: YAY!
Feeling dare I say ok about money and not completely stressed out/depressed?: YAY!
Wedding planning back on! :: YAY

ok... Now let's have someone hit and run your car! Congrats!

Awww. Thanks life!. you shouldn't have. No, really... YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!

Now I get to deal with insurance, fixing my car, and all this s**t I don't want to deal with.

I'm "trying" to be calm about it. I got the license plate number thanks to an amazing good Samaritan -- he single-handedly momentarily lifted my faith in the human race... I almost hugged him, but that may have creeped him out so I refrained -- I got their license plate. I also got to chat with a very... very very very good looking PD officer! At least I had come down of my glass of wine I had had, but I was on a bit of an adrenline rush and so he probably thought I was crazy none-the-less.... I, too, kinda wanted to give him a hug for helping me, once again, doubt that would have gone over so well.

Luckily: 1) I happen to know a GREAT autobody shop (thank you BETH!!!!) , 2) This is why I pay for full coverage.

Update: Something's going on with contact information. Before it sounded like they got a hold of them and they thought they just hit a bump -- YOU KNOW A TINY RED FORD FOCUS IS JUST A BUMP? F* U Cross over/SUV DRIVERS! Learn to F*ing watch where you're F*ing going. Just because you drive and SUV doesn't make YOU immune to the rules... (hello anger. Welcome to the party!)--Just got a call from the PD: its getting processed as a hit and run. sounds like charges will be filed.

UGH.

BMI changes

Even though I know I'm losing weight it never dawned on me to check what that's doing to my BMI -- you know that pesky little calculation that tells you if you're "healthy" weight, over weight or obese.

I just happened to check today and the healthy range for me is 97-132 pounds. I'm never going to be 97 lbs, nor do I want to be that. When I started this running thing this year, I was 148 lbs which gave me a BMI of 28. Overweight. (DUH?!). As of what I consider my last official weigh in of 140.4 my BMI has now decreased by 1.5 to 26!!!! I'm only a couple points away from being the healthy range!

A little story time:

When I was first starting at Mayo, they made me do a pre-placement physical. During that exam I was definitely over 150 lbs, but by no means that rotund. The doctor weighed me and had to classify me based on that and my BMI into one of those categories (healthy, overweight, obese) and I was borderline. He could have given me the benefit of the doubt, but he was kind of a jerk and said, "Well my form doesn't have the box for overweight so I HAVE to put you down as obese." Really? Did he just say that he "had" to classify me as obese? wanna blow someone's self esteem into 1000 little pieces, tell them you're classifying them as obese. That man was lucky he was a doctor. Any normal person might have gotten a swift punch to the nose for that one!

Granted it did motivate me. I managed to start going to the gym and lost 8 or so pounds. It didn't motivate me enough as I've been in that 8lb loop since then. I'm really hoping I can break free from that and keep the momentum going through winter. I never want to be referred to as "Obese" ever again!!!!

happy dance! Happy Dance

No, my friends, I have not found that elusive real job.

The big news is: for the first time in years, when I stepped on the scale it said "139.0"!!!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! Under 140 lbs is a milestone. I think I saw it last in COLLEGE! I know deep down that it was probably more of a fluke having to do with water weight but it still made me feel great today! Definitely proof I'm headed in the right direction!

And, if I am in fact below 140, I'll have to adjust the points I eat in a day as well as the points I assign my workouts, but that's a minor detail. :) I'm really liking this points system thing. I didn't know how I'd feel about it but it's flexible, there's the amount of control I crave. I have mixed results staying within range, but it definitely makes me more accountable for what I eat! That alone and the attempt to stay near those points is really helping this whole adventure. I currently get 22 points/day, but my goal for next week is to try to decrease it to 21/day. My other goal is to plan out my day instead of trying to retroactively make sure I stayed within range.

Other news:
10K in just over a month!

I'm a shift supervisor at work. Tonight was my first shift as lead! It went good in some ways, in other not so well. I was quite discombobulated as it was my first day back in 3 days AND I was closing (which I almost never did before now).

Wedding:
I've returned to being excited to plan! I hope over the next two months I can take a big chunk out the planning! On tap for this month:

1. Find Photographer !!!!!
2. Figure out ceremony situation
3. Bridesmaid dress shopping plans to be made for October
4. Did I mention figure out the dang ceremony situation??

On the radar:

1. Flowers
2. start talking to reception place regarding menu, timing, etc
3. invites
4. save the dates
5. favors.. if any (I went to a wedding this last weekend and they didn't have them and I never even noticed until someone pointed that out... proves just how unimportant it is...)

Can you believe I'm actually doing well at this whole planning ahead thing? 

Healthy life progress

I've been half attempting the weight watchers tracking and half training for this 10K. I've definitely scaled back the number of days I exercise. I've had some amazing runs over the past few weeks since I stopped training so hard. In fact, I've gone back to actually enjoying running and how my body feels during it. It helps that the weather is abating and sliding into Fall. Crisp mornings of running are way easier to stomach than "80% humidity 80 degrees already at 6am" mornings. The only ongoing issue I'm having is my right foot/ankle is bugging me a bit. It's nothing major. Just annoying that's all. It's fine when I run though. It doesn't help that I have an ingrown toe nail and a scratch on my other toe from the stupid cat. (TMI, sorry). Runner's aren't known for their immaculate looking feet....

Diet: It's not a diet. It's a lifestyle change. I'm trying to change now so that when fall deepens and turns into winter and my activity plummets (which I know it will) I don't gain all this weight I worked so hard to lose, back. I go in spurts with tracking. I'll do really well of writing it down and but won't get the looking up part done so I've had a few bad days in a row here. It definitely continues to force me to be more conscious of my eating habits and takes some of the fun out of going out to eat. Especially when its at a restaurant that doesn't publish nutrition information (I'm looking in your general direction TGI Fridays!).

Weight today was up but still at 143.2 that's post run, post eating breakfast. I will judge tomorrow morning when I step on the scale.

So lame...

My friday evening has consisted of cooking (Italian baked chicken with peppers, garlic and onion; Garlic and Olive Oil vermicelli), cleaning, destroying the "pile(s)" of crap around the living room and paying bills....

Whoo. *insert sarcastic enthusiasm here* I love being an adult: NOT! I am really happy that the piles are tamed though.

I have a mess on my macys visa. The poor people in credit services will have a couple e-requests from me for clarification. From what I've figured out: 1 card somehow has 2 different account numbers - a store one and a general one. I can access the store one online, but can't get the other one. So I think I missed a payment on the general one. They called me back in August to schedule a payment which I obliged, but the amount they removed is more than the amount overdue (including fees). So trying to wade through two account histories and find this stuff is confusing me beyond all belief. Wouldn't it just be easier to have both accounts under the same area?

Wedding related stuff:

Since Branden talked me down from the ledge (of cancelling everything and just eloping), I just sent an email to that DJ we met with!!! Hopefully he's still available *crosses fingers*

Other stuff:
I'll be volunteering at the fair again this year. YAY! I love doing it and I get free admission for me and a friend.  Smartly, I've spaced my shifts out: Saturday and Wednesday. No back to back fair days for me. It's fun, but it's just too much face time for me.

Alrighty, well time to relax after all this domestic goddess-ness....

Freak out subsiding and my new "happy place"

Wedding Freak outs and Vacation porn

So I've been freaking out pretty hard core on the wedding thing. Not the whole idea of the wedding, just the cost. I'm a worrier like that and I really just needed to talk it out with dear fiance. This is when I'm reminded of how good we are together and the balance we bring to one another. I can be high strung and a bit of a worry wart when it comes to all things money. I see final numbers and freak out. I use the anxiety of my job hunt failures to draw greater meaning (if this were meant to happen, I'd have a real job by now, etc).  Whereas he looks at the list of expenses and says, "what's the biggest check we'll have to write out and when will it have to be done? and What can we pay for little by little to ease the burden?" Just talking about those things really helped reign me back in. I really think this balance makes us a pretty healthy couple. Now we just need to work on our communication because it took me weeks to start vocalizing these concerns to him.

I still freak out a little at the expense of the wedding coupled with all the other things I want to do but I'm willing to get back into the planning...

 Before all the wedding talk, dear fiance looked up vacations thanks to an email from a cruise line promoting deals. I will hereby refer to these emails and the subsequent searching as vacation porn. You know you can't have it but you sit and research it anyway.  He found a 15 day cruise from Miami to Los Angeles (or vice versa, I can't remember) for $750/person! You even get to go through the Panama canal! How cool would that be?  But alas, I certainly don't have $1000 lying around to pay for my half and he'd be using all of his money he needs to live. :( So there will be no vacation. Because honestly, vacation, wedding, season tickets for the Twins AND house renovations just can't happen when you have me underemployed and him not employed. Amazing how that works, huh? It did get us looking at impossible (financially out of reach) trips.

I officially picked out my absolute dream trip: Cruise from CA to Hawaii, Tahiti and on to Australia. Then spend 3 weeks touring Australia and New Zealand then fly home. It would be about a 6 week trip (!) and would cost somewhere around $10K. Other dream trips: 1 month in India; Icebreaker cruise to Australia (about $25K/person!!!), hiking up Kilamanjaro and seeing Victoria Falls; a Galapagos Islands tour coupled with a trip to Peru to Machu Pichu. Now if only I a) had a job that paid me to do those things or b) was a millionaire.... Don't see either of those happening any time soon, so these remain what they are: dream trips.

Now about my new "happy place". Full of poetic language too!

It happened this morning. It was a beautiful, crisp morning (makes my thoughts turn to apples, fall color, warm sweaters, and bonfires... I LOVE FALL and can't wait til its here!) and I met a fellow runner bright and early @ 6:05am. We set out on our run which was a great combination of hills and flat. As we approached the 2 mile mark, we hit the Purgatory Creek Park recreation area and the sun was rising higher above the horizon. A beautiful mysterious fog blanketed the watery/marsh area. It was so quiet as we looped the trail, running felt great. My stride felt natural and non-jarring, my whole body felt in sync with itself, too. As we started our way back, the sun at our backs, we chased our shadows onward towards home. In the whole 4.25 mile run, we did 2 small walking stretches and a cool down walk for a total of about 0.5 miles walking. I think today was the best 3.75 miles of running has EVER felt.

Milestone...

I hit my first milestone in my weight loss journey! I'm sitting at somewhere between 142 and 143.6 right now. That's 10 lbs lighter than I was @ New Years Day. It's between 7 and 8 lbs lighter than I was at the start of June!

Now, just 18 more to lose and all will be right with the world. My goal is 125. I know I can do it. I just need to not lose motivation as winter arrives....

It's still frustrating that I don't really see the loss as much as I thought I would, but encouraging that some of my pants which were tight on me are now loose.