I've been bad.
I'm very tan. Why is bad? Doesn't every girl want to have nice radiantly tan skin? That "healthy" glow? After all, pasty white girls rarely make the magazine covers.
For me, this means I haven't been wearing my sunscreen. I've even burned two times this summer. Most people wouldn't bat an eye at that, but I'm not most people. I'm part of the ever growing mass of people who've had melanoma. I shouldn't be letting myself get tan like this, burn as I have.
The other thing I've been bad about: check ups. I haven't been keeping up my dermatology check ups to make sure my moles aren't changing. I keep my eye on them and there are a few I worry about. I know better. I have insurance now I should be finding one. Just one more thing on the list I'm putting off. For me it was never, will I get melanoma, it was "when will I get it?" Even after going under the knife and getting 5 incisions, I obviously haven't learned my lesson.
One thing I definitely refuse to see myself as is a "cancer survivor". It was just cut out. It wasn't treated. I didn't have to lose my hair. It wasn't "real" cancer in my eyes. So I always feel weird when people refer to me as a survivor because my life was never in question. I didn't really have to overcome any big hurdle. This perception of it as not real cancer is pervasive and probably why people ignore it until its too late.
*steps up on soap box
So my plans for fall include actually finding a doctor and getting back on track with these check ups. I owe it to myself to take this more seriously. And you owe it to yourself. Please check your moles. Know when one looks different than it used to and get it checked out.
*ok. Now I step off my soap box
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it's a worthy soap box rant. i didn't get tan in mexico because i was covered in sunscreen the whole time (okay i got a tiny bit of color, but i was wearing spf50 the whole time and applying it obsessively). when i got back people were like "you were in mexico! why aren't you tan??" i wanted to be like "well i like not having skin cancer...." i really should go to see a dermatologist. i want to get a mole removed (i've already been under the knife 3 times, first time when i was 5, but mostly only as precautions). thanks for the reminder- i'll look into it this week!
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