So over adulthood

The next few months will be especially tight as I try to be extra aggressive with paying my credit cards. It'll be good for me in the long run but I wish I hadn't fallen so far behind in the first place. I should have 2 of them paid off in 2 months and 1 that we have a plan to have paid off someday.

Ugh. So not fun to think about and worry about, but it must be done

New clothes, dinner... this and that

The dinner adventure continues....

Holidays were spent at relatives eating delicious home cooked items like swedish meatballs, ham, salad, cookies, cornish game hens on a rice mixture, cheesy potatoes.... It was 2 more days of gluttony.

Recipes I'm proud to have made:

Lemon Dill Green Beans from the internet
    I give it 3/5 spoons. It's easy and refreshing, but just a bit too tart. Maybe adding garlic and lessening the lemon juice would make it more appealing for me. I would also use the whole mustard instead of the ground mustard I used.

Red Velvet cake with green cream cheese frosting (Christmas cake!) from the internet
    I give it 4/5 spoons for ease of recipe and overall taste. It took about 3-6 minutes longer per cake than expected but not a bad recipe to make from scratch.

Sugar Cookies (non-roll out cookies) from my mom

Today's dinner: My go to meal of rice a roni and pork with cheese skillet meal.
I used broccoli au gratin rice a roni and browned the pork with shallots and Mrs. Dash in olive oil.
Nothing fancy, but its a great fast meal for those nights when you just don't know what to make.

Today was also spent shopping! I had christmas money burning a hole in my pocket so my friends and I, as many people did as well, headed to the mall. Things were looking bleak until I went into Ann Taylor Loft and there, I scored! I got 1 pair of jeans (normally $60); 1 pair of trousers (normally $60) and a sweater for $49! I am most excited about the jeans as I'm down to 2 pairs of jeans. Total amount saved: $81!!! I know what I'm wearing to work tomorrow. :)

Merry Christmas run

I set out this weekend knowing my plan was to run Christmas Eve. What a perfect way, to me, to celebrate any holiday and day off of work? The original plan was to get up and start my day with it before 9a.m..... well, friends,... that did not happen. As peaceful as a nice morning run can be, when I get the chance to sleep past 8, I take it. I came downstairs and started my day and the chances of an actual run happening felt like they were diminishing.

Until about 1:00. I decided I just needed to get out and do it. So that's exactly what I did. I laced up my shoes and headed out with music, phone, and water in tow. I wasn't sure how far I would go. I was pretty sure I overdressed but I didn't care. I did not want to struggle with being super cold for that first mile. Being alone, it would kill my resolve and I'd probably crap out at 2 miles. Of course, 2 miles in I had to ditch my performance fleece and tie it around my waist, stuff my gloves in my bra straps and put my headband around my wrist. It didn't really help encourage feelings of speed or gazelle-like runner status, but I was rarely cold or overheating so I did pretty well.

Wait, did I say I ran with music? For the most part, I believe in running without it. I enjoy the sounds of nature. Being aware of my surroundings and personal safety but I use my shuffle occasionally when I know I'll need that extra motivation. That something to drown out the voices telling me to stop. So today, I ran with my ipod. Metallica, Rihanna, System of a Down, Maroon 5, Trampled By Turtles, more Metallica, all prodded me onward. For some reason, Metallica provided more than just noise, and I felt my running power increase whenever it came on.

Despite using music as the ultimate distraction, I could not help but enjoy nature's show. The warm sun pushing temps toward an atypical 40 degrees. The shuffling of the path beneath my feet. The completely atypical lack of snow. It was like an early November day here in Minnesota and made for perfect running.
As I approached home, I finally fell to the urge to check my runkeeper to find out my distance. I had delusions that it was around 6 miles, and my heart sank when it said 4.98. I trudge toward home for another 0.3 before the demoralization of the hill ahead combined with that earlier deflation, made me turn the last quarter mile into a mere cool down walk.

I ended my run slightly disappointed that I hadn't done 6 or more miles, but was happy with 5.3, even though part of me truly thought it was further. That inner instinct was right. Upon inspection, my runkeeper had lost connection for a bit and just drew a straight line between the two points. I altered that and it turned out to be 5.55!  Gaining that quarter mile meant I ran 5.5 miles in 1 hour and I am perfectly happy with that.

One very endorphin producing, thought clearing, challenging hour. I do not run to race anymore. I do not need a race to make myself get out there. I run for myself. I run to celebrate holidays.  My Christmas present to myself did not cost any money, but left me feeling more satisfied than any tangible gift.

Domestically challenged?

If you're reading most of these dinner posts, you could infer that I'm not so domestically challenged, but for all skills I have in the kitchen in regards to baking and cooking, the rest of my domestic life looks far from suburban housewife idyllic. I'm learning the ropes and blogging about the process.... with a healthy dose of running blog posts too.

Day 4 and 5

Was too tired to post last night, but here's the rundown:

Day 4
Lunch: pasta, leftover italian sausage and pasta sauce
Dinner: Hot shredded beef on onion buns and french fries

Easy meal. Already had the hot shredded beef in the freezer. This is my version of fast food.


Day 5:
Lunch: ham & turkey sandwhiches on an onion bun; Sun chips; WAY too much candy at work
Dinner: Baked Ziti! (ok I cheat, I have no ziti pasta so I use penne or mostaccoli)

This is my 2nd time trying this recipe. I make it in a much smaller pan as its just the two of us and having 8 containers of leftover pasta in the freezer just doesn't work for me.... I get pretty sick of it quickly and then it sits there for a year getting freezer burned beyond recognition anyway.

My alterations: Ricotta is expensive and doesn't really have too many uses outside of pasta dishes so I buy cottage cheese. Its moister and B can just eat the rest of the container. Everyone wins.

Day 3 dinner challenge

Breakfast: leftover waffle, homemade latte

    I ran this morning with Amber and while we chatted post-run, I made us lattes and pulled out a homemade waffle leftover from saturday and popped it in the toaster. Alas, I forgot about it and over did 1/2 of it  but the latte helped fill me up for a little bit.

Lunch: Lean Cuisine Thai style noodles with chicken; pineapple cup; applesauce; candy

Dinner:

• Garlic Mashed Red potatoes (recipe here)
• Maple Dill Glazed Salmon

*Branden also made a Chicken and mushroom rice a roni. Not being a fan of mushroom flavor, I opted out of having any.

I had half a bag of red potatoes waiting for me on the counter so I decided tonight to make garlic mashed potatoes. I used the recipe linked above and didn't do any alterations to the recipe. It was good, but I should have known my tastes better and peeled the potatoes. I dislike potato skins and the bits of skin in the garlic mashed potatoes were no different. I would definitely make this again, but will be taking that 10 minutes to peel the potatoes.

The Maple Dill glazed salmon is one of my regular ways to prep fish and it didn't disappoint.

Christmas is 4 days away? WHHAAA?

Not a christmas decoration in site in this house. Not a cookie baked, present wrapped, christmas card sent. None of it. No snow on the ground. No christmas lists written, or even hopes of receiving any beautifully wrapped package waiting my eager hands tearing at the paper to reveal a surprise.

Going on a trip right after Thanksgiving and not coming back to MN until mid December really threw things off.

Day 2:

Breakfast: none
Lunch: leftovers from last night's meal (perfect recipe for this purpose! leftovers rocked!!!)
Dinner:

• Oreida country steak fries
• leftover glazed carrots
• Honey-Garlic thin cut pork chops

Another new recipe today! This time I chose a recipe for honey garlic pork chops from Sparkpeople.com. I read many favorable reviews, even from people who modified it by pan frying it. Reviews are how I usually decide if a recipe is worth my time and ingredients. At the same time, they can raise my expectations too high for a recipe. That was the case this time, unfortunately. I think the soy sauce thew off the flavor just enough that it was not quite what my palate was hoping for. Also, pan frying it with that soy sauce and honey resulted in a smell that was not appealing either to me.

I will probably not be adding this recipe to the book. I give it 2/5 spoons.

New Project

Haven't blogged in a while. So I will attempt another recipe/eat at home challenge.

Monday (today) = Day 1, Week 1


Exceptions: Breakfast at the coffee shop. I work at 5am on many days. The idea of breakfast before I go is just out of the question.Christmas eve and Christmas day are also exceptions due to family get togethers, although both involve meals at someone's house so it's not really "eating out".

This project will end in 30 days.

Todays meals:

Breakfast: none
Lunch: Mac n Cheese; almonds
Dinner: Creamy Broccoli Chicken with Herbs (see below)

I tried a new recipe tonight from the back of my soup can and it was not an epic failure as I was worried it would be.

Here is the recipe

My alterations:
1) I only cooked the pasta to 3 minutes from being done and added it to the mix and brought to a low boil for 3-4 minutes.
2) I chopped up the chicken into cubes so it would cook faster and be more of a casserole than a piece of chicken on a bed of pasta.

This was a wonderful 1 dish meal and only took me about 1/2 an hour including thawing out the frozen broccoli and chicken, cooking the pasta and putting it all together.

I give it 4 spoons out of a possible 5!

Moping over. moving on

I have been up and down.  Yesterday was a down/low point. Today is a rally.

negative energy and counteracting it....

I've really been nostalgic this last week. It's not helpful because I've been nostalgic for how things were. I've, dare I say it, actually been missing the lab specifically that big one.

For as far as I've come healthly life-wise, I've stagnated otherwise. I feel like I'm running in place while everyone around me is moving forward. Its frustrating and hard to keep the jealousy in check. Its a toxic force and only serves to hold me further in my place. knowing that doesn't necessarily make it easy to overcome and move on. "Its not fair" and "why not me" has been in my thoughts a lot. It's causing me to put up a wall because if I don't see anyone, then I don't have to think about it. I don't have to feel like Debbie Downer. I'm fighting not only jealousy but my psyche seeking isolationism in direct competition with my social side which craves seeing friends.

I also begin to feel resentment towards dear husband for not moving forward either. That inner voice that I try to squash down telling me I'm the only one doing anything rears its ugly little head along with that jealousy monster. More negative energy.

In good news, I ran 9.0 miles today. That's the furthest I've ever run and it actually felt quite good during it! It was a bit rough around the mid section of the run, but the beautiful weather, focusing on one foot in front of another, the fact that even after over an hour of running and moving onward to 1 hr 45 minutes of running I was not huffing and puffing/wanting to die, pushed me onward. Running helps counteract the negative energy which is probably why I keep it up.

3 weeks til half marathon. This 9.0 mile run today, on top of counteracting negative energy really helped me feel good about the half marathon and completing it. I won't complete it quickly, but it will be done. Another goal set and realized. If only it worked that simply for other things in life....

When do you give up?

Do you give up? Is that a sign of weakness, or acceptance?
When does persistence become delusion?
When does it be become hanging on to something that will never be again?

Does 6 months = irrelevance? How about 1 year? 2.5 years? Why?

When does one just hit the delete button on that experience?

I have no answers, only questions.

measurements

Last October (2010) measurements: 
Weight: 138
Just under bust: 30"   ------  -3.5"

    Waist: 32"  -----   -2.5"

    Hips: 38.5" ----- -2.0"

    Thighs: 23.5" (R), 23" (left) ---- -1.0"

September 2011 measurements:

Weight: 128-130

    Just under bust: 27" ---- -3" from last year and down 6.5 overall!

   Waist: 30" ------- -2" and 4.5-6 overall

   Hips: 37" ------- -1.5"  and 3.5-4" overall

    Thighs: 22.5" (R) and 22" (L) --- down 2" overall

BMI: 

2008: 28.7 (at my highest)

2009: 28.0

2010: 26.5

2011: 24.2 (I'm finally in the "Normal" range!!!!)

So many changes over the past couple years.....

Ramping it up

At middle to end of summer the average week consisted of a couple 2-3 mile runs. The long runs were still guaranteed to be under an hour long. I was squeezing in cross training like rollerblading and biking. 5:30a.m. and 6am runs were my friend.

Enter September, the average run needs to be 4-5 miles with my long runs requiring over an hour of running. The mornings aren't as bright and the evening time for running is diminishing quickly. Add in that I'm suddenly working 40 hrs at one job and 5-15 at the other and I'm finding the time commitment a bit daunting.

At the same time, I can feel the last 2 months of training kicking in. Those longer runs aren't actually too bad, aside from time needed to fulfill them. I'm fairly steady with my pace and have made gains on speed on those shorter runs. I've done 3 miles in under 30 min and 2.5 in under 24! And don't even get me started on the amazing weather. The crispness in the air is a welcome change from the soup I found myself running in in late July.

Just 1 month til the half marathon.

2.5 months until my honemoon. After the half marathon, I can slow down the running a bit, but use the new time to add in the strength training so I can be in even better shape, possibly bikini shape by the time the boat sails! No matter what, I'll be wearing a bikini because it's the only swimsuits I have. It's just a matter of looking slightly less soft in them!

Why can't I just move on?

I swear i'm in an endless loop. I feel ok. Then out of nowhere I feel moody and mopey and I stay there. Then I feel slightly better, but not quite as ok as I felt before the mopeys. Its a negative feedback cycle. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The worst part is that deep down I know if you see yourself as a failure, that's how the world sees you yet I can't break out of this self loathing loop.

Catharsis

Today was "D" day, as in donation day. For about 2 months now we've had a big pile of clothes and a few boxes of household/kitchen goods ready and waiting to donate. When I initially put together these bags and boxes, I ignored several drawers of clothes and some areas of my closet. I managed to take all of my old size 12 dress pants off the hangers, but could not bear to part with them. I find that I doubt the staying power of my newly diminished frame and could not bear the idea of giving away pants that I very well may need again one day soon. So this pile of 8 or so pairs of dressy pants and a couple skirts sat there in the corner of my closet taunting me.

Today, the pile is gone. As I was putting them in the pile to go, I was hesitant. As I logged them for tax purposes, I was doubting my decision but as we dropped them off a sense of relief overcame me. It was as if I was shutting the door on a former life. Both a former life in terms of diet and weight and my former pre-layoff days. 2 years later, I still struggle with letting go and being let go. I feel the financial ramifications in my daily life, but rarely delve into the truly emotional journey its been and just how hard it is to rebuild confidence in oneself when an already low confidence level is completely blown to smithereens....

With the pile gone I'm moving on.

You mean I'm not invincible?

I am not invincible. I think every runner has that humbling moment at some point. Some of us have them over and over. It doesn't stop you from keeping on going and trying, but it serves as a reminder.

Just because you ran 6.2 miles on a warm morning doesn't mean you can repeat that at 11a.m. in full sun/limited shade and 85 degrees.

Today was that reminder for me and for one of the first times it was too much for me. I pushed myself too hard and if I hadn't stopped, I probably would have a massive case of heat exhaustion about now. The run was going great til just after 1.5 miles. I should have turned around and I may have keep going better, but no. I'm tougher than that, turning around would be failure so I pushed on for another half mile. Then i realized my mistake. I was overheating. I turned around and started on my way home. Wound up walking more than half of that distance home and even stopping under a tree for a sit for about 5 minutes.

I completed this 4 mile run, but have definitely learned the importance of going early in the morning during the summer. Next time, I won't be so damn stubborn. If I don't get out there, I won't try to make it happen.

Current internal debate:

Is working 6 days a week, but less hrs/day more or less exhausting than cramming the same amount of work into 5 days.

I'm really thinking about retracting my weekend availability at the coffeeshop to only be T, Th, Fr with absolutely no weekends..

Either way I'll have to work both places. It's just a matter of what days and what effect that would have on my overall attitude and exhaustion level.

I'm leaning on the side of having full weekends back. I like weekdays at the coffeeshop, I want to kill people during the weekend because I already don't want to be there, let alone putting up with their high maintenance bs, the inevitable supply shortages. And when it comes down to it, 1 day off a week is not enough to accomplish much of anything.....

My mind just might be made up.....

sigh

Kind of funny to look at my blog and read my very low recent entry next to my "about me" section which is all happy and positive.

It's been 2 years of major life change and I can't be sunshine and rainbows about it all the time.

In running news, I did a 10K on saturday and completed it in 1 hr 11 min and 50 sec. Not near my goal of 65 minutes, but I felt good during it. My average run leading up to this 10K was a lot shorter than last year's 10K too which has an effect.

I will admit, I have kind of a problem, an addiction may be a more accurate description. I love races! It's kind of a problem because there's so many races, so little money.....

you're invited to my pity party

I'm in a bit of a low place right now. Maybe it's post wedding depression. Maybe I'm burned out. Maybe I'm just tired of feeling powerless and a failure on a regular basis.

Maybe it's a combination of all three.

Maybe its nearing 30, being married and just waiting and waiting for things to turn back around. Wanting to move onward with life, go back to having fun and not worrying about every penny I spend and what that means. For over 2 years, my life has been in a tailspin professionally. All I'm left doing is looking forward feeling like I'm in a boat with only 1 broken oar.....

Week 3

Week 3 of training had its ups and downs:

Wins:
1) I made it out for that long run -- 4.8 very long miles. It was hard and I'm glad my friend Sue Ellen joined me for the 2nd loop around the lake because I was losing motivation.

2) Went for a 75 minute bike ride and the only stops were at stoplights. Amber and I kept a good pace on the bikes too. Discovered the many points along Valleyview road are just easier to ride on the road rather than the trail. We did about 11.4 miles total!

Middle of the road:

Nutrition. I did ok in the beginning of the week, by the weekend I fell off. I tried hard, but wound up making a few bad choices, although I didn't go insanely over so the sheer amount of calories I burned this week may make up for any of those overages.

Loses:
Sunday thru Tuesday I was too busy/tired to work out. So I skimped on working out. I anticipated being too tired today which is why my long run was done yesterday.


One thing thats bumming me out is how often the phrase "tired" or some variation on it has crept into my verbiage. I'm having a lot of problems lately getting back into working how I was before the wedding. I'm just ready to be done. To be working 1 job, have weekends and normal scheduling. But because I know that I don't have that mythical full time job, I'm stuck in my current situation. Knowing that I'm stuck sends me back to that dark place when I felt stuck in Rochester. It comes through in my dwindling attitude at the shop. It comes through in how hard it is to get up and get going to work on time. Will I ever get beyond this continual loop of being stuck?

Why does this feel like starting over?

I "officially" entered training for that whole half marathon thing about a week and a half ago. My first week was more of a free form attempt to ramp up my active days. My 2nd week was about trying to follow the program I picked out.

Successes this week:

1. Tracking my food - I've returned to the diligence of watching my diet and am back to where I was in the beginning of winter: 130.2 lbs.
2. Exercised 5/6 days so far including biking, running, intervals.
3. bought new swimsuits - 2 BIKINIS!
4. I signed up for a 10K in 3 weeks

Failures: -- luckily few, but warning: I may swear here

1. F*ck this is hard! 2.5 - 3 miles is really hard! I want to die/walk within minutes of starting. 
2. Strength training: I totally half butted it. 

I miss 5 miles being normal. I want to beat myself over the head for feeling that its a failure, that its hard again to run 3 miles, but its frustrating! It's like starting over and it sucks. 

But yes, in the grand scheme of things, this is going to be hard. 13.1 miles is not supposed to be easy or everyone would do it. So I'm going to stop whining now. I have 3.5 hours of free time before I need to get ready for work. Time for yard work!

discipline, how i've missed you

While on hiatus, I wouldn't say I missed exercise. In fact, I was pretty darn content parked on the couch spending hour upon hour doing nothing. But now that I'm on week 2 of working out regularly again, I can tell I've been missing the discipline of training.

Last week I managed to work out 4 times. This week I'm on 2 times and its only tuesday. And I FEEL GREAT! Yesterday I was tuckered out by the run but after my hour long bike riding adventure this morning, I'm feeling good. I had my coffee with steamed 1% milk and some oatmeal so I'm fed and caffeinated too.

I've been motivated to take care of some lingering emails and now it's time to take my energy offline!

To those select few who follow me, I highly encourage you to get out there today if you haven't already. It's a great day to just be outside in Minnesota. :)

Go Commando

If you've never had the pleasure of participating in an adventure race or have never heard of one, I'd highly recommend the experience. 

I just happened upon the Go Commando 5K adventure race put on by Team Ortho during my registration for the Polar Dash 5K (Jan 1, 2011) also sponsored by them. Amber and I tossed it around for a mere second before declaring our intent to do it. 

What goes into an adventure race? Is it Go Commando because you're running around with no underwear? No, my friends the Go Commando is in reference to a boot camp style race. It's one of several popping up including the Warrior Dash in Hastings and the Rugged Maniac. These races don't focus on distance, but on cross functional fitness. They take your typical 5K and turn it on its side by the addition of rough, changing terrain and obstacles! 

There's hills, mud, water, climbing, balance, even jumping over fire! For an avid runner this proved to be an empowering and yet humbling experience. I love hills and there was one that proved to be just too much for me. I felt my quads burning and I was barely over half way so the executive decision to stop was made. The best part of this was that time was not even an issue. My team faced it as that. While the first 1/2 was mostly small batches of us, the last 1/3 we stopped, waited for the rest of the team to catch up and finished together.

Not a single one of us left the race feeling bad about our performance. We left exhilarated and empowered. When I was a kid, I never could have envisioned bounding between hay bales. I couldn't do it as a 12 year old. Yet, I did it with no hesitation on Saturday. 

I'm left feeling that I can conquer the world...

That said, though, next time I will train more. I would like to get to a point I don't walk up that big hill or have to merely step over the hurdles. 

I look forward to continuing to push myself in new directions and travelling that journey with wonderful friends!

Cross training and all those other exercises....

I am a one trick pony. I can run. Last year when I started training for the 10K, I attempted to work in strength training and cross training and did so successfully... for about a month.

Then I began running even more and those other exercises.... well they fell by the wayside.

But I was running fine so I didn't care that those other exercises went away. Then I started attempting some yoga this spring and realized just how tight my quad muscles were. I went to a bootcamp thing and figured out just how 1 sided I was. I could go out and run 7 miles, but couldn't do a crabwalk and barely could throw a tire..... So maybe that illusion of being in shape is just that ... an illusion.

As I look towards a half marathon distance, I'm accepting that merely running will not be enough. 13.1 miles. 2-2.5 hours of torture will be precisely that if I don't get my act together. Also bringing to light the importance of those other exercises: both of my running buddies have suffered some serious setbacks in the injury department. We're all realizing we need to do more than just lay on the couch and decided to get up and run a few miles....

Long story short, I'm back on the cross training bandwagon and working on the strength training one. Tonight, I biked over to a park and met a friend for some rollerblading and sandwiches. Then I biked home. It felt so good to work some different muscles and trying new exercises breaks up some of the monotony that happens when you're just focusing on one exercise...

Here's to trying new things! Tomorrow its the Go Commando 5K adventure race. 3.1 miles with 13 obstacles. This could be interesting.....

Moody, lost and anti social

And above all tired.

That is the general state of my being. I thought a couple weeks away from working two jobs would re-energize me but its left me even less tolerant of the system I have to work in order to survive.

I'm happy to be married. Happy to be done with the wedding and at that next stage of my life. But the optimism is getting outweighed by the pressure for us to stop what feels like an endless loop of "maybe things will change by X date". That constant putting off of life and plans. The nearly monthly realization that I have to live for a week on $11 and while I have CC cards backing me up it's just digging the hole deeper.

I'm so tired and lost. lost and tired. I thought I'd try new jobs and gain direction/focus, but I've just entered a career holding pattern there too. Just kind of floating until something changes....

Its sucking the energy from me. I'm even losing the desire to run.

From running bride to be to running newlywed...

I've been MIA from the blogosphere for a while. I've even fallen off the bandwagon on running! *insert shocked face here. What usually served as stress relief and salvation for me, had become a burden. My body was not feeling anything related to running. My energy reserves were nearly non-existent. The weather.... well lets just say Minnesota's mother nature is a cruel cruel mistress. Just when we were lauding the metling of the snow, she threw more at us, including flurries on May 2nd. When snow wasn't flying through the air it was wind and chilly rain. I had made it all winter running and found my motivation wain in spring. I also saw my wedding day inching closer and closer. Doing one thing a month would no longer suffice. In fact, I had to start juggling multiple aspects of planning at the same time. My free time, GONE. 

Overworking + planning = no time for running.

So I stopped. And the longer I stopped, the harder it was to get out there. My potential energy was depleted. Even my motivator/running buddy Amber was on a forced break from running so any accountability went out the window. Any time I could have run, I convinced myself that wedding plans were more important. They of course were.  The end result was worth the hiatus. The wedding was everything I imagined it would be... and more.

I felt great in my dress. I felt truly like a movie star princess bride that day.  Mother nature blessed us with 80 degrees and sunny, the garden was gorgeous and in the end I got to declare my love and commitment to the love of my life in front of many family and friends. The pricetag matters less and less to me as now I'm ready to move on, pay my bills and figure out our life. :)

Some people let a hiatus like that completely derail them. I am bound and determined not to let that happen. I enjoy running too much. I enjoy the endorphin push, setting a goal and achieving it, the commiseration of running that hard long run with a friend, or just the voices in my head.

Just because I'm married doesn't mean I'm giving up on this part of me. I will do that half marathon. I will stay healthy. And when all else fails.... I will run.

Dinner Challenge: Week 2, continued

Yesterday I worked both jobs and worked a total of 14.5 hours. I worked from 7:15am til 9:45 at night.... so needless to say, home cooking did not happen. 

Today it almost didn't happen either. I was all ready to make tequila lime chicken. Maybe try to make my own rice. Then.... I never made it to the store to get limes. Kind of hard to make lime chicken with no limes. And I took a nap and wound up groggily half asleep from 3:30p until almost 7. Once again the temptation to order pizza was strong. 

Instead lady luck was on our side. I had chicken breasts in the fridge that were thawed. Thanks to the new gas grill, I was able to fire it up and know we could have dinner within 1/2 an hour. So it was Tomato Garlic Pesto marinaded chicken breasts on the grill and a creamy chicken rice side. 

I'm looking forward to after our wedding when I can start testing out the new rice cooker!

Dinner Challenge Week 2!

I'm on week two of my dinner challenge. So far I've had home cooked meals 9 nights in a row! (I'm including easter at my fiance's parents as home cooked because it was in fact home cooked... just not by me)

Monday was Week 2, Day 1: Hamburgers on the grill with pepperjack cheese, sesame seed buns and onion rings on the side

Tuesday (today): W2, D2: Baked salmon with Emeril's fish rub and lemon with a loaded baked potato.

Note: Baked potatoes really should be a weekend thing. They take too long to actually bake (1hr) which I don't really have if I want to eat earlier than 7pm.

I'm really excited to see if I can make it a whole month with only 4 non-home cooked dinners or less! I've definitely noticed I'm motivated by the challenge! There has already been 1-2 nights when I almost defaulted to pizza. Pretty sad that in 1 week, 2 days I've almost caved and ordered pizza twice. This is why I need this challenge!

Did you quit running or something?

No. Of course not!

I had, though, taken a 2 week hiatus from it. I will say, mother nature has not been kind to us this April. It's been very grey, cold, windy and snowy/drizzly. I found that hardcore attitude that kept me running all winter crumble a bit by the repeated snowfalls and all around yucky days that plagued us the past couple weeks.

So, I did what should be done: I rested. I admitted to myself that for the first time in a long time, I was not feeling the whole running thing. Took the signal from my body that it was just a bit tired and actually listened to it instead of pushing it onward. Listening to your body when it tells you something is not right for you at the moment is a hard skill to develop. It is, of course, not to be confused with feelings of laziness which can creep in and turn what started as listening to your body into full out abandonment of exercise in general. So as a rule, if the hiatus is longer than 1 week, you're drifting into abandonment territory.

I didn't completely abandon exercise. Instead, I got my yoga on. I was able to do it 3 times last week and 2x this week. Just 20 minutes of it and I can tell that my body was tight and my lack of stretching before and after running is NOT doing me any favors. Having such tight quads does help me realize how strong my legs are in fact getting. They may not be shrinking to give me those gracefull runner legs, but they are powerhouses for sure. I think that's just what they're meant to be: strong, big and powerful. I can deal with that. In fact, I'm rather proud of just how much muscle is already there.

Ok, I bunny trailed it off into a tangent, didn't I???? Sorry for the complete descent into basking in my own awesomeness.... ha ha. I broke the running hiatus today. WHOO HOO! The sun finally made its return to Minnesota along with a gorgeous 60 degree, light breeze quintessential spring day. I only worked 5 hrs, too, so I knew this run was meant to happen. It had to happen. I've been struggling to turn that itch into actual running so before I could talk myself out of it, I put on the running clothes and set out on my way, unsure of what direction or even how far I wanted to go. My plan: to run until I felt done. Today that turned out to be 4.7 miles.... ok... well about 4.2 miles. At about 4.2 my legs said "F-U for not running in 2 weeks and then trying to make us go 5 miles. We're done!" So I did walking jaunts over the last 1/2 mile.

It was so wonderful to get back out there! I've missed the conversations I have with myself. The feel of the breeze grazing across my slightly sweaty skin. The sun warming and bouncing off my skin. The mysterious phantom aches that try to make me stop and then pushing through them. Running along with any other endurance sport is a complete mental game as well as a physical one. I can't imagine how I would have dealt with the tumult of the past couple years without the lessons running teaches me. I am stronger both physically and mentally as a result. And truly grateful.

Dinner Challenge: Days 4-6

Wow! I'm almost through a week of this dinner challenge!?!?

Day 4: Tortelloni with ground italian sausage and prego garden combo pasta sauce with garlic bread.

• This is a great fall back meal for me. As long as I have a bag of frozen tortelloni or ravioli, dinner takes less than 15 minutes which is great on those nights I get home at 6 and have an event at 7. I buy pre-made pasta sauce most of the time but try to spruce it up with more herbs and garlic. Sometimes I make my own arrabiata sauce and freeze it in jars when I'm feeling extra gourmet.

Day 5: This was a tough one. My parents were en route and my plan for tequila lime chicken fell through when I realized there was no chicken in the house. These are the nights the Dominos or Sarpinos orders are most often placed. But I was determined not to fall into the trap. I ran down to the freezer and grabbed some pork chops and quickly thawed them. I seasoned them and browned them and let them simmer for 20 minutes on the stovetop in chicken broth. Meanwhile I made a cheesy rice packet and some roasted broccoli parmesan (thanks to the Barefoot Contessa on the Food Network!). 

Day 6: Kraft Mac n Cheese and grilled tenderloin steaks and grilled new york strip steaks. 

• Once again, nothing special, but we got to try out our new gas grill (!!!!) and the steaks, minimally seasoned were great! The tenderloin was thicker and turned out the best, but both were really good. The meat was about as fresh as you can get without being right on the farm and butchering it yourself. My parents, as a gift, gave my dear B and I half of a cow's worth of meat from my uncle's farm. Freshly butchered, barely frozen a couple days. Awesome! I find it funny that I used to be embarrased our meat came in white parchment paper and not fancy packages. Now I welcome the idea of eating meat that I know the farmer of.....

Day 7: Will be a homecooked meal as well at B's parents. 

So there you go... I made it a whole week without eating fast food. .... 

** Note: The Twins game was today I did have a hotdog, but that's tradition so I'm letting myself have that as an exemption! **

I still have many recipes to try out so I really feel that it is not such a foreign/weird/bad idea to aim for 6/7 days a week for a month of eating at home. So my goal is to keep this going for the next 3 weeks!

Dinner Challenge Day 3:

Tonights wonderful dinner was pretty much waiting for me when I got home. No, I didn't cheat and have it delivered... I didn't cheat and pick it up at the grocery store all done. It was a slow roasted lemon herb garlic whole chicken in the crock pot. Just knowing that the dinner decision was made and cooking all day lifted this huge weight off my shoulders. I was actually excited to come home and savor the results. I spent all day thinking about how it was going to turn out; fearful it would dry out or taste horrible, excited that it would taste awesome and I'd have found a new dinner to work into the rotation.

Alas there also would have been loaded baked potatoes, but B did not understand my directions to preheat the oven AND get the potatoes baking, so I caved and went the instant route because the chicken was beyond done when I got home. It was so done it was sliding off the bones.

This recipe was easy!  The hardest part was probably turning the chicken whilst browning it on the stove. I really could have used some string to seal the end of the chicken because my onion kept falling out during turning, but overall, a pretty minor snafu to encounter.

Drawbacks: I accidentally added a few too many dried herbs. It was a little too herby. Otherwise, it was AMAZING! The lemon wasn't overpowering, nor was the onion.

Best thing: it was so moist and flavorful and a whole chicken means I have mucho leftovers! I used the juices to make a nice chicken gravy so tomorrow's lunch will be open faced chicken sandwhiches with gravy. The rest of the chicken will be used to make actual chicken salad -- hopefully restaurant style chicken salad. YUM!

I'd highly recommend this recipe. I cooked it for 5 hrs on high and 1 hr on low to get it to the current done-ness. I also added slightly more water and used 1/2 of it as vegetable stock (which is my new best cooking friend).

Crock pots are the best thing ever created and I can't believe I don't use it more often!!!!

Dinner

We finally went grocery shopping for the first time in a month. And by grocery shopping, I mean real "make a list, cut the coupons, meal plan" grocery shopping, not the maintenance "I need bread and milk and veggies" shopping we usually do. I'm really motivated right now to cook at home and not order pizza or eat at a restaurant.

I know I'm busy, but I'm going to give myself a challenge: I will cook at home 6/7 days for the next 2 months.

Some meals I'm excited to make:

1) Seared Mahi Mahi with a knorr creamy chicken pasta side; salad with light raspberry vinagrette
2) Zatarains Jambalaya with sauteed chicken and onion mixed in; side salad
3) Homemade teriyaki chicken stir fry with baby corn, broccoli, carrots, bok choy and snow peas (this one is just for me to have many days as lunch as dear fiance hates asian food)
4) Tortelloni with italian sausage and marinara sauce with garlic bread and a salad
5) Tequila Lime Chicken
6) Lemon Garlic herb roasted chicken with loaded baked potatoes
7) Soba noodles and green beans -- for just myself.

So here's to my new challenge. I'm hoping I can keep this up and introduce B to new foods and spice up our dinners a bit!

A quick blog on nutrition

My musings on nutrition. Keep it Simple. Some people focus on powders, supplements, energy this and energy that. I, by no means, have the answers and for those marathoners and ultimate elites, you need those. But for me, a waddling penguin runner, I do not need fancy things.

I've become a big fan of books from Marion Nestle (What to Eat); Barbara Kingsolver ("Animal, Vegetable, Miracle") and enjoy following the blog Fooducate (http://www.fooducate.com/blog/). These books and blog focus not on restrictive diets or fads, they focus on defining good food and enjoying what you eat. The website offers grades on common foods and even has apps for the iphone (hopefully android soon!) to help you make responsible choices. Not eating just for the sake of eating. That's a mantra I can get behind. So if you ever have the time or desire to these are great resources.

Breaking the addiction to soda and fast food are hard but in the end you realize what you're NOT missing.

And seriously... its time for that bath.

I ran 7 miles

HOLY CRAP! I can't believe that just happened. We did a little walking after some pretty tough hills but the walking maybe added up to 5 minutes.

I honestly didn't think I had that in me. I hadn't been training for it. I hadn't run more than 4.3 since the 5 miler I did back in November. Due to lack of distance runs, I set some pretty low expectations -- 85 minutes which works out to be around a 12 minute mile. Normally I run at a 10-11 minute mile pace so I was definitely giving myself a large walking cushion.

All those hadn't-s and shouldn't-s were taking a tole on my psyche. Then that stupid snowfall and dip in temperatures this week were just insult to injury. So many things were stacking up to make this a potentially brutal run. Amber was also starting to feel ill so I knew that I stood a huge chance of not even attempting it this weekend.

Then this morning happened. Amber made it out to run, the sun was shining -- it was cold, but sunshine makes ALL the difference-- and the race was later in the morning so despite my midnight bed time, I managed to get plenty of sleep. We set off at a good pace. This is a serious running crowd so out of the gate we were at our aggressive 10 min mile pace which worried me. We chatted about times to walk and decided to assess at 20 and 25 minutes how we felt.

Around  25 minutes at the top of the hill we walked. I was feeling so good, I had to be told to walk. My obstinateness is both my friend and my enemy. I know for sure if I hadn't thrown in those walking jaunts I would have completely burned out, but when something is feeling good, I don't like stopping. My other rule: I do not stop in the middle of a hill. You know I'm in real trouble if I stop during a hill.

At about 5 miles, I started feeling the fact that I hadn't been in the routine of running over 4 miles. Theres a reason you're typically not supposed to increase your mileage each week by more than 10% when training for half marathons and marathons and I felt that.

We hit 6 miles and Amber and her friend Scott decided it was time to kick it into gear and catch the guy way ahead of us. I picked it up too despite not feeling ready to do so. We spent that last mile in near sprint mode and passed that guy way ahead of us. He later sprinted way in front of us, but for that brief moment, we were in the lead of him. It was on like donkey kong for Amber and I then. We really wanted to finish together though so we stayed evenly matched. My fellow carrot and I finished simultaneously at 73 minutes and some seconds... I'm not sure how many as I was focused on not collapsing.

85 minutes??? I really thought it was going to take that long???? Maybe if I had been running by myself. I should have known better! We totally beat that by almost 12 minutes! Unlike the Get Lucky, I had nothing left in me for more running. I knew I had pushed myself well.

Surprising moment though happened in the post race room.... I recovered really quickly. I did some stretching but for the most part that post run energy and endorphin high is still AMAZING! The sense of accomplishment along with the chemical effects in the body spur me on. I am leaving this race knowing that I can and will do that half marathon. Thank you Amber, Mike and Scott for keeping me running. Without them, I wouldn't be where I am.

And now I think its time to go soak in the bathtub.

A Milestone

Tomorrow I will run 7 miles.

What a powerful sentence, huh? Yes, I'm basking in my own awesomeness here for a moment.

*AHHHH

I don't even care if I run the whole thing or if I have to walk in the center. I'm stubborn enough that I don't anticipate walking, but I haven't actually run 7 miles.... EVER. This is truly a test to see if I have what it takes to make that leap onward to 13.1.

Get Lucky 7K, a recap

After that 10 day break from running, I knew I had to kick it up a bit or I wouldn't make it running across the finish line at the get lucky. So that's exactly what I did. I made it outside for a run 3 times between Thursday 3/10 and race day, including 2 back to back 3.3 mile runs. I concluded my prep with a Thursday 3/17 early morning run. We did about 3.3 miles again. I hadn't run over 4, so I was still nervous about the race. 

Saturday morning, my friend came over and we left on our way to Minneapolis. I engaged in what is becoming my race day tradition: oatmeal and coffee from Caribou. We reached downtown with over an hour to spare. The air was extremely crisp.... 26 degrees outside. 

Races in the spring, as with the fall, are difficult to dress for. The really cool mornings quickly burn off and before you know it the sun rises higher in the sky and the clothes that kept you comfortable at 26 have you yearning to drop your clothes off alongside the road just an hour later. March 19th was no exception to that. I had been forewarned and knew that as comfy as my super awesome Get Lucky sweatshirt was, I would not be needing it on the run, so I bundled it in my checked gear and thought warm thoughts as I stood there in my underlayer, t-shirt, shorts and purple tights waiting anxiously for the race to start. 

We moved ourselves over to the middle of the 10min mile pace crowd and I felt like a caged animal. My body was just ready to run, to loosen up the crowd and find my stride. The sun was shining, the energy of 5100 of my fellow runners was in the air!

Finally the race started. I have to admit, I've never run a race that big and I found it difficult to figure out my pace. Running felt... dare I say... easy?!? More so than it had felt in a long time.Too easy that I wondered about if I'd fade out, not have enough steam to make it past 2 miles.  About 1.5-2 miles (I think) we came across a long slow incline and I was getting warm. My friend decided to hang back so I took off up the hill on my own, continuing to get warmer. Amongst my fellow running friends, its our race day rule that if one person needs to stop and the other feels fine, its ok  to split up. After all, each of us is paying to be there and owe it to ourselves to give it all we got. 


 I had already stashed my gloves and found myself wondering how to best go about shedding my underlayer. Should I just say "screw it" and take off both shirts then put one back on? I'm not in great shape, but maybe for a moment I could get away with it??? I decided against subjecting anyone to the blinding glare of sunlight reflecting off my white flabby belly I believe, blinding your fellow runners and causing a domino effect of an accident is looked upon as poor racing ettiquette.... . Instead I opted, successfully -- now this took talent-- to take my underlayer off while still leaving on my t-shirt (not a very baggy one either) all whilst running up this cobblestone-esque hill. I was stuck hanging onto my underlayer then for the whole run, but I was happy for the freedom of just a t-shirt. 

3K came and passed quickly and I still felt good. I was passing quite a few people. We turned and I saw the hill as we went over a bridge. Its a good thing I love hills and I felt my posture change as I pushed myself up it. Next up the 6K marker. Still feeling strong. I talked to a couple guys for a bit about how good that free beer was going to taste. I could hear the finish line crowd and I started picking up the pace. Enough to cross somewhere between a sprint and run. Then something weird: I kind of wanted to keep going. 

Running has become addictive to me because I love the post run high. Especially after a race. This one was no exception. I felt like I could just keep running. This indicates to me that I probably could have run faster. I've missed running 4+ miles. Missed it more than I realize and this exhilarates me for future races and the half marathon I will do this year. I went to work today with the "post race swagger". That little extra confidence of finishing the race, beating my goal and feeling great in the process. 

oh yeah... my time! It wound up being 44:41! My goal had been 46:15. All in all, I'm pretty happy with this race. Team Ortho is well organized and they make the races worth the high entry fees. I'll carry that swagger with me all week! 

blizzards, beer and running

Mother nature gave us a glimmer of hope last week. We had 50 degree temps in february. Things started melting. One could even see brown grass exposed on hillsides and from the window at work. I went for a glorious 3.1 mile run in a t-shirt. Everyone in Minnesota was walking with a little more spring in their step; a sparkle in their eyes. But alas, it was a ruse. Mother Nature was just giving us hug before she smacked us across the face with a snowstorm. We got 19" of new snow here in my 'burb. Our temps are plunging back down below 20 degrees. Just a reminder that winter truly is still going and that we aren't ever out of the woods until May.

Along with this snow, my motivation slowed a bit. I was all pumped to start my strength training and up my number of running times up to 2-3. Well, its been since Friday that I've run. :( I got down to the hamster wheel and redeemed myself a little. But I have yet to continue my plank and strength training challenge. Probably because I hate strength and flexibility training more than I hate running on the treadmill. No matter how many times I hear on the news that strength training regularly throughout life helps decrease the risks of osteoporosis, it still is like pulling teeth to get me to do it. Maybe this spring will be different.... maybe.

Upcoming races:
-- Get Lucky 7K March 19th : This one should be fun! I know many people doing it including my co-worker. I get a medal and a hoodie for participating. There's free beer tickets too!
-- MDRA 7miler on March 26th: I get this one for free as a member of the Minnesota Distance Running Association -- $25 got me 3 free races, a calendar, invites to parties and a monthly magazine, a pretty good deal to me! -- Even if I can't actually run the whole thing it would be foolish not to go and try.
-- Autism 5K on May 14th: knowing several people raising kids with autism, this is a favorite race for me. Maybe this year I can do it in less than 30 minutes. Last year I ran it in about 40...
-- Go Commando 5K adventure race on June 25th-- Its a bootcamp style 5K with mud, water, obstacles. More beer abounds and you get to get all dirty with friends!

Where have I been?

Busy busy busy. Lets see, since Jan 1, I've run a 5K in almost 0 temps, worked 48-55 hrs/week, planned and attended a convention for 220 some women from around the state, had a further excision of a suspicious mole -- which gave me the 1 and only week I didn't make it outside for a run.

 I've been adjusting to the new job. They really like me and feel I'm catching on quickly. In fact, I'm picking up more hours here and there which is awesome! Extra hours there = a lot more money than I made at the coffeeshop!

Oh yeah, I'm still working there. In fact, the next 3 weeks of my life involve working every single day at one or both jobs. As of February 13th, My next day off is March 12! I'm kind of nervous about working that many days in a row. The only thing that's saving me is that most days I don't work til afternoon and because he's got me on full weekends, I'm working less 5am shifts during the week at the shop.

 The other things in my life are still hapening so during that time I'll be ramping up the wedding planning, continuing to train for the Get Lucky 7K and the MDRA 7 miler on March 19 and March 26th respectively. Oh yeah and my women's group stuff. So when I say I'm busy, I'm not kidding!

Everyone has their own form of busy though. Everyone has their stuff so I'm not complaining, I'm just explaining. When I start getting down about things or when I start feeling like I need to whine and be all "woe is me" I'm trying to remind myself that everyone has their own drama going on. Mine is by no means any more or less important than anyone elses.

The coolest thing with running is that my pace is holding at between 10 and 11 minute miles. This is pretty amazing to me. I may not be running 5 miles, but I'm doing 2.5-3 at a pretty good clip. I'm looking forward to taking that speed with me and increasing the mileage for those longer races and picking out my half marathon for sometimes between August and October.

Wedding planning: well.... it needs to happen. I'm  hitting the 100 days mark. Yikes. So much to do, so little time! My ring is being resized so my finger is naked! I had to put on my class ring in order to not feel off.

Happy 2011! -- a realization

2011 is off to a much better start, direction than 2010!

Today I realized that while I may not be doing what I set out to do, while I occasionally will feel like a failure for not having a masters or doctorate degree or some fancy title, I'm happier than I was doing lab work.

I am occasionally plagued by sleep issues, but since leaving the lab work, I am not plagued like I was before. I remember constantly fighting against the clock both in falling asleep and waking up. I remember the days when I couldn't sleep til 8am, even 10am and would oversleep for a 4pm shift. I remember dragging through every day barely able to do the minimum and feeling like a failure at the whole science thing and being mad at myself for how apathetic I was. While I still fight with waking up it has more to do with having to be into work by 5am than a general malaise I used to feel. I also remember feeling that I put  more into my coffeeshop job that I ever did into my "fancy" jobs.

Right now I've come to terms with my loss of identity because I may have found a new one. It took only a year and a half and countless rejections and someone FINALLY being willing to take a chance on me!

Polar Dash 1-1-11 Race recap; looking back and ahead too!

I can't believe I did it! The air temp was a chilly 7 degrees with windchills supposedly around 10 below. While most people were hibernating, Mike, Amber and I jumped in my car and trekked over to Eastern Minneapolis/Western St. Paul to partake in a crazy New Years tradition for a crowd of 2000+ people, the Team Ortho Foundation Polar Dash 5K. 

Winter running has been a bit of a challenge trying to figure out what to wear in order to tread that fine line between comfortable and overheating. Today it involved 2 layers of running pants topped with wind pants; smartwool socks; underlayer shirt, official polar dash fleece, jacket, neck gaitor, hat, hood and mittens. That's ALOT of stuff to wear! But I wasn't not willing to take chances with the windchills! 

We had about an hour til race start, so we hung out in the warming tent and I have to admit, we stayed pretty comfortable -- except for my feet. I lost feeling in my toes and it took til about a mile into the race for me to once again feel them. That was the hardest part. The rest of me was fine, but the toes were numb and quite painful. I found myself asking, "What would Bear Grylls do in this situation?" but decided he'd probably pee on them or something so moved my thoughts to other ideas like jumping in place, curling and un-curling them, etc.

Race time was about to start so we hurried out to the start area and aligned ourselves with the 10.5 minute mile pace. The excitement grew. The enthusiasm of the crowd was great. We were getting a lot of attention as we were still in our Happy New Years blinking hats and bound and determined to stay in them the whole race. 

The race went by much faster than I expected. Usually that first mile is pretty grueling. I was definitely happy when the feeling returned to my toes. Although for a brief moment the feeling had only returned to about half my toes which was quite surreal. My running buddy, Amber was definitely the pace setter this time and at many times I felt her pulling me. What a change from earlier this fall. Its inspiring to see how far she's come in this process! The only thing is I was completely out of juice to sprint that last 0.1 miles so I merely jogged my way in. I usually can muster up a sprint so that was a bit disappointing. But I still finished running and crossed the finish line at 35:20. I knew my official time had to be less than that as I was pretty far back in the crowd.

Official time: 31:23!!!!! This is a personal record for the distance. 

to review:

• Time to Fly 5K 2009: 35:36
• Autism 5K 2010: Not timed but it was somewhere around 40 minutes
• Time to Fly 5K 2010: 39 something?
• Autumn woods classic 10K: 69:58
• Diva Dash 5 miler: 53:14

I finished about 8-9 minutes FASTER than my first 5K's this year! 

I do accept, though, that this may be the fastest my body will go unless I step up the other parts of the equation: strength training, flexibility work, speed work. If I am in fact serious about doing a half marathon there is definitely more hard work ahead of me. I embrace it though because in the end it's all worth it! The post run high and accompanying sense of accomplishment can't be beat! I'm addicted.