Apathy, you are not my friend

Phrase I'm sick of uttering:

"If my job situation changes in the next month... (fill in the blank)"

I see jobs I want to apply for but I'm just so damn sick of filling out applications, so sick of feeling like there are no jobs out there that I fit in. Feeling like a square peg in a round hold world.

*sigh

The apathy is spreading from job search to workout to housework. It's pervasive and like mold, hard to stop the spread of. I really wish I could just bleach everything and start over. I'd probably stand a better chance of getting a job than I do now..... I wish I could bleach my brain and rid it of the apathy, the blown self confidence, the defeat and utter hopelessness I feel some days, the bitterness and self doubt. I wish I could go back in time and shake myself. Tell me to go into something I'm good at and truly like, not something I think would be a good path, a proper path. Then again, in this economy I'd probably be in the same boat as I am now so that wouldn't do any good....